A Christmas to Remember(11)

With children, she didn’t have to worry about how she looked or what she said. With adults, she had to be more careful, think more about how they may view her, and it made her uneasy. Compounding her uneasiness was the fact that she knew once she found a different career and actually had the time to go out, she didn’t feel comfortable having drinks with strangers or going to bars to meet people. She just wanted that one person who would love her in her frumpy sweater and bunchy socks with spit up on her shoulder. Finding that one person, though, seemed exhausting. It had been different when she was in college—she could go out to bars with all her friends and meet people with no problem, but now, in her thirties, when everyone else she knew was settled down in careers and families, there wasn’t anyone to go out with, and certainly far fewer people to meet in her age range. She worried that working professionals who frequented bars in the city probably didn’t have very much in common with her. No one would understand her kind of life. It seemed hopeless.

Adam shut the door to the refrigerator. “Follow me. I’ll get you some supper and you can try this.” He held up one of the bottles. Was he going to have a drink with her? What would she say to him? How could she make conversation? She’d been out of the game too long to know how to talk to a man with no children pulling on her attention. Perhaps they could talk about David and Olivia, she thought. But what would she say once that conversation had died down? She didn’t know much about the area or anything about him. A prickle of nervousness pelted her skin. She’d only just gotten there, she kept telling herself, so it would take a little while for her to become comfortable and assertive. But she would eventually relax. Right?

Carrie followed Adam down the hallway until they reached the kitchen. The smell of something cooking in the oven made her tummy rumble. Natalie and the children weren’t there. She guessed that the children must have already finished supper and were on their way to their baths, and she felt a little sad that she couldn’t share her meal with them. Meals were the best time to talk to each other. It would have been a perfect time to get to know them. While she was glad to have the chance to learn more about Adam, she wondered why he hadn’t spent much time with them. Why was he having a drink with her when he could’ve eaten supper with the children, played with them, gotten them ready for bed himself?

Adam popped the top off one of the bottles and poured out a small amount. “It’s better in a glass the first time you drink it. You can taste it better,” he said, handing it to her.

When the froth had fizzled, she took a sip. It was really good. The flavor of it took her right back to all those weekends with her dad: the team jerseys they wore on game day, tossing footballs in the backyard after the game, the smell of burgers on the grill. Those memories were so rich, so happy, that she felt sad because she hadn’t had anything like that in years. Would she ever have her own family to make memories like those?

“What do you think?” he asked, taking a sip from his own bottle.

“It’s delicious,” she said. Her memories and the beer had calmed her significantly. Familiar, she thought with a grin. I’ll bet that’s what my book had meant. She turned the bottle around in her hand and peered down at the label. “I’ve never had this brand before. I like the label,” she said out loud by accident. This was why she shouldn’t go out and try to meet people, she thought, because she ended up talking about beer labels. Her skills in being alluring and interesting were horrifying.

Politely, Adam looked down at his bottle, studying it. “I don’t know. I’m not sure about all the white space there,” he said, pointing to the label. He was clearly trying to make her stupid comment seem relevant, but she knew good and well what a ridiculous topic she’d started. She should have known better. She’d read a book about how to handle social interactions with strangers: Smile. When the stranger begins to speak, listen by making eye contact. Head nodding is often an appropriate response to show interest. At the time she’d read it, it had sounded ridiculous, and she’d thought any idiot would know that. Now, she mentally retracted that statement. She didn’t want to contemplate the fact that she’d just fallen into the “Idiot” category.

But he didn’t really seem that bothered by the conversation, so she continued. “Wouldn’t it look nice with some green on the white background? Maybe for Christmas,” she smiled. Adam pursed his lips and nodded as if contemplating her suggestion. Either he’s great at hiding boredom, or he’s really into this beer, she thought.