I turned to Kari, "I'm running to the restroom quick, if my client shows up can you please let them know I'll be just a minute?"
The tightening within my throat was impossible to ignore and if I didn't get away from my station immediately, everyone was going to see the weight the secret was forcing on me.
"For sure."
Half a heartbeat later I was zooming toward our ladies room at the back of the salon. Not only was this luckily a one person bathroom, but as the light automatically turned on, so did the fan that had a way of drowning out everything. A strangled sob slipped from me as I tried to regain my composure. At least I was able to let it out without the fear of my very protective friends overhearing.
Knowing I could only stay in here for a minute or two without raising red flags, I wasted no time flipping open the cards.
GR, I know the lack of response should be hint enough that you meant what you said. But I'm not letting go.
Xox
My hand flew to my mouth, silencing the cry that had been trying to escape all along. I wanted time to process every word and let them sink in before looking at the next, but I couldn't. My time in here was limited and I needed to feel all the hurt in one single breath. Clutching the first to my heart I opened the second I braced myself for whatever was next.
There isn't a single moment of my day that isn't filled with thoughts of you. Don't do this, GR.
Xox
Guilt, sorrow, remorse-my pain was covered through all spectrums and I hated the way things were. Not only did this space hurt me, but I could no longer play dumb and pretend as if Stefan was doing well. We both hurt immensely, but what made this worse was the simple fact that this was the way it had to be. I just wish that made me feel better.
Friday Morning
Even though every single Friday I had a day off, I couldn't resist calling the salon the second my eyes flew open. Eloise told me no flowers had been delivered that morning. I teetered between feeling relief that no one could get their hands on the very personal cards, and the disappointment that everything had stopped. It would undoubtedly be for the best. He wouldn't be hurting because of me and I could move forward-officially.
Richard was scanning over the business section of the morning paper, sipping on a cup of coffee when I entered the kitchen. He looked away from the paper and offered me a morning smile.
"Good morning, darling. Sleep well?"
I nodded, pulling open the fridge, aimlessly searching for something to eat. "I did, how about you?"
"Oh just fine." He folded up the paper and placed it on the counter. My head was still buried in the fridge when I felt his arms wrap around my waist. "I need to get to work, I have a 30-hour shift today so I won't be home until tomorrow afternoon."
Turning in his arms I smoothed my hands along the front of his ironed blue dress shirt. "Okay, well call me when you can."
That beautiful, teeth revealing smile warmed my aching heart. "Of course I will, love." His lips tenderly graced across mine in a soft, swift kiss. "And I think Saturday evening when you get home from work we should go out and have a date night."
"Yeah?" I asked, feeling my spirits instantly perk up. It had been so long since Richard had asked to actually do something together. Maybe a night out was just what we needed to get us back on track.
"Of course, I think it's long overdue, don't you?"
"Absolutely," my arms locked around his neck as I pressed a much more heated kiss against his mouth. "I should be home by nine at the latest."
"Perfect, we'll do a late dinner and then maybe catch a movie or something?"
"That sounds wonderful!"
Richard released me with a peck on my cheek. "Perfect, well I'll see you then my beautiful fiancée."
"I'm looking forward to it."
Just like that my sickeningly guilty demeanor lightened and I was looking forward to what the next day had in store and not because of Stefan. The remainder of the morning I browsed the entertainment section for movie times, dinner ideas, and anything else that may be fun on a Saturday night. I finished getting ready to meet Amy for our weekly appointment. I felt myself standing taller, feeling more confident, and that was a rarity when I met with her.
Climbing into my yellow Bug I rolled down the windows, and turned up the radio. A smile lay naturally across my lips the entire drive and the closer I got, the more excited I was to see Amy. Every meeting was either sad, uncomfortable, or just plain awkward. Our overly platonic conversations were doing nothing to work through my pain, but that was all I had been able to do. This time I would be able to speak about my life without fear that a single word would create a meltdown.