A Broken Soul(69)

But he wasn't there. And the house wasn't filled with family because they wanted to come for a visit. They were there to help us grieve and say goodbye to the best man I'd ever known.

I wasn't ready.

I didn't want to say goodbye yet. I didn't want to believe he was really gone, that he slipped away in his sleep peacefully. I wanted to climb the stairs and lock myself in my old bedroom so I could curl up on the bed and cry until there weren't any tears left.

But I couldn't do that. My mother needed me to be the strong one. She'd lost the love of her life, and although she was putting on a brave face, I could see just how much she was hurting. It shone in her eyes like a spotlight. If she crumbled, I needed to be there to pick her back up and hold her together. So I couldn't breakdown. Not yet.

I'd called Eliza on my way to Jackson Hole the night before. She was on her way from Denver and I was thankful for that, even though I'd told her it wasn't necessary. She was pregnant and her husband was in the middle of an undefeated season. She had responsibilities and a life of her own that she needed to handle there, but she refused to hear it. She'd booked a flight and was already on her way from the airport. I couldn't wait to see her, despite the circumstances. She was just the person I needed with me during this time. While I was holding my mother up, Eliza would be at my side, doing the same for me, and even though it made me feel like a burden, I really needed that right now.

"How are you doing, dear?"

I looked from the window, where I'd been standing for the past half hour, looking out at the snow-covered mountains on the horizon. Offering up a small smile that didn't quite reach my eyes, I gave Aunt Jenny the standard response I'd been giving for the past four hours.

"I'm okay. Sad, but okay."

A total lie, but they didn't really need to hear the truth, did they? Everyone was already sad enough.

"Your father was a wonderful man. He will be missed," she whispered as her eyes grew misty, oblivious to the fact I was barely holding myself together. Her intentions were good, it just wasn't the right time for me.

"He was," I somehow managed past the lump in my throat. "Thank you." Blessedly, my cell phone began ringing in my back pocket at that second, and I used the distraction to end the conversation with my well-meaning aunt. "Excuse me," I started. "I should take this. It's probably Eliza."

I quickly worked my way through the formal living room at the back of the house to the quiet family room at the front before pulling my phone from my pocket. At the sight of Quinn's name on the screen, my heart did something I hadn't even thought possible and cracked even more. It was like there was no limit to the amount of suffering one's heart could take.



       
         
       
        

I sent the call to voicemail just like I had all the others I'd been getting since early this morning. Only this time, once it stopped ringing, I went into my contacts and blocked his number. I'd made a huge mistake last night, calling him. Apparently grief made me do stupid things, because when I got the call from my mother, he'd been the first person I thought of, the first person I called, the first person I wanted with me as my world came to a screeching, crashing halt.

But he didn't answer.

We'd been over for a month, and in that time the only conversations we'd had were about Sophia's dance classes. I'd told him I loved him and he had walked out on me, ending everything in the blink of an eye. Why I thought he could possibly be my rock during the hard times was a mystery. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. Quinn made it clear he wanted me out of his life, so I was out.

Sitting on the squashy, overstuffed sectional that took up most of the space in the cozy family room, I lay my head back and curled my legs underneath me, letting the heat from the fire in the fireplace try and penetrate the chill I'd been feeling since I got the phone call the night before.

I tuned out the sounds and voices coming from the back of the house and let my mind wander as I closed my eyes. I just needed a little space for a bit, then I'd go back in to Mom and make sure she was okay.

At some point I must have dozed off, because the sound of the doorbell ringing jolted me awake. I blinked the sleep from my eyes just as the person on the other side of the door began to knock softly. "I got it," I called out, not wanting my mother to have to bother with any more neighbors dropping off casserole dishes.

Placing my hand on the doorknob, I twisted and pulled it opened, prepared to give the well-wisher a smile and move them on, but when my eyes lifted and connected with those familiar sea-green eyes everything in me froze.