A Gentleman’s Position(75)

“I don’t want you to do that either,” Richard said. “I was going to write to you.”

His hand was so warm, running through David’s hair, sending delicious shivers through his scalp. “Were you?”

“Mmm. I intended to leave a few days for you to calm down, make my apologies—again—and ask that you would see me, talk to me, before you took another post. I hoped you would grant me that much.”

“I dare say I would have. It is not easy for me to refuse you.”

“Old habit?” Richard asked, managing a smile that dropped away at whatever he saw in David’s face.

“You whistle, and I come running.” David looked away. This was not pleasant to say. “Silas didn’t strong-arm me to bring me here. I took down my coat the moment I saw him, and I feel quite sure you know that. I would find it very easy to do as you wish, to come back to you whenever you hold out a hand, no matter what you had done to drive me away, because you have been my master a very long time. And if I do that, it will sooner or later bring us back where we started, and I will not let that happen. I must not.” His voice was raw.

Richard’s hand had stilled. He gently withdrew it, leaving David’s scalp feeling cold. “I see. I’m sorry. Would you prefer me not to speak of this?”

“Of course not.” David’s mouth twisted. “You reaching for me? It’s everything I ever wanted, except for the parts I can’t bear.”

Richard nodded. “I don’t know what to say, David, except this: I don’t want you to come back to me for any reason but your own wish. Certainly not at my order, or even my plea. And I am well aware that puts the onus on you, again, but I have no idea what I can do about that except wait for you. That I can and will do, for as long as you need. I am not the master here, and anything between us is and will forever be your choice.” He gave David a smile that looked as though it hurt. “I know I earned your distrust. I will do what I must to earn your trust again. I promise you, I don’t expect it.”

David couldn’t find a response. Richard pushed a hand through his own hair, his expression a little rueful. “I may add that I have been more thoroughly talked at in the last weeks than in the total of my life before, and no doubt I shall make many more mistakes, but I intend to avoid repeating the same ones. We both have lessons to learn. You must learn to refuse me, and I must learn not to make it necessary so damned often.” He gave a sudden smile that made David’s heart lurch. “Or, alternatively, I might become even more unreasonable, so that you can rehearse your refusals at leisure. Shall I order a puce coat like that one of Harry’s?”

David narrowed his eyes. “If you wish to destroy a sartorial reputation on which I slaved for years.”

“In that case, I could ask Julius where he has his waistcoats made. What would you say to coquelicot and jonquil stripes? Horizontal, of course. I shall set a new fashion.”

David found himself grinning now, as Richard had clearly intended. “Don’t you dare.”

“You see? You are refusing me to the manner born, and I am quite sure you can do so whenever you like. You’ve walked away from me twice, after all. Will you kiss me now?”

David’s mouth opened. He shut his eyes. “No.”

“Very well done,” Richard said. “I should like to kiss you, David. I should like to taste my way from your lips all the way down your neck—”

“No.” David felt rather strangled.

Richard sounded short of breath himself. “Shall I kneel to you, David? Get my hands on your skin and my mouth on your prick?”

“No.”

“Then—are you fucked ever?”

“Yes,” David said breathlessly. “And no.”

“You said you liked my size. Believe me, you’d feel it if I fucked you. Right here, since you like floors so much, on your hands and knees so I can see your hair, your skin, until my weight bears you down to the carpet and I can hear you cry out under me—”

“I hate you,” David said with strong feeling. He was leaning against the table, gripping its edge with both hands to prevent himself from lying back on it.

“I hate myself.” Richard took a deep breath. “And yet you are not on your knees now, and I am quite sure that you will go about your business tonight and make short work of anyone who stands in your way. You have the strongest will I have ever encountered.”

“You shake it.”

“I know,” Richard said. “I don’t think many others do?”

That could have sounded like a vanity. David knew it was the opposite. “Nobody,” he said softly. “Nobody else.”