Looking down at my left hand, I toyed with the gold band that sat around my ring finger. Time to move on, I thought. That meant finally taking this off. My heart ached as I slipped the ring off my finger, but it wasn't the same debilitating ache I'd suffered with for years. It was more bittersweet. The end of one thing and the beginning of something new. Maybe one day, when she was old enough, I'd give the ring to Sophia as a way to remember her mother. I'd put it on a chain so she could wear it around her neck as a constant reminder that her mother was loved whole-heartedly. Sophia would love that.
Bringing the ring to my lips, I placed a kiss on the cold metal before sliding it into my front pocket.
I inhaled through my nose, blowing out slowly between my lips as I stood from the ground. "You gave me absolutely everything I needed when I had you. You taught me how to be a better man, a man worthy of the love of two of the best women I've ever had the privilege of knowing. Thank you for giving me that, honey. I hope I was able to give you the same thing."
Kissing my fingertips, I bent and placed the right over her name. "I'll be back again, I promise. I love you, Addy. Always."
I stood tall and turned back toward my rental car. Just as I lifted my head, something from the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned my head just as the sun peaked out from behind the dreary gray clouds that always hung over the Seattle sky, and a rainbow formed, its colors pale but clear as day against the gray backdrop.
My lips spread into a smile that reached all the way to my eyes, and I kept my gaze on that rainbow as I made my way back to the car. There wasn't a doubt in my mind what that meant. Addy was happy for me. And that was her way of telling me I'd given her everything she needed.
Quinn
One month later
I TURNED FROM the stove and slid a plate of pancakes in front of Sophia. She didn't bother lifting her head from her hand as she reached for her fork.
"Why the long face, Angel?"
She shrugged her shoulders and stuffed a huge bite of pancake in her mouth without answering. "Sophia."
She finally brought her eyes to mine and let out a dramatic sigh. "I miss Miss Lilly."
I lifted one of my eyebrows as I bent to rest my elbows on the island in front of her. "You see her all the time in dance class, honey."
"Yeah, but that's not the same," she insisted. "I miss her coming here for dinner and hanging out with us. I miss her making you laugh really hard."
"I laugh all the time, sweetheart."
She gave me a sarcastic scowl that only a seven-year old girl could pull off. "Not like you do with Miss Lilly."
I let out a small sigh of defeat. "You really miss her being around, huh?"
Her look screamed duh. "And she's sad like, all the time."
My back snapped straight and I frowned down at my daughter. "What do you mean?"
She shrugged again. "I dunno, like, she's just sad. She doesn't look happy like she used to. And sometimes, when I hug her, she looks like she wants to cry. It makes me sad. I want her to be happy, and I want you to laugh at her funny jokes."
I knew the feeling. Each day without her had dragged into the next at a snail's pace. I missed her so much it hurt, but I knew I couldn't try to win her back if I hadn't fixed myself first. So I had to give it time, no matter how fucking much I hated it. My actions meant more to her than my words, I needed to prove I was the man she deserved.
And I was trying.
There were still subtle reminders of Addy around the house, but that was more for Sophia's benefit than anything else. My wedding ring was sitting tucked away in a drawer, waiting for my daughter to be old enough to have it. The picture that used to rest on my bedside table now sat in a box on my closet shelf. I didn't get rid of anything, but it was packed away, ready and waiting to be pulled out when the time came to tell Sophia stories about her mother.
My therapist said I was making progress, and I walked out of each session feeling like I'd shed a bit more of that guilt I'd been carrying. For the first time in years I felt better, almost happy.
Almost.
Because I didn't think I could be fully and totally happy until I had Lilly back. But I was closer than I had been.
And I felt like the time had finally come.
"Hey Angel?" I called, taking Sophia's attention back from her pancakes.
"Yeah, Daddy?"
"What would you say if Miss Lilly started coming around here a lot more often?"
Her face broke out in a huge smile. "That'd be awesome!"
That was what I'd thought. I nodded my head, more determined than ever to take this final leap. It wasn't just for me, it was for Sophia, too. Me and my daughter both needed Lilly in our lives.
I needed to make a grand gesture.