A Broken Forever(73)

I felt my world slipping away. Everything he said hit home for me too. I've always been secretly waiting for him to one day return. My life had been calculated with the subconscious hope that Stefan would find me. I never became seriously involved with my heart in a relationship. I never moved far from where I knew he was, and I have done nothing but search for reasons to not plan my wedding.

My heart never said goodbye to Stefan, and even now I knew it didn't want to. Knees shaking, erratic breathing and an endless stream of tears pouring down my face. Since finding Stefan again, this was the way my body had been, and that was just the outside. I have never been more torn between wanting something and needing even more to stay away. It was absolutely killing me, and from everything I saw of Stefan-it was breaking him.

Our hearts belonged to one another, that much was undeniable. But it was time I took mine back, and gave him his. There was no other choice-we needed to move on-down separate paths.

Carefully, I brought my fingers to his face and faintly traced over his temples, down his cheek bones until I reached his chin. Stefan's breathing slowed and his eyes slid shut, pressing against my touch. My fingers trailed down his neck, wrapping around the base. As the movement stopped, Stefan's eyes opened, a single tear fell down his cheek but he didn't break our gaze.

"You're letting me go, aren't you?" I didn't know how I managed, but I bobbed my head in a single nod.

Another tear came from his eye as he looked to the ground. "Why, Grey?"

"Because I have to." There was more I could say to go into the depths of my reasoning, but I held it back. At this point I could feel him accepting my answer, and piling more on top of this moment would do nothing to heal the wounds within.

"I want things to be different, Grey." I nodded, but didn't respond, knowing just how badly I wished they were too.

Wishing, hoping, dreaming, they were a fool's paradise and if I didn't stop focusing on them, I would never move past this.

"I need to go, Stefan."

He looked up, and swallowed back the same lump of tears that had taken up a permanent residence in my throat.

"Can you just give me one more goodbye before we part our ways?" 

I was shaking my head, but my eyes flickered from his gaze to those sad, tearstained lips. "I can't … "

"Then tell me to stop if you don't want me to."

As his arms gradually lowered him closer, I found it nearly unimaginable to speak up. All I had to do was say stop, and I had no doubt that Stefan would honor my wishes. But the closer his body came and the way the heat of his breath caressed my skin-I knew I needed this. Maybe just this one kiss would end our hold on the other, and we could move forward freely in our lives.

My chance to back out was gone, as his lips met mine in a feather-light touch. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting myself get lost in the feeling. That one soft peck deepened, until our lips were pressed together in a slow, unforgettable dance. His hands left the wall, wrapping around my back, pulling my body into his. The gentle touch of my fingers against his neck became desperate as my hands moved into the back of his freshly cut hair.

We held each other so tightly that not even a whisper of wind could slide through. Our lips moved together, our tongues caressed the other, and our hands held onto this moment with all our might. We both knew once the kiss was over, that was it, and now neither of us wanted it to end.

Since the first time our lips touched I had hardly believed that this amazing man could be mine to kiss. Our first kiss made me certain there was no one else I would want in my life, for all the rest of my days. Now here we were-our last kiss-and the only thing that had changed was that this was the one man I couldn't have.

Our time had been a beautiful, passionate, and unexpected blessing. There was fire and lust, desire and so much unequivocal love. Never in this world had there been anything like it but as all good things came to an end-so must this.

So must us.

Our lips broke apart and with a long final stare into each other's eyes, we let it go. All that was and all that would never be meant to be.

"Goodbye, Greyson Rose. I will always love you."

As I stood there speechless, I watched Stefan walk away from me once again. Except this time I didn't scream his name to come back to me. With his hands in his pockets, and his head hanging down, this moment could be Allie's funeral all over again. Once more I was watching my future walk away, only this time I had to believe I didn't just make the biggest mistake of my life.





Days passed.

Every morning I opened my eyes, and every day I took that as a miracle in itself. Stefan had been right, my heart had hurt for him in the past, but I had avoided it at all costs. It was because I never truly said goodbye to him and to our life together. I had always believed I was no longer holding on, but the morning after our goodbye kiss, I felt it. Every single breath I inhaled, my lungs felt as if they were caving in. The first two days I avoided everyone and everything.