A Broken Soul(71)

"I wouldn't want to impose-"

"Nonsense." She waved me off. "You wouldn't be imposing at all. The house is full of people anyway, and there's no way I'll ever be able to eat everything in the kitchen. You'd be doing me a favor. I can't let you drive back to Pembrooke on an empty stomach."

I dropped Elizabeth's hand and gave Lilly side-eyes as I said, "I'm actually not going back for a few days. My folks are watching my daughter for me. I rented a room at the Holiday Inn a few miles away. I wanted to be here for Lilly if she needed me."

From the corner of my eye, I could see Lilly's face growing red as Elizabeth pulled in a breath and clasped her hands in front of her. "Oh how sweet! Isn't that sweet, honey?"

Lilly looked like she'd just bitten into a lemon while she ground out, "Yeah. So sweet." It was an inappropriate thought, considering the circumstances, but I couldn't help but want to gloat, knowing I'd just won that round.

"You should stay here," Elizabeth continued. "We have plenty of room. No reason for you to have to pay for a hotel."

"Mom," Lilly cut in. "I'm sure Quinn would feel more comfortable in his own space." She shot me a quick, murderous glare and the knot in my stomach unfurled a bit, seeing that familiar fire in her eyes after how blank they were when I'd first arrived.

"I insist!" Elizabeth kindly patted my shoulder. "Go get your bags, Quinn. Lilly can show you to the guestroom upstairs."

"B-but … " she sputtered as I tried to keep from grinning triumphantly. "What about Eliza? That was supposed to be her room. Where's she supposed to sleep?"

"She can sleep with you, honey. It'll be just like old times when you were kids."

Another wave of sorrow washed over Lilly's face, and I understood exactly what she was thinking. Just like old times, with the exception of one very important person being present. "I'll just go get my stuff," I said in an attempt to pull her from her sad memories.

"I'll help," she offered softly before leading me out the front door.

Once we got outside, I noticed all she had to ward off the cold in the air was a cardigan that she had pulled closed tightly around her. "You shouldn't be out here without a jacket," I started, as I followed her to my truck in the driveway. "It's supposed to start snowing any time now." 

"Why are you here?" she asked, ignoring what I just said. "Seriously, Quinn. Don't you think I'm struggling enough already? You have to go and make it harder after-" Her voice broke as another bout of grief worked to consume her. I tried to go to her, but she took a step away, holding one hand out to stop me. In that moment I felt helpless, and it was a feeling I absolutely hated. She was struggling and there was nothing I could do to help her through it. She wouldn't let me.

"I can't do this with you right now," she whispered, wrapping her arms around her waist as if holding herself together. "I need to be here for my mom. I can't afford to lose it."

"And what about you?" I asked, my voice hard. "Who's supposed to be here for you? You can't take all the weight for your mother and not mourn yourself. It's not healthy."

"You think I don't know that?!" she shouted. I could see those whiskey-colored eyes of hers shining with tears before she squeezed them closed and ran both her hands through her hair in agitation. "I can't … " She swallowed convulsively. "I can't do this. I don't know how to do this, Quinn. Everything hurts. I miss my dad. I want him back. I want him to come back, but he's never going to." She sobbed. "And then you show up, and it just hurts to look at you. I can't handle all of this. I need to be strong for Mom, but I feel like I'm drowning!"

I couldn't stay away from her any longer. The distance between us when she was so heartbroken gutted me. Closing the space in two short strides, I wrapped her in my arms and pressed my face against the top of her head.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so goddamned sorry. I wish everything could be different. I wish you weren't suffering, but please, please let me be here for you. You need someone who's looking out for you while you look out for your mom. I know you don't want that person to be me, and I know I hurt you, but please let me do this. I can't stand the thought of you dealing with all this shit on your own."

"I have Eliza-" she started to argue, but I broke in before she could finish pushing me away.

"And you'll have me too. Please, Lilly," I begged.

After a few seconds, she sniffled; the muscles in her body loosened and I knew it was time to let her go. She wouldn't allow me to hold her any longer. Dropping my arms, I moved to my truck and grabbed my bag from the back seat.