“Do you love it enough to sacrifice your family?” a quiet voice said from the doorway. Sharon was standing with her arms folded, her face tired and blank. She looked as though she were too tired to emote.
Unease was swimming around inside Carrie as she stood witness to this family and its issues. She felt terrible for being there. Clearly there was something going on, and she shouldn’t be a part of it, but the door to the hallway was across the room and she wouldn’t be able to inch her way over to it without everyone noticing. She was pinned in the corner of the kitchen, her heart drumming with anxiety from the disagreement. They were all saying what she knew to be true about Adam, and he was getting upset. There was a tiny part of her who wanted to walk over to him, tell him it would be okay, and that she would love to help him figure it all out. She’d seen how lovely he could be with the kids if he’d just give himself enough time to bond with them. His family would certainly embrace him—she’d seen it when they’d arrived. It could be fixed if he’d just try. But there was another part of her that was thinking, How dare you treat your mom like this and make her and your family seem so unimportant to you! Her contradictory emotions confused her, made her head swim.
“I’m not sacrificing anything,” he said through clenched teeth. “This is the way it is. Gwen has the kids most of the time, and when they’re here, I make as much time as I can for them, but in the end, I’m the sole breadwinner, and I don’t see any other way to look at it. They are provided for, cared for, and safe.”
“But they aren’t loved,” Sharon said. She had that look in her eyes like she’d had earlier—daggers.
“How dare you insinuate that I don’t love my kids.”
“You show them every day how much you don’t love them. Some of us would do anything to have those kids. Anything,” her voice broke as she said the word. The way she’d ended that statement, Carrie thought Sharon may have had something else to say, but, clearly, her emotions had gotten in the way. Once she’d centered herself, she asked quietly, “Why didn’t you fight Gwen to have the kids more? They’re your kids too, Adam.”
“Never mind,” Adam said, turning away from them. “I’m not hungry anymore.” He left the room, never answering Sharon, and Carrie stood there just like the others: mentally trying to pick up the pieces that had shattered tonight.
Chapter Fourteen
Identify what triggers your stress and eliminate it. Carrie thought how this suggestion had no relevance at all. The tension in the air was so thick she could almost see it, and there was no way to get rid of it.
Walter, who had been sitting silently during the argument, stood up and dragged his fingers across the table, piling his cards into the center. He picked them up, tapped the pile until it resembled a deck again, and put the cards back into their box. As he did so, he nodded toward the seat beside him, his gaze on Sharon. Her face was flushed, her eyes on the brink of tears again, but this time, instead of running out of the room, she sat down beside Walter and put her head on his shoulder. With his hand, unsteady from age, he patted her arm.
“He doesn’t get it,” she said, her tears revealing her pain. The tears came easily, like they’d been waiting there to be released, as if she had stored them up over the years and now, just being around Adam could make them surface from that deep place where she’d pushed them down. She’d looked thin to Carrie before, but only now did she notice the darkness under her eyes and the way she carried her body as if every movement required more energy than she had.
Carrie knew that she couldn’t dare ask the family what Sharon was battling, but she wondered if she needed to know at all. The point was that Adam’s sister felt that he wasn’t showing love to his children, and she thought it too. She didn’t need to know the family drama, but she did want to find out what Adam thought of it. She wanted to check on him anyway after his exit, to be sure he was okay. The whole thing made her feel anxious and upset, and seeing Adam could either worsen that or ease it—she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know what mood he’d be in if she tried to talk to him right now, but something made her want to go. She was a neutral party, so perhaps he’d open up. Would he listen to her? Could she be his voice of reason? She decided to try.
“I’ll be back,” she said, but she looked right at Joyce, hoping his mother could read her mind. Adam’s mother took a long look at her, her eyes unstill with thought. Then, Joyce nodded, and Carrie knew she understood. She left the kitchen and headed to the office.