From the moment I landed I realized that coming here was a mistake. It was crazy to think that I could join in and match the jubilation of everyone else. My mind was a million miles away, cursing myself for failing Maura—for just not loving her enough.
Phoenix had gravitated toward me as soon as we arrived, apparently noticing my mood. I’d told him briefly it was about Maura and he understood I wanted space. Now he and my brothers stood at the side of the dance floor, staring at some of the extraordinarily attractive fae woman with their mouths half-open. All except Sky, who was doing everything in his powers to get Aisha and Horatio’s daughter, Riza, to dance with him.
“Just one dance,” Sky mock-pleaded. “You’re breaking my heart here, Riza.”
The jinni laughed, a tinkling, musical sound that was almost drowned out by the harmony of violas and flutes from the band nearest to us.
“Your heart’s robust, I’m sure you can take it,” she teased.
“It’s fragile!” Sky retorted, pretending to be deeply affronted. “Especially when it’s in the hands of a cruel, beautiful jinni girl with amethyst eyes…”
Riza, to her credit, gave a snort of derision.
“You’re ridiculous,” she replied, rolling her eyes, but she couldn’t hide the small smile of amusement that lit up her soft features.
“If you want me to stop, you’ll have to dance with me,” Sky bargained.
“Oh, heck—Riza, will you just dance with the idiot?” Blue intervened, apparently bored of his brother’s pleading. Riza accepted Sky’s outstretched hand with a sigh.
“I’m doing this to save your brothers from more pain,” she stated, leading him on to the dance floor. Sky grinned broadly, not believing her for a second.
I joined in the laughter of my brothers and Phoenix, but my heart wasn’t in it. Sky had been devoted to Riza for a long time, staying away while she was growing up, and then finally starting to pursue her when he felt the time was right. He looked at her the way my father looked at River. If Sky could manage to fall head-over-heels in love, then what was wrong with me?
I watched as Fly and Rock caught the attention of a group of fae girls and disappeared onto the dance floor.
“Where’s Maura tonight?” Blue asked, looking around as if she might appear out of nowhere.
Phoenix cleared his throat, suddenly fascinated by a bouquet of flowers that were trailing down from the nearest stone sculpture.
“She’s staying behind,” I replied curtly.
“What, why?” Blue questioned.
“She’s busy.”
“What are you talking abo—”
“Blue, want another drink?” Phoenix asked him, interjecting.
“I’m going to see my family,” I muttered, departing from the group before Blue could ask me any further questions. I knew I would have to tell my brothers soon, but not here—I knew they’d be devastated for me, and I didn’t want to dampen the mood.
I wandered past the dance floor, nearer the darkened mazes. I wasn’t particularly intent on finding my family—I knew how long Mom had been looking forward to tonight, and I felt my state of mind was like a poisonous thing, not to be inflicted on anyone but myself. Unfortunately, I spotted my parents just as they saw me… too late to turn away.
“There you are!” my mom exclaimed, smiling as she laid eyes on me.
“Where’s Maura?” Ben asked.
“She’s not coming,” I replied, trying to sound as casual as I could. Mom glanced over at Ben.
“Will you go and make sure Vita’s okay? I think I saw her near the palace steps, but Serena and Aida weren’t with her,” she said.
“Of course,” Ben replied. He turned to me, looking as if he wanted to say something, but instead gave me a friendly pat on the back and strode off in the direction of the palace.
“Do you want to talk about it?’ my mom asked, her gaze soft and concerned.
“Not really.” I smiled wryly. “There’s not a lot to say.”
My mom reached out and squeezed my hand.
“I think you need to talk about it, Field. I don’t like seeing you like this.”
“Really, it’s okay. Maura and I broke up. For good. She didn’t think it was ever going to work long-term, and, you know, that’s fine.” I cleared my throat, annoyed at myself for worrying my mom and letting my feelings show so obviously.
“And what do you think?” she asked.
I sighed. I wasn’t sure I knew what I thought. Part of me couldn’t imagine what it would be like not to be with Maura, and the other part of me understood what she’d been talking about. I knew we didn’t share the same intensity as quite a few couples in The Shade, but I’d just thought that was our way—that we were more casual and laid-back. Maybe I was wrong to think that way. Maybe I just didn’t understand what real, life-altering, all-consuming love was like.