He stopped, as if finished.
“This is your teaching?”
“Not mine. Only one I once heard at a fire. Whenever I am in battle this teaching speaks to me.”
I considered the tale and understood parts but not the whole.
“So, then, tell me what it means,” I said.
“The beasts are all that we believe threatens us. There is no way to stop troubles from coming in this life. The mice, one white, one black, are day and night, the passing of our days. Neither can this be stopped. And yet, if one can calm the mind, take her eyes off the beasts, and release her fear, she might see what is before her.”
“The strawberries,” I said.
“And how sweet they are.” He paused. “It is similar to the teaching of Yeshua and the harsh taskmaster, yes?”
Yeshua also had spoken of being able to see the light. But hearing Saba say it, I was seeing only darkness. There were no strawberries and there was no light. I was bound by fear of the beasts all about me.
“There is a beast in Dumah, far behind us,” Saba said. “And one in Herod, ahead. Only by releasing your fear can you partake of what good stands before you.”
“And if the woman on the vine is blind? What then, Saba?”
“Is blindness of the eyes or the heart?”
Anger welled up in my breast and I turned to him.
“Look at me, Saba,” I snapped.
His head turned and I lifted the veil from my eyes.
“Tell me, are my eyes clear? Are these the eyes that Herod once saw?”
“It is not—”
“Answer me! What do you see? Are my eyes clear?”
He didn’t speak, so I let the veil fall and faced the wash ahead of us.
“I cannot see, Saba.” A great weight smothered me and I struggled to maintain my composure. “I’ve done everything the world has asked of me and now I find myself blind to it.”
“This will pass,” he said.
“So you said nine days ago.” I was disgusted with myself for having so little strength. Was not the whole world faced with suffering? I had to shed my own self-pity before it swallowed me entirely, but I was powerless to do so.
Stinging tears came to my eyes.
“Forgive me.”
“It is a difficult thing asked of you, Maviah. I spoke too quickly with this teaching.”
“No.” I exhaled slowly and gathered myself. “No, I am grateful for you. Please… forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive,” he said.
Always the rock, I thought. Judah the lion, Saba the pillar.
“I’m afraid for Judah. Even if we succeed…” My emotions choked me.
“When we succeed, we will return to Dumah and crush the Thamud.”
Saba seemed to have adopted Judah’s optimism. But I could not believe in any such future.
“I’m afraid, Saba.”
He brought his camel to a halt and faced me.
“Then the mystic will give you courage,” he said.
Yeshua.
We’d decided that Saba would go into Sepphoris and find the woman named Joanna—the disciple of Yeshua who was married to Herod’s chief steward, Chuza. Nicodemus, who was pure in heart, had told me I could trust her, and so I would.
Joanna would know Herod’s state of affairs. Nearly four months had passed since I last saw the king, and much had changed. She would tell us how to make an entrance to his courts. More importantly, as a follower of the mystic, she could tell us where to find Yeshua, who traveled often.
“We will make camp here,” Saba said. “Sepphoris is only two miles.”
So, then… the time had arrived.
“It is still your wish that I go alone?” he asked.
“It’s the only way. Don’t worry about me. I can fend for myself for a day. We are far off the road, are we not?”
“Yes.”
“Then I will be safe.”
“I will gather wood,” he said.
“No, Saba. Go while there’s still light. If you cannot find Joanna then find the other one, Stephen, son of Gamil. Trust no one else.”
“I understand.”
“If you find Joanna, I must know all she can tell you about this woman, Herodias. I need to know when she is with Herod and what influence she has in matters of state. I also need to know if Herod is bullheaded or cautious. I need to know what his court believes in regard to Phasa’s flight. I need to know—”
“Yes, Maviah. I remember all that we spoke about.”
But I was still anxious.
“Everything?”
“I know even what we have not discussed.”
I nodded. “You will try to return by morning?”
“No later than one day, even if I fail.”
“Don’t fail.”
“No.”