“And what is a ruler? In the east, a man seeks to rule his own heart, not a land or a people.”
“In the east, perhaps, but you are in Israel. Here it is the land and God’s chosen people.” He turned to Saba. “At the least, you now know that the stars have conspired to give us a sign.”
Saba finally nodded. “What I know even more is that Rami is in need of Rome, and I serve Rami. As do you. And we serve Maviah, who is now the voice of Rami.”
“Yes,” Judah said, settling with his attention fixed forward once again. “Of this too there can be no doubt.”
We made camp in a shallow, dry wadi just before the city, for it was too late to make any entrance to Herod’s palace that day.
That night we spoke little, each enslaved by his own thoughts. But the voices in my head kept sleep from me, so I finally rose and walked around an outcropping of rock near the bedded camels.
The night was silent and lit only by starlight, without a moon. No creature stirred and still my mind would not join the calm.
When I reflected on Miriam’s kindness I fell further into the hopelessness of my predicament. Like Miriam, I too was only a woman. Like her and her son, I too was an outcast.
And Miriam, though mother of Judah’s mystical king, was afraid of Herod. As was I, and for the same reason as she. As she herself had made plain, Herod was ruthless and could not be trusted. I became certain that I would fail miserably in the task set before me.
Who was I to walk into Sepphoris to request the Roman armies for my father’s sake? The notion now struck me as preposterous.
Dread shadowed me.
Who are you, Maviah, to sway a king?
Who are you to seek vengeance against the vast Thamud?
Who are you but a slave still, no more free than upon your first breath?
My father and Judah and Saba had all made a terrible mistake in entrusting me with the dagger of Varus, for in my hand it was only a worthless relic, sure to draw little more than a chuckle from Herod.
I was pacing on the sand with my arms crossed, mired in an unprecedented fear, when a voice spoke.
“They are like you,” it said.
I turned to find Judah staring up at the stars.
“No thought can remove them from the sky.” He looked at me with a smile.
“What are you doing?” I demanded, disturbed by his appearance.
“I saw that you were unsettled,” he said, coming closer.
“Of course I’m unsettled. This entire mission is absurd.”
“And yet it’s the only way. You will rise like the sun.”
“What do you expect from me?” I snapped at him. “I am only a woman!”
His smile softened. “I expect nothing more from you,” he said.
“Nothing more?” I could have told him that he might take this nothing and choke on it, because it was a lie. Instead I only grunted and turned away to avoid heaping my frustration on him.
“Maviah… what Rami has asked of you… it’s far too much for any common woman. But you—”
“Stop it!” I turned, face hot.
“Stop it?”
“Stop it! Do not ply me with your silver tongue.”
He blinked and I knew immediately that I had hurt him. But I only crossed my arms again and turned away. Judah as much as my father had placed the weight of the world upon my shoulders.
For a long while, he said nothing. Then I heard his feet on the sand. I felt his hand take mine.
I turned and saw that Judah was on his knee, face lifted, tears brimming in the dim light.
“I beg your forgiveness,” he said, voice strained. “If I have harmed but one hair on your head, I stand condemned. I see you only as the brightest star in the heavens. I worship you as that queen. If my tongue hurts you with even a whisper, you must cut it out, so that I would be as silent as your father now.”
The boldness of his approach took me off guard and I glanced into the night, expecting to be seen, but we were alone.
“I beg you, Maviah. Do not cast me away.”
How could a man speak in such subservience to me? I was unaccustomed to such extravagant praise. My first instinct was to pull away.
But the sincerity in his eyes stilled me. Judah truly did see me as one who had great power, if not over the world, then over his world. It was then that I first realized the true nature of his heart. I had known we shared affection, but this… this was far more.
Judah was not only drawn to me.
He loved me.
“How could I cast you away?” I said quietly.
He pulled my hand closer and gently placed a kiss on my fingers.
“Then I remain your humble servant. For you I would lay down my life.”
For the second time in that same day, overwhelming emotion swallowed me and tears sprang to my eyes. I did not feel worthy of such words. I did not know what to make of them. Instead of gratitude, fear rose into my throat.