By the end of the first day, already Hamilton had regretted his decision. His driver had returned so very quickly that Hamilton assumed that Miss Darrington had simply asked him to take her to the edge of the village from where the next post-chaise would depart for London.
He had wanted to question his driver, of course, but had finally decided against it at first. His household had become unruly enough over the last year, and he did not wish to unsettle things further by adding gossip to it all. And his staff would undoubtedly gossip if they heard that their master had sought the governess’ whereabouts not one hour after he had dismissed her from her position. And it would undoubtedly cause all manner of suspicion to fall upon the governess, for Mrs Griffin would waste no time in suggesting to all that the Duke had dismissed Miss Darrington because something inappropriate had passed between them. The dreadful woman would not scruple to blacken Miss Darrington’s name out of spite, and Hamilton would not have it. He would not have Miss Darrington suffer any further at his hands than she had already done, even if she was no longer there to feel its worst effects.
“And which upsets you the most, Hamilton?”
“I beg your pardon?” He looked up at his aunt in confusion.
“Which upsets you the most? The fact that Eleri and Ffion are likely heartbroken, or the fact that you might never set eyes upon Miss Darrington again?” She seemed extraordinarily harsh.
“I am afraid that I do not know how to answer your question, Aunt.”
“You mean you do not know how to answer it truthfully?” Her eyebrows were raised high.
“Regardless of what you think of me, I do not despise the children. Quite the contrary, in fact.”
“Oh, Hamilton, I never suspected you of despising the girls.” Lady Cynthia softened instantly.
“I just find it so very difficult to look upon them without seeing Josephine. Really, they are just as she was at that age, and it is a cruel reminder of how very wrong I was.”
Without a word, Lady Cynthia put her arm around his shoulders. She was so tiny in comparison to his great frame that she was having some difficulty maintaining the posture.
“They remind me of a time when Josephine still loved me as her brother; a time when she would have come to me above all people in the world.”
“Because she loved you dearly, Hamilton. Because you were not just her brother, but her guardian in this world when she had no other.”
“And then Carwyn Thomas came along.”
“He also loved her, Hamilton,” Lady Cynthia spoke with caution.
“I know he did. I always knew that.”
“Then I am so sorry for all that you have lost.” She released him and took his hand instead. “But life must continue, and you must find a way to come to terms with all of it.”
“How do I come to terms with the idea that Josephine despised me in the end? How can I come to terms with seeing those dear little girls every day and being reminded of it all? If only Josephine and I had ended on good terms, Aunt, then I should not find the very sight of them so painful.”
“And the sound of them?” Lady Cynthia was cautious once more.
“I have no true objection.” Hamilton felt his shoulders sag. “It is just the memories their voices stir up within me. It is as if there is to be no escape from it at all.”
“But Eleri and Ffion cannot change any of it. Even if they speak with the same tongue as you and I, would they not still remind you of her?”
“I know the girls are not to blame. They are innocent and … and … it is not for them to solve this by changing themselves. I am the man; the adult. It is for me to solve.” He stared off into space, finally understanding Georgette’s words.
“Hamilton?” Lady Cynthia looked concerned.
“How can I only just have seen it?”
“What do you mean?”
“It is what Miss Darrington tried to tell me. That the girls should not suffer simply because I do. They should not suffer as children if I can suffer instead as a grown man.”
And that is exactly what he had chosen to ignore. Hamilton knew at the time that he was allowing all sorts of erroneous thoughts and assumptions to cloud his judgement when he had dismissed Georgette from Draycott Hall.
Not least was the idea that there could never be anything between them. The idea that her station in life was simply too far below his own for them to ever be a match for one another. The very thing which had first set him so far against Carwyn Thomas had now made itself known in his own life. Hamilton Whitehall, the Duke of Draycott, had fallen in love with a governess. A lady in another time, but not this one. A woman with no family, no money, and no connections. He had fallen in love just as his own sister had done nearly seven years before. He loved for love’s sake and nothing else. And yet how could he afford himself the leniency that he had denied his dear sister?