"You are?" I asked, breathless from the power of his kiss.
His eyes were things of beauty, gems of the brightest quality, clear and translucent and filled with love. Somehow his declaration took the sting out of his bossiness.
"I am. I love you and worship you, and after this is over, I'll never keep anything from you."
It was exactly what I wanted to hear, what I needed to hear. He was acknowledging my concerns and fears, and promised to answer all my questions… after it was over? I stopped him just a hairsbreadth from my lips. "What do you mean, after this is over? Raphael, you could be in jail then!"
His fingers curled into my hair, teasing my nape. "Baby, I won't go to jail."
"What's to keep you out this time?"
I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. His fingers stop stroking my neck.
"This time?" His gaze held mine. I stared at him, my heart tearing into a thousand pieces at the flicker of pain in his eyes, a layer of ice settling around me as he pushed me off his lap and cocked an eyebrow at me. "I see. That's the information you wanted from Dominic. Do you mind my asking how you expect to use what Dominic told you to prove who the murderer is?"
"That wasn't exactly the purpose of our meeting with him," I said miserably, tears starting at the back of my eyes. "I'm sorry, Raphael. I'm very sorry and ashamed of myself. I don't like poking into your past, I just want to help you. I want to keep you safe, and since you won't tell me what it is you are keeping from me, I thought if I knew, I'd be able to do whatever it takes to keep Inspector Bartos away from you."
He watched for a moment as tears streaked down my cheeks, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. I buried my face in his neck and watered his shirt. "Baby, I wish I could tell you everything," he said, his lips in my hair. "I wish I could, but it's not possible yet. You have to trust me just a little bit longer."
"I do trust you; it's you who doesn't trust me," I pointed out, sniffing and wiping the dampness of my tears off his neck.
He didn't say anything to that, just thumbed the tears off my cheeks and looked at me with eyes dark with longing, regret, and pain.
"What is the problem you're having with Christian?" he asked.
"You're changing the subject."
"I know I am. What is the problem you're having with Christian?"
"This hasn't resolved anything. Even if Roxy and I don't go after the murderer, I'll still be worried about you, and will continue to worry until Bartos has someone other than you under lock and key."
"If it will make you feel better, Joy, I will swear to you that he won't arrest me for Tanya's murder."
"How can you swear that?"
His eyes went darker.
I looked into them and saw the answer for myself. He was still keeping things from me, still hiding secrets that he wouldn't share, but that was no longer the issue it had been earlier. He loved me. I had to trust that in time, he would tell me everything.
"I should be going. I've got a lot to do, and I imagine you do as well." I got up from the bed and gathered my coat and purse.
He stopped me. "What is the problem with Christian?"
I thought about not telling him, but decided he would be safer knowing the truth. "Nothing's the problem with him, unless you count a nine-hundred-year-old vampire as a problem, unless you find the fact that your mind and body and soul can be invaded by him with the merest thought of his mind a problem. Problem? I don't know—is it a problem to have an immortal man with limitless power thinking you're the sole person in the entire history of time who can save him from eternal damnation?"
"Vampire?" Raphael couldn't have looked more surprised than if I'd stripped off all my clothes and stood on my head. "You don't mean to tell me that you actually believe he's one of those creatures he writes about?"
"Oh, I don't just believe it, buster, I know."
Disbelief was rampant in his eyes.
"Don't you give me that look," I warned, pointing my finger at him. "Don't you give me that 'She's mad, I'll humor her because I'm a manly sort of man and she's my woman and thus I must put up with all of her foolishness and pretend it's not foolish at all even though inside I'm laughing so hard I could break my spleen' look! I am not mad, and I'm not imagining it."
"Joy," he sighed, taking my hands in his. I tried to take them back, but he was too strong. "I know you're upset about this murder and the fact that I've got a job to do—"
"What job?" I interrupted him, suspicious. "You mean something other than just your security work? Do you have another job? A secret job? Something else you aren't telling me?"