"What's going on?" I asked, not knowing any other way to word my confusion.
He looked over his shoulder at me and shrugged his shoulders. "What do you mean, honey?"
"You're washing dishes." He chuckled at my obvious statement.
"Yes, I am, I do it a lot. I made some dinner, got hungry so I ate, but I put a plate for you in the microwave."
I threw my hand out to pause the conversation. "Wait, so we're not eating dinner together?"
"We will both be here together but after I made dinner I was just too hungry to wait. I made you some too of course, darling." I watched as he shut off the water, dried his hands, and grabbed the rag to clean the counter. It was almost surreal, as if nothing this morning happened. There was even a minute where I sifted through my memories of the day to make sure I really hadn't pulled the fight out of thin air. But there it was, clear as day, and I was left only more confused than before.
"We should talk about our fight this morning." The words blurted past my lips. Richard looked just as shocked as I felt when the words sunk in.
"Our fight?"
Despite the shock of my bold attitude, I knew I was tired of hiding behind everything. I wanted answers. "Yes, our fight, don't you remember?"
"Oh honey, that wasn't a fight. Don't worry, Grey, everything is just fine."
That was it? My mind had been racing about this all day and he hadn't given it a second thought.
"But you just left when I made us breakfast, and you didn't tell me you had any plans."
Richard smiled and shook his head as if I told a silly joke. "Grey, we don't eat together quite often. There have been times I've made us a meal and you had other things going on and I ate alone. It isn't the end of the world, just the way things are." I stood motionless as he approached me, placed a kiss to my cheek, and made his way into the living room.
"Heat up your plate and come join me to watch the news!"
I stared at the counter where Richard was only seconds before. This felt wrong-Stefan was the one sending me apologies while my rock was beginning to crumble. I had to be dreaming.
"I'm going to eat here at the counter." I called out.
"Alright, darling." Was all Richard replied.
After heating up the grilled chicken I cleaned my dishes then excused myself to my room. Richard seemed obnoxiously oblivious to the tension and it was enough to make me sick. Even now with my newfound courage to stand up for myself I found it to be pointless here. What was the good of speaking my mind if the other person didn't see any problems?
As I curled into my bed, mindlessly flipping through a bridal catalog, I couldn't help but feel guilty. How oblivious to our lives had I been? Was I really making a much bigger deal of this than it should be? Honestly, I could see the point that just because I finally put in that extra effort, everything shouldn't just go my way. It was wrong to assume Richard's life depended on mine but it hurt nonetheless. I wanted to make this conscious effort to correct our lives together and I wanted Richard to commit as well. Did I have a right though?
Our lives were set; we both worked long hours and at times, very different shifts. We made time for each other, as time allowed, but neither of us before had truly gone out of our way to cancel our day plans to be together. That was part of what drew us to each other-we could work without feeling guilty of leaving the other out. Now I felt I was changing what I wanted and I didn't know if it was okay for me to be upset by a normal habit we had, no longer filling my heart as it once did.
When Richard joined hours later to go to sleep, I pretended I was already in dreamland. And when he crawled into bed, I felt myself slowly move away from him. Most nights we would coordinate our bodies so we were always lying together. Tonight, with me turned one way and him another, I found myself wondering if this was what I wanted for my life.
Tuesday Morning
I opened my eyes as Richard finished getting ready for work. He gave me a swift kiss, I wished him a good day, and he was out the door. Things felt off between us but now that my eyes were finally opened to it, I honestly didn't know what was different. Were our interactions holding tension in us? Or was it possible the habits we had no longer worked for me?
The second day in a row, sitting on top of the reception desk was another magnificent bouquet. This morning there were at least two dozen soft baby pink roses mixed in with two dozen more stunning white lilies. If I thought the beautiful display from yesterday took my breath away, I was damn near hyperventilating just staring at these.