The buzz of my phone alerted me of a new text and I had to see what it said.
Stefan Harrison: I love you, baby. Come home to me soon, Greyson Rose. I need you.
I clutched the phone to my heart as I tried to hold onto those words. I so desperately wished I could respond back but that twenty minute visit from Leeann Desmond had changed everything. So instead of writing back I went into my texts and deleted the message. Now I just had to find a way to delete him from my heart.
I didn't leave my house to run to Jayden's. I picked up my bag and put it back into my room and crawled into bed. I was tired of crying and tired of breaking, especially when it felt like none of it was ever going to end. Richard sent me a message and said he was going to spend the night at a hotel. He would return by noon the next day and if I was still home, we would find a way to work through this. If I was gone, he would know his answer. The one condition he had was if we decide to work it out, I would never be allowed to talk to Stefan again.
Every time I thought about walking away my mother's words swarmed my strength. Making me remember why I didn't walk out in the first place. Late that evening when I decided I needed to be here when Richard returned, I sent Stefan a text. I needed to say goodbye, but any time we were near each other it was impossible to walk away. Our love deserved more than a single message but I just couldn't conjure up the strength to give anymore of myself. This was the way it had to be.
Me: I'm sorry, Stefan. I won't be coming back anymore. I love you and I loved us but this needs to be the end. Sometimes you just need to give up the fight and now is the time for me to let go. Come October I will marry Richard, but I will always want for you to be happy. Please find someone that can give you all that I can't any longer. Please find your happiness. Love for now and always, your Greyson Rose.
I could hardly keep myself together. I hated every bit of this pain. All that got me through was the hope that someday I would be able to smile without tears always ready to fall. Not even ten minutes went by before Stefan was calling me. I immediately rejected it and squeezed my pillow tight, praying he didn't call again.
Even worse than another call was a voicemail. I wanted to delete it without listening but I just could not get myself to erase it. Whatever he had said, I had to hear it. I called my voicemail, entered my password and moments later the hysterical voice of Stefan filled my quiet bedroom.
"Whatever the fuck happened in the past few hours is complete bullshit, Grey! You can't just say goodbye! I love you so much and you love me! Don't let anyone get into your head because I know that's what happened. I'm not sure who said what but I know they made you question everything. Think about yesterday, think about all that we've had together! Not just years ago, but the last few months! We're meant to be together! I know it and I know you do too. Stop fighting it, Greyson Rose! I will never stop fighting for you! Not until you come to me and tell me face-to-face that all between us is lost. Not until that day will I let you go. Please baby, just please come back to me."
I turned off my phone and spent one more night crying over Stefan.
When Richard arrived, we talked. We didn't hug or kiss or promise each other forever but we said we would work it out. He never tried to touch me and I never made the move to do so either. When he asked the status of my situation with Stefan I told him it was taken care of. He didn't ask anymore and it seemed that was the extent of our conversations. That was all we did to work it out and I didn't know what that meant. The problem was, I didn't have it in me to fight this battle anymore. From the looks of things, neither did Richard. I began to wonder if my mother hadn't given him a speech similar to the one I received, guilting us to stay together.
As the days wore on, there was little change. I took an impromptu leave from work since there was no way I would be able to focus on anything for the time being. My brother checked in daily, but my responses became robotic and emotionless. The only change was I had gone in and blocked Stefan's number from calling or messaging me. It was quite possible that he could have used every phone number within his building, but he didn't. The only word I received from him was when an ivory envelope arrived in the mail on Friday afternoon when I was home alone. I didn't need to open it to know what it said.
It was the invitation I had left at Stefan's house. I never meant to forget it, but now I wished I wasn't given the reminder. The rest of my day Friday was spent tracing my fingers over every word on that beautiful invitation. It was wrong to want to go but I still did. Every time the little voice in my head said I needed to stay away, I heard Stefan's voice pop up. If I wanted this to truly be over, and our fight for each other to honestly fade away. I needed to say goodbye face-to-face.