"Lilly-"
But I wasn't even close to finished. It was like the dam had broken, and I couldn't hold it back any longer. I was now ranting, and even though I was pretty sure I wasn't making any sense, I couldn't stop. "I'm just so damn tired of not having someone to talk to, you know? I thought I could talk to you, but every time I think I'm getting close, you push me away again. I just … " My voice dropped to a whisper as the fight began to drain out of me. "I'm so tired of feeling alone."
I dropped my head, unable to meet his eyes as I fought back the tears. I wished he would just leave. No matter how much I was drawn to him, no matter the connection I thought I felt between us, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I just needed space.
But apparently he wasn't having that. With his thumb, he put pressure under my chin and forced my face up. "I'm sorry," he whispered reverently. "I'm sorry." I could hear the sincerity laced around those two words. My breath stalled when his eyes traveled down to my lips and the green grew dark.
I licked my lips as my body started to shake, responding to that one simple look. "Q-Quinn … " I stuttered as I moved back. "What are you-?"
He cut me off with a curt, "What I've been dying to do for way too fucking long." Then, before I could pull in a full breath, his mouth was on mine in a fierce, hungry kiss that made every bone in my body go weak on impact.
My lips parted on a startled gasp and he took that as an opportunity to dive in. His tongue wrapped around mine as his hands grabbed hold of my hips and molded my body to his. I was so consumed by him, his smell, his taste, the way he touched me, that I hadn't even noticed we were moving until the backs of my knees hit the couch and I was going down.
Quinn was like a man possessed, touching wherever he could, and I couldn't get enough. My brain was on sensory overload, unable to process anything other than his hands on my body or his lips against mine. My legs spread, almost of their own accord, cradling his narrow hips between them as I tangled my fingers into that mass of sandy blond hair, pulling him impossibly closer. I could feel his hard length through the denim of his jeans, and when he rolled his hips, hitting that sensitive spot that ached for him, I had to tear my mouth away on a wanton moan.
One hand skated up my side, over the material of my thin sweater until he cupped one heavy breast in his large hand, causing a whole new flood of arousal to rush through me.
"God damn," he groaned, trailing his teeth along the cord in my neck. "You feel even better than I imagined."
Hearing his gruff, lust-filled voice helped to clear some of the fog from my brain. Untangling my hands from his hair, I set them on his shoulders and gave a soft push. "Wait, wait, wait. Quinn, wait."
This time his groan was pained as he dropped his forehead to my shoulder and hissed, "Fuck."
"What..." My body shook with want as he remained on top of me, but what I was thinking had to be said. "What are we doing?"
There were several tense seconds of silence. Only our labored breathing filled my living room before he finally sighed heavily against my neck. I could have sworn I heard regret in his tone as he whispered, "I don't know."
My heart sank just a bit, even though my body protested against stopping what we'd just started. My feelings for Quinn had been growing out of control the past few weeks, and to have him kiss me like he did, have him touch me like he couldn't keep his hands off me, it had given a glimmer of hope that the words he'd just spoken extinguished.
I opened my mouth, to say what, I didn't know, but before I could form any words, his head lifted and those green eyes, so full of lust, landed on me. "But whatever it is, I'm tired of fighting it. So fucking tired, Lilly. I don't want to think." He punctuated the sentence with another sinful roll of his hips that stole a whimper from deep in my throat. "I don't want to stop. I've been out of my mind, wanting you. Staying away is too hard. I can't do it anymore."
I knew I should have said more, should have forced him out of my apartment for my own peace of mind. I knew I was just asking for my heart to be broken. But rational thinking had flown out the window. I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me, maybe more because all I wanted to do was hold him close while he used every opportunity to push me away.
The smart thing to do would have been to tell him to leave, close the door in his face, and spare myself the pain that was inevitable. But damn it, I just couldn't bring myself to do the smart thing. Ever since I found out my father was dying I'd felt more alone than ever. The only times in the past month the loneliness had been bearable was when I was with Quinn. I wanted to feel more of that. And for that reason, instead of kicking him out, I found myself whispering, "Take me to bed."