"You can stay," she said, her voice flat. "You're here, and my mom invited you, so you can stay. You're right. I need all the help I can get to make it through the next few days." I breathed a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived as she continued. "But nothing's changed. You're still the guy who broke my heart a month ago. We aren't friends, Quinn. You're here because I need someone, but that's it. Once we get back to Pembrooke, things go back to the way they've been. Don't try and be a part of my life. Don't try and be my friend. If you can't do that, then you should leave now. Understand?"
It killed me that I couldn't protest, because she was right. Nothing had changed. She'd told me she loved me, and in return, I'd ended our relationship. I still couldn't give her what she needed, what she deserved. I'd had that once already and destroyed it. I didn't deserve it again. The guilt was still there, eating away at my insides, leaving me empty. No matter how much I wanted Lilly, how much she meant to me, I couldn't give her that.
"I understand." I nodded and hooked the strap of my bag over my shoulder, and if it was even possible, her expression grew even sadder. As I followed her up the path to the front door, I couldn't help but think that me being here was only making everything worse on her.
But I couldn't make myself stay away.
TO SAY LILLY wasn't coping would have been an understatement. I'd kept a close eye on her the past two days, always at the distance she kept me at. She watched her mother like a hawk, so much so that she was able to anticipate Elizabeth's needs before the words were even spoken. She cleaned, she played gracious hostess to all of her family, and held her mother whenever things got too hard and the poor woman couldn't hold back the tears. Eliza and I accompanied the two of them as they went to make the funeral arrangements, and even then, Lilly put on a brave face, only shedding a handful of tears as she talked to the funeral director.
She was carrying the weight of her own loss and everyone else's on her own shoulders, trying her best to take the burden off of an entire family. I kept my mouth closed, but with every minute that ticked by, my worry for her continued to grow. If she kept up at the rate she was going, there was no doubt in my mind that she would eventually have a meltdown.
I knew by the sadness and concern in Eliza's eyes that she saw it too, and felt just as helpless as I did. "She's going to lose it," she whispered to me at one point yesterday.
"Yeah," was all I could say in response.
"I'm afraid she'll do it once I'm back in Denver, that I won't be here to help her."
My gaze traveled down to where her hand rested on the noticeable swell of her belly. "I know she's your best friend, but you can't take on too much stress," I warned, tipping my chin at her baby bump. "Not with that little one cooking inside there."
Eliza smiled and turned her attention from Lilly to me, and my head jerked back in shock at what she said next. "I don't like you very much right now." It wasn't the words that threw me off as much as the tone of her voice. She sounded downright conversational as she told me she didn't like me, not the slightest bit angry. Women - especially pregnant ones - needed to come with a goddamn manual. "I know what was going on with you two," she admitted. "It took a hell of a lot of pushing, but I finally got her to tell me, and I think you're a real asshole."
"I am," I replied, feeling the weight of that admission on my chest. I hated that I hurt Lilly, that I couldn't be the man she deserved. And in the month since I'd ended it, I went to bed most nights wishing things could have been different.
Turning her body in my direction, giving me her full attention, the lightness in Eliza's tone disappeared. "You hurt her, in a way I've never seen Lilly hurt before. And now, when she's struggling with the most painful thing she's ever dealt with, you're standing right here. Why?"
"I … " Taken back by her question, I had to stop and think about my answer, and despite how pathetic it was, the only reply I could come up with was, "I couldn't not be here. As soon as I found out, I just got in my truck and started driving."
She nodded like she understood completely. "Well, I might not like you, but I appreciate you looking out for my best friend."
"You're welcome."
Her voice dropped to a low whisper as she added, "But when this is over, you need to leave her alone." At that, I stopped breathing. "You've already made it clear that the two of you aren't going anywhere, so let her go. She's been through enough. She survived you once, but with everything that's happened … " She gave a small wave to encompass Elizabeth's living room and all the people in it. " … don't make her try and survive you a second time. Just … leave her alone."