“Oh? It’s not going to involve me and some back alley creeps, is it?”
“No,” he chuckled. “I want you to come up with two memories. One before your…before what happened to you.” He couldn’t say it. He should be able to, but something about the vulnerability in her eyes and body made him hesitate before saying rape. “And another memory after. Each one has to be about you doing something daring. It could be as crazy as skydiving or as simple as going on a rollercoaster if you were afraid of them. But when you think about each memory, I want you to think about how you felt while you were in the moment, how you told yourself it was okay. I want you to see if there were any differences between the thought processes. When you come back next week, I want to know what they are, and we’ll talk about even miniscule differences that are identified. Don’t worry, Megan. We’ll bring you back to the land of the living.” This time she smiled, and it was full of hope as she nodded in agreement. She could do this. They could do this.
Chapter 5
Declan had the next hour off. He sat on the couch where Megan had been sitting. After she left, he had somehow ended up there. He leaned his head back to ponder what had just transpired. He had felt close to her. Not physically, it was almost like there was something inside her that he wanted to heal with just his touch. He couldn’t understand it, and he couldn’t comprehend it. Sure, she is beautiful and yes, she is damaged, but why do I feel a pull toward her like she is the sun? He rationalized that it was because she was his first rape case and there was something so heart wrenching about being violated like that. He dealt with people straight from the Army who had seen their friends die. Who had seen such atrocious things that it kept them up at night. But when you go into war, you expect that. It didn’t make it right, but it was something that wasn’t surprising. However, when you were the one who had been turned inside out, against your will, the vulnerability that came from that wasn’t the endearing kind. It was the kind that made anyone around you want to be there for you, walk on eggshells around you, shelter you, and comfort you. And that was exactly what Declan wanted for Megan.
He wanted to help her in a way he didn’t even fully understand. He just knew he needed to help her break free from the chains that were surrounding her. She had been stuck inside herself for too long. It wasn’t fair. She hadn’t asked for that. She hadn’t signed up for it. It wasn’t genetic or environmental. He would help her if it was the last thing he did.
He had given her an assignment. Remember a time when she dared herself to do something she was scared to do. He closed his eyes and smiled as a memory filtered in.
“Come on, Dec,” Lucas called out. “Everyone’s already waiting for us.”
Lucas was two years older than Declan. He loved to point that out, but two years was actually the perfect age gap. It was just enough so that Lucas could assert himself as the big brother and look out for Declan the way Lucas knew how. But it was small enough that Declan never felt anything other than equal, except maybe when Lucas was being overprotective.
Declan had been a really good kid, even as a teenager. He had followed all his parents’ rules, got good grades, and hung out with the right kids. It was pretty easy to do all that when his parents were easygoing, especially if Lucas was involved. As good as Declan was, Lucas was better. He was literally the golden child. One would think that would make Declan jealous or envious, but it actually didn’t. He looked up to Lucas, aspired to be like him. And Lucas was truly an amazing big brother. Wherever he went, he took Declan with him. Whenever Declan was supposed to get in trouble, Lucas finagled for him. Declan knew he was lucky; most of his friends fought like they were professional MMA fighters when it came to their siblings. But not them. Sure, they had some arguments and didn’t get along all the time. Like when Lucas dated Crystal Hitchings when he was sixteen—Declan didn’t like having to take a backseat to that relationship. But it was never anything they couldn’t resolve.
Declan was sixteen and Lucas was eighteen, and this was the last summer they had together before Lucas up and moved to college. Declan was proud of Lucas, but he was going to miss him like crazy. He was leaving in a few weeks, and Lucas decided it was time for Declan to make the jump, literally.
Lucas and his friends had been jumping from the cliffs into the water below, a jump that looked about a hundred feet tall to Declan, but was probably only about ten or fifteen feet, depending on where you jumped from. Declan always went with them, but his little secret was that he was afraid to do it. He was afraid of heights, to some extent, but he would have forced himself to push through that and jump a long time ago. It was the irrational fear that he was going to somehow manage to be the only person to land on a jagged rock that no one could see under the water and die. There were no jagged rocks, Lucas had assured him several times, but it didn’t stop Declan from hesitating. So what did Lucas do? He told all their friends that he threatened Declan with bodily harm and ratting to his parents about his little not-so-innocent magazine collection. He said it was because he wouldn’t be able to handle it if something happened to Declan and it was his fault. The guys ended up making fun of Lucas instead of Declan. Telling him he was overprotective and crazy and nothing would happen to Declan, but Lucas didn’t care. Declan would have been ridiculed for being scared, so this was his solution. See? Amazing big brother.