He didn't talk to me about Addison. He kept us a secret from everyone he knew. He still wore his wedding ring. And any time I asked what was weighing on his mind, he'd divert, either with conversation or sex. He was a master at changing the subject.
But I loved what we had so much I couldn't bring myself to push him. Hell, if I were being honest with myself, it wasn't what he had that I loved. It was just him. I was falling. Steadily and surely. More and more every single day.
I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever laughed so hard or so much than when I was with him. He showed concern for my wellbeing, always asking about my father when he knew I went to see him. He made the pain in my heart easier to deal with. We spent every available minute together, and when our schedules didn't sync up, we talked and texted all the time. But he refused to put a label on what we were.
I told myself I was okay with that when really, I'd begun to worry. Even though I was falling in love with Quinn - and his actions showed me daily that he could possibly be feeling the same way - I couldn't ignore the nagging sense that something unpleasant was just around the corner.
But instead of heeding the warning in my head, I chose to ignore it and move forward. I'd never felt for someone like I felt for Quinn, and the thought of giving that up ate away at me. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, even though I knew, with each passing day, the pain of potentially losing him would be that much worse.
He was worth it to me. He was worth the pain. Problem was, I couldn't be sure I was worth it to him.
"What are you thinking so hard about?" he asked, and the sudden sound of his voice caused me to jump and spin around, nearly dropping the dish I'd been holding.
It had been a week since our dinner at The Moose, and I was back at his house, having had a homemade dinner of macaroni and hotdogs with him and Sophia. He'd gone to get her ready for bed and I'd started on the dishes. Once again, I hadn't heard him enter the kitchen, and when my gaze finally landed on him, he was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his powerful chest, that sexy smirk on his face.
I was beginning to hate that smirk. Not because it wasn't gorgeous. It so was. But because it still didn't reach his eyes. And every time his lips curled up, I wanted to do everything in my power to give him reason to smile with his beautiful green eyes as well.
"I didn't hear you."
Quinn pushed off the door and made his way to me, taking the soap covered plate from my hand. "I got that when you nearly jumped out of your skin, Lil." He chuckled, as he placed the dish back into the sink. Once he finished with that, his arms banded around my waist, holding me firmly against him. "What's got you so preoccupied you couldn't hear a garbage truck if it drove through the room?"
I twisted my lips and gave him a glare. "I wasn't that preoccupied."
"Baby, I said your name like, five times."
I started at his declaration even as my skin tingled as his calling me baby. "Okay. So maybe I was that preoccupied."
His arms gave me a squeeze and I lifted my hands and placed them on his chest. He didn't seem to mind I was getting his sweater wet. "So tell me what's on your mind."
I couldn't. I couldn't tell him that I was worried he was still keeping me at such a distance. He'd feel pressured, cornered into either giving me more or cutting and running, and I knew exactly which of those he'd pick if it came down to that. Maybe it made me a coward, but I just couldn't lose him … not yet. Hopefully not at all.
So, instead, I brought up another topic I'd been hesitant to bring up, but less so than the state of our relationship. It was the lesser of two evils.
"I was just wondering … " I trailed off and lowered my eyes to where my hands rested on his chest. I played with the cotton there as I forced the words out. "We haven't talked about it, and it's only two days away, but … I was wondering if you and Sophia would like to come to my parents' house for Thanksgiving?"
The shutters slammed down over his face. His entire body froze, freezing mine right along with it. Oh God, I shouldn't have asked. I really, really shouldn't have asked.
"I can't."
My heart sank, but I did my best to mask that by smiling, wide and fake. "Oh … yeah! Totally. I mean, I get it," I began to ramble, pushing back and putting pressure on his arms around me. He didn't let go. "It's last minute and you're probably going to be with your folks, and we're still, like. New. Whatever. It's whatever. Just forget I even asked. I shouldn't have asked."