Before grabbing the gift I checked my phone one last time before powering it down for the day, as I had every year before. A single text from Jayden awaited me.
Jayden Desmond: Thinking of you and that sweet little niece of mine today. Call if you need me. Love you!
Jayden's constant love and support was seriously a blessing in my life. This day was the hardest day I had every year. No matter how much I knew I wanted to be alone, knowing I had him there made my nerves settle. Choking back tears I shut off my phone, before making my way to the back of my locked file cabinet. Taking out the little box that held Ray Ray I kept the lid closed and pulled him into my arms. A heavy sigh exhaled from my chest.
Would this day ever get any easier?
Each year I tried to bring something special but there was nothing more special to my Allie than this. It wasn't just giving her Ray Ray, I would finally be able to tell my little girl that I wasn't afraid of the memories anymore. There would never be anything more meaningful I could give Allie than that.
Driving to the cemetery I left the radio off, as I tried to focus on nothing other than my promise to make Allie's day wonderful. It was never easy but every other day of the year I was devastated about losing her. This one had to be different.
I knew exactly which part of the cemetery to go to and how far up the hill she was. I had purposely chosen a resting site underneath a tree. This way she would always be able to look up through the branches while the shade keep her cool. With the box clutched against my heart I walked with shaky knees to see my little angel. The wind whipped through my hair covering my face, sending a chill down my spine. A single gust seemed to wrap around my body, pulling me with all it's might toward Allie's grave. My legs responded to the pull but suddenly stopped.
Crouched down over Allie's tombstone, tears streaking down his face, was Stefan. Never had I seen him here before and I never expected to either. He must have sensed eyes on him all of a sudden as he turned my way and swiftly got to his feet.
"Stefan? What are you doing here?"
He shrugged his shoulders, wiping a sleeve under his misty eyes. "Came to say happy birthday to my daughter." My heart clenched, and the tears I had been determined to hold back were beginning to well up behind my eyes.
"What made you come right now? I mean, is this the first time you've ever been here?"
He shook his head and crouched back down, placing a hand on the gravestone. "I've been here many times before, I usually come the day after her birthday."
It was wrong to question him further, we were both here to grieve. I needed to simply accept that. But there were so many more things I wanted to ask.
"Why the day after?"
Without looking at me, he responded. "Because, when I come here to see her I am an absolute wreck. And I've always worried about running into you."
His eyes shifted toward me to gauge my reaction. "Why?" A stinging sensation ran through my lungs as I inhaled the instant wave of dejection at his words.
"When I told you I had spent every day missing and thinking about you-it was true. There were many times I just prayed I'd run into you. Then I would know it was fate's sign that I needed to take back all that I'd lost. It took me a long time to work up the courage to come back here. Two years after we buried her was the first time. I ended up coming on her birthday, but stopped in the parking lot. If I would have walked up that hill and seen you, I don't know what would have happened. I needed to come when I could just be alone." He ran his fingers through the luscious grass, almost as if he were smoothing down her hair. "There were so many things I had to say to her."
Hastily wiping away the fallen tears, I stepped closer to him. "Do you come every year?"
He nodded again. Keeping his eyes locked firmly on the ground in front of him.
"I do, sometimes more than once. I had planned on coming tomorrow but I was in my car driving to clear my head, and somehow ended up here. It was almost like I let go of the wheel and this was where she brought me. I thought about turning away, but I couldn't just leave."
I placed the box from my hands to grass growing in front of the gravestone. Carefully I pressed a hand into Stefan's shoulder. For years I wondered if he thought about her, and now I had my answer. As much as it hurt to see the way Stefan was breaking, I wished I had seen it sooner. When we first said our goodbye to her, I had been desperate for this Stefan. I needed to see him, which was the only hope we had of healing-if we did it together. Even now I felt in my core, we were holding onto all the same heartache and guilt.