I knew she was right. I knew that the selfless thing to do would have been to keep my distance and let Lilly move on. There was only one problem.
I wasn't sure that I could.
Quinn
THE SERVICE HADN'T officially started yet, so I stood in the chapel as a few family members and close friends milled about, waiting for the doors to open. I kept my gaze firmly on Lilly as she stood at the front of the vestibule, her focus centered on the blown-up pictures of her father that sat on easels between multiple large sprays of flowers. She hadn't moved for several minutes, hadn't said more than a handful of words since waking up that morning.
I felt helpless, wanting nothing more than to take her pain away, but knowing it wasn't my place. I'd given up that right when I ruined us.
"Sweetheart." I turned my head at the sound of my mother's voice and was surprised to see her walking up the aisle, hand-in-hand with Sophia.
"Mom? What are you two doing here?"
She stopped next to me and placed a kiss on my cheek at the same time Sophia wrapped her arms around my waist in a brief, but tight hug. "Soph wanted to come and make sure Ms. Lilly was all right. She wouldn't take no for an answer."
I ruffled my daughter's hair, noticing for the first time that she was quiet, not her usual hyper self. She looked sad as her eyes traveled to where Lilly stood. "Angel, I'm not sure if now's a really good time."
Her sparkling blue eyes came back to me. "Please, Daddy. She's prolly really sad right now. I can make her feel better. I promise I can."
I opened my mouth to argue, even though my daughter's determination warmed my heart, but Mom's hand on my arm stopped me. "Just let her have a few minutes," she said quietly. I nodded and we followed after Sophia, stopping a few feet back as she reached up and gave Lilly's hand a small tug.
"Hi, Ms. Lilly."
Lilly's smile was forced, but she still bent and hugged her. "Well, hey there, Little Miss."
My daughter spoke then. "I'm really sorry about your daddy."
"Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"You know that song you sang to me to chase away my bad dreams?" Lilly's body went visibly stiff as she nodded, and the urge to get to her side and offer comfort shot threw me, but Mom linked her arm through mine and held me back. "Do you … do you think it would work to chase the sad away, too?" Sophia asked, and that one simple question slayed me, slicing to the very core.
Lilly's voice was rough with emotion as she answered, "I don't know, honey."
"Well, Meemaw downloaded it for me so I could learn all the words. I'm really good at it now. Do you maybe want me to sing it to you to see if it helps?"
I heard a soft inhale of breath to my right and turned my head to see Lilly's mom standing there, watching with tears streaming down her cheeks as Eliza held on to her.
I looked back just as Lilly crouched low, resting on her knees in front of Sophia. "I'd like that very much," she whispered. Then Sophia's little voice filled the room as she began to sing "Landslide." Wet hit my eyes just as Lilly's voice joined in on the second chorus. What I was witnessing was so beautiful, so raw. I'd never seen anything like it in my life.
When they finally finished the song, Lilly moved in and held my daughter in the tightest embrace. Sophia just stood there, returning the hug like she knew exactly what Lilly needed in that very moment. It was almost too much to witness. I had to turn away, and when I did, my gaze landed on Elizabeth once again.
Through her tears she smiled and mouthed thank you. And once again, I was cut to my core.
Lilly
I COULDN'T SEE the purpose of funerals.
It wasn't that I didn't understand allowing people their chance to grieve the loss of someone they cared about, but if I had it my way, there would be a separate service for family, and another for friends, co-workers, and the like. That way they'd have a chance to say their final good-byes without the immediate family having to deal with countless people saying such banal things as 'I'm sorry for your loss.' Yeah, not as sorry as I am. Or 'Time heals all wounds.' Well can you find me a fucking time machine so I can shoot myself to the point in time where the crushing weight in my chest doesn't hurt so goddamned much? Then, my personal favorite, 'He's in a better place.' I lost count of how many times I wanted to shout in someone's face, asking, "Yeah? How the fuck would you know? You been there?"
Surprisingly enough, Quinn had stayed true to his word. He hadn't left my side the entire day. I might have been walking around in a constant fog, but at least I had him and Eliza to guide my way for me.