A Christmas to Remember(80)

Olivia was safely on her pillow and Adam slid off the bed, standing up and facing Carrie. He was looking at her differently. She’d never seen that expression before, and it made her feel elated and terrified and relieved all at the same time. She thought she knew what his look was saying, but she was too worried that she was wrong. It looked to her like he felt something for her, like he might even want to kiss her, which scared her to death. Was she completely off base? If so, what was he trying to tell her?

She made eye contact in an attempt to tell him in their unspoken language that she welcomed whatever he was thinking. He took a step closer to her, looking down at her now because of his proximity. All the signs were pointing in the right direction, but she still had so many questions. She felt something for Adam—something she’d never felt before—but she didn’t trust her instincts.

He leaned forward an infinitesimal amount, just enough to make the gesture noticeable. It was as if he were testing the waters. She worried, suddenly, what to do with her hands, how to manage her emotions. If she did what she felt she should do, would it be right? She wanted to grab him by the waistband of his trousers and pull him to her, kiss him, but she didn’t know what she was supposed to do. What was a first kiss supposed to be like with someone like him? What if she crossed some sort of line? All the thoughts were racing inside her mind, flying back and forth, making it hard to focus on any one thought. She felt her hands begin to tremble; her breath became shallow. Adam reached out and touched her arm, sending shivers right up her spine.

There was a creak of the door hinges, and both of them nearly jumped away from each other. David was standing in the doorway, a groggy look on his face. Carrie rushed forward and ushered him into the hallway, Adam following behind, closing the door to Olivia’s room.

“I heard Olivia,” he said. “I tried to go back to sleep but then I heard Daddy.” They entered his room and David crawled back into bed. “Will you read to me too, Daddy?” David was already closing his eyes, snuggling down into his pillow. Adam pulled a book off his shelf and sat down next to him. David was asleep before the third page, but Adam continued to read until the entire book was finished.

Carrie took in slow, steady breaths to try and calm the emotions that had been stirred up in Olivia’s room. Had he been ready to kiss her? Perhaps she’d gotten it wrong. Maybe he was just going to thank her for the way she’d handled Olivia.

If they’d had a moment at all, it had clearly passed when he stood up this time, but Carrie didn’t want their time to end. She mentally scrambled for a way to keep him from going downstairs. She didn’t want to have to mingle with his family when she was in this state of mind. She wouldn’t be able to think of anything other than the few precious moments she’d just spent with Adam. Then she remembered! When they got to the hallway, she whispered, “We still have to wrap the Christmas presents. While we’re upstairs, and we know the kids are asleep, should we wrap some of them?”

It was almost as if he sensed her motives because he responded with a slow nod, his eyes moving around her face. Then, he put his hand on the small of her back and led her down the hallway. “The presents are in the closet in my bedroom,” he whispered as they walked. She had to work to focus on his words because all she could process was the warmth of his hand on her back. The whole way she analyzed the placement of his hand. She wasn’t about to fall, she knew how to get around the house—there was no other reason for him to touch her except to be affectionate. She tried to rationalize the moments they’d had tonight, thinking that there must be some explanation for them, something other than what she was feeling, because that wouldn’t make any sense. Why would he make advances toward her—the nanny—when he could be with anyone? Someone like Andy.

When they came to a stop, she realized that she was about to enter his bedroom. She’d never been in it before. Rose, the cleaning lady, always took care of everything in there, so Carrie had no reason to go in at all. There was something so personal about the place where Adam slept, where he closed his eyes and became vulnerable to everything around him.

The bed was king-sized, sleek, stained in a mahogany color, the crisp white duvet and shams standing out like snow against the blue-gray walls surrounding. Carrie pictured what it would be like to be under that fluffy cover, her head sinking into the down pillow, Adam beside her, his hand on her waist. She could feel the splotches rising up her neck at the mental image. She turned away from the bed to rid her mind of the thoughts and found herself directly in front of Adam. He looked down at her, a very slight smile on his lips.