"You know what? There's really no reason for you to go all out on dinner every night. Why don't I handle it for a change while you go take a nap?" She gave me a look that spoke volumes about her faith in me when it came to cooking, so I amended by saying, "I'll order a pizza. You and I can eat that, and I'll make Dad a sandwich. I can't possibly screw up a sandwich, right?"
Her smile was one of relief as she gave my hand a gentle pat. "Okay, sweetheart. You do that. I'm just going to rest in the living room for a bit. Your father's sleeping in the bedroom and I don't want to disturb him."
Mom went to lay down while I prepared a grilled cheese sandwich and some tomato soup for Dad and put in a call for a mushroom and pepperoni pizza.
The ache in my heart only grew worse when I pushed the bedroom door open and saw my father, so small and frail, lying asleep in the bed. He'd always been such a force of nature when I was growing up. I even remembered back when I thought my father was invincible. He was a strong, proud man. Seeing how cancer was slowly ravaging his body was tearing me apart.
"I smell tomato soup and grilled cheese," he spoke, pulling me from my dreary thoughts. I smiled as he cracked his eyes open. "I knew it. That smell could only mean one thing - Lilly's on dinner duty."
"Ha ha," I deadpanned, as I made my way into the room and set the tray down over his lap. "Very funny, Daddy. Not everyone can have Mom's skills in the kitchen." I helped him prop up on a few pillows and took a seat next to him.
"That's okay, Lilly Flower. You make up for it with the way you dance. Always felt like I was watching magic every time I saw you."
"Stop it, or you're going to make me cry," I teased, even though I felt dangerously close to bursting into tears.
Dad might have looked worse than he had the week before, but I could still see the love and humor in his eyes. He slowly lifted the spoon to his mouth and sipped the soup. "So, I take it your mom's finally resting?"
I could hear his concern for her in his voice. "She is," I sighed. "Dad, when things get like this, you need to call me so I can help. Mom doesn't need to exhaust herself and you don't need to worry when I'm just a phone call away."
"Lilly Flower, that's just what parents do. You'll understand one day. No matter what's happening, it's our job to take care of our children. We didn't want you to get upset."
I sniffed, trying my hardest to fight back the wave of emotion. "Daddy, you have to let me help." I took his hand in mine, noticing how frail it was. The man I once thought could save me from every bad thing that existed was slowly withering away before my very eyes. "I need you to let me help," I managed past the lump in my throat.
"Oh, baby girl." He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him for a tight hug. It was then that I lost my fight and let the tears fall silently. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for all of this."
"It's not your fault," I whispered. "None of this is. It just … " I hiccupped through another wave of tears. "It sucks. I hate this."
"I know, honey." We were both silent for several minutes, just holding each other as sorrow filled the room. "Hey," Dad finally spoke up. "Remember that winter the blizzard came through and dumped so much snow the whole town shut down for a week?"
"Yeah."
"Everyone was stuck in their houses. You were going stir-crazy, driving your mom up the wall."
I giggled at the memory. "I remember. You finally had enough of listening to us argue, so you came up with the brilliant idea to take me sledding."
"Only we didn't have sleds."
At that, I let out a full belly laugh. "Yep. So, in your infinite wisdom, you decided I was small enough to use the massive silver serving platter that Grandma Rose had passed down to Mom on your wedding day. Remember her reaction when she found out what I'd been sliding down the hill on? I don't think I've ever seen her turn so red in my life."
Dad chuckled, his chest vibrating against my ear. "Hey, how was I supposed to know it was a family heirloom?"
We both burst into laughter. Silence filled the room once the humor had petered out. "Lilly Flower, look at me."
I tipped my head up and looked into my father's loving eyes.
"Those are the memories I want you to hold onto when I'm gone. I know this will be hard, baby girl. I know it's going to hurt. But we've managed to make a lifetime of memories just like that one. Remember those times when it starts to get hard. Can you do that for me?"