"I am living," I ground out, my jaw ticking with the effort to not lose my cool.
"There's this lovely new Sunday School teacher at the church. Why don't you just-"
"Jesus Christ, Mom!" I shouted, running my hands through my hair in frustration. "Stop! Just stop. I'm not dating some Sunday School teacher."
"Well what about the-"
"Enough!" Her mouth snapped closed at the same time her eyes began to shine with pain, making me feel like a complete asshole. I hated fighting with my mom, but I couldn't handle another conversation like this. Turning on my booted heels, I started for the back door.
"Where are you going?" she called out after me. "I thought you were staying for dinner."
"Lost my appetite," I grunted, shoving the screen door open. "Tell Dad I'll see him later. Good night." I slammed the door shut on the sound of her protest, letting my feet carry me back to my truck. Once inside, I dropped my forehead against the steering wheel and worked to control my breathing. I felt like shit for how I acted. I hated that whenever the conversation involved Addy, even indirectly, I instantly closed off to anyone and everyone. But I couldn't help it. Addy was still there every time I closed my eyes.
It wasn't just the death of my wife that kept me from moving on, it was the weight of the guilt I carried with me every fucking day. If I hadn't taken my eyes off the road, if I hadn't gotten distracted, she'd still be here. Living with the knowledge that my wife was gone because of me was something I struggled with every single goddamned day. No woman deserved to tie herself to a man with that kind of baggage. Why couldn't my mother see that?
A large part of me died in that car with Addison that night, and there was no fixing that. I was too broken to be any good to another woman, and the sooner my family came to grips with that, the better off everyone would be.
Because this was as happy as I was ever going to get. It was all I deserved.
HALFWAY HOME, MY stomach protested the decision not to eat dinner with my folks. I decided my best bet was to stop off at Sinful Sweets and order something for carryout. I wasn't the best company, and subjecting the other diners in the café to my foul mood wouldn't have been fair.
I'd just put my order in and was waiting at the counter when I heard someone calling my name.
"Quinn?"
Looking over my shoulder, I found Lilly standing there with a carryout bag of her own. Damn, she looked good. She always looked good, that was part of the reason I'd stayed away from her for so long. There was an undeniable attraction there that shouldn't have been. Even wearing shapeless sweats that left everything to the imagination, her hair thrown up in a messy bun, and her face clean of makeup, she was beautiful enough to have most of the men in the restaurant doing a double take. I wasn't immune to her appeal, even if I wanted to be.
"Hey."
She cocked her head to the side and frowned. "You okay?"
I let out a tired sigh and scrubbed a hand over my face. "Yeah. I'm just … it's been a rough night."
She glanced down at her watch then back to me, her light brown eyes dancing with a mixture of confusion and humor. "It's eight-fifteen."
I shrugged. "Rough evening then."
She took a step closer, placing a tiny hand on my arm. I tried to ignore the way her touch ignited sparks of electricity beneath my skin, but damn, it was hard. "You want to talk about it? I've been told I kick ass at listening. Watch." She shut her mouth and maintained eye contact for several seconds, her brow furrowing in what looked like intense concentration. "See? Hardcore listener right here." She pointed at herself, and there was no holding back the grin that tugged at my lips. The woman was a nut. It was surprisingly refreshing.
"I appreciate the offer, but-"
Before I could refuse, the waitress came back and dropped my bag on the counter. "Here you go, Quinn."
"Thanks." I pulled my wallet out and tossed some bills on the counter, then picked up my bag and turned to face Lilly, geared up to turn her offer down as politely as possible.
"Look," she started, "It would appear that both of us are eating alone tonight." She lifted her bag as proof and continued. "Might as well keep each other company. I just hit up Mabel's and stocked up on wine. And I won't push you to talk about your rough evening if you don't want, I promise. There's no reason for either of us to go home alone tonight, right?" As soon as the words passed her lips, her eyes went big. "That came out wrong! What I meant was we can just … hang out. Not, like, sexual." She whispered sexual as her eyes frantically darted around to make sure no one heard. "I wasn't propositioning you, I swear. I mean, not that you aren't good looking. Because you are! Oh my God, please say something to shut me up, already!"