I gulped back the knot in my throat.
"But, Cara said something to me that I had never once considered. As your brother I want nothing but happiness for you, and I want to protect you from everything. Even if that means protecting you from your own heart. I saw the way he broke you and left you when you needed him the most. In my mind, he is complete trash and I have always believed that you should think so too. At least, before Cara talked some sense into me."
"What do you mean?"
"Cara said that I need to back off and at first it made me even more infuriated. But, she saw the way you two were before the accident. I mean, Christmas Eve she was at that party. I still remember after you all left and before we got that horrible call; she had said that one day she hoped we would have a love like yours. Looking at you, she said she could just feel the strength and truth of your passion for one another. When I was fighting with her about how you needed to move on, she reminded me of something. I remember how he hurt you, how he left you and how broken you were over him. But you are filled with the good and the bad memories. No doubt, you haven't forgotten the pain, but you also remember the way you loved him."
My eyes squeezed shut, a single tear slid out.
"When she told me that I slowly started to recall how you were. Grey, I wanted you two to last. Until that accident, he was the only man in this world I could see loving and cherishing you the way you deserved. You've been through something that no other person would understand. You're not the first person to lose a child, but that was your baby girl. Stefan can give you the comfort that no one else could. And while I want you to protect your heart, I now think it was unrealistic of me to expect you to never allow him into your world."
Jayden's hands cupped my face, wiped away the tear and turned me to face him. "You're getting married to Richard, but that doesn't mean you can't be scared. You and Stefan got a divorce, but if what happened wouldn't have … I have no doubt you'd still be together. No matter how much you love Richard, it has to be difficult to plan this wedding with a constant cheery disposition. I just want you to know that it is okay to hurt, but don't let the past haunt you. You're too good of a person to have a tortured soul all the days of your life."
A wave of tears rushed out, but thankfully Jayden pulled me into a hug before I crumbled to the ground. The sleeve of his shirt muffled my sobs as my heart cried out. It had been something I never wanted to really think about, but Jayden was absolutely right. If that accident hadn't happened Allie, Stefan, and I would be the family we were meant to be.
Marriage is meant to symbolize the beginning of a new life. This wedding however, would symbolize the end of a life I wished I had never lost.
Time passed.
Wedding plans were in full bloom but slowly my heart bowed out. Richard and I continued to mark down things on our calendar, but the time we spent together wasn't as special as the weeks prior. The two of us would go with my mother to cake tastings, meet with the caterer and tried finding a wedding band. Richard and Leeann were incredibly involved, opinionated and most importantly, they were excited. I had tried acting as enthusiastic as they were about everything, but progressively I became more of a silent participant. Tasting the cake, listening to the music, and nodding when necessary. It was impossible to deny that something was off.
Even my presence at the salon was different. Every single day I was supposed to be there, I was. Yet, it was without the enjoyment of before. Soon people soon treating me as if I were some delicate glass that would shatter at any moment. Truthfully, I even believed that I was hanging onto my control by a single thread. Desperately, I wanted to get over the current funk holding me hostage, but as the month of June was coming to a close, I knew it wouldn't get better.
The morning of June 28th I sent a text to Kacie; reminding her I would be unreachable the rest of the day. Richard was off to another 30-hour shift, and I made sure he knew I would have meetings all day and would call when I could.
Thick gray clouds hung in the sky, wind whistled through the trees, and any minute it looked like it would downpour. Getting ready to leave the house I put in just a little extra effort to look nice. Black pants, white fitted tank top that I clipped a pink rose to, and a jacket to prepare for the rain. It was a routine I had every year on this day, nice clothes, pink rose and some sort of gift. This year there was nothing store bought I wanted to take with. This time I had something far more special.