A Broken Forever(105)

It had been this way since we first began dating though. So, at this point, it wasn't right for me to huff about it. 

Instead of sulking I opted to have lunch with a friend as well. If Stefan was around, he would be my buddy, if not I'd just eat alone. Either way, I would pick up enough for the both of us, and eat with him right there at his desk if he had the time. The setting would be in an excessively staffed building, in a massive office with windows all over the place. There was no better place to insure our friendship remained … friendly.

Stefan had already brought burgers the couple times we ate together, so I decided on tacos. Of course I remembered the little things I knew he once preferred-extra cheese, light on the lettuce, heavy on the hot sauce-but it was possible those preferences changed. Just to be sure I didn't leave him with nothing he would enjoy, I selected a variety of things from the menu.

The bag holding my copious amounts of chips and tacos ended up being the size of a paper grocery bag. It may have been possible that I bought just a little too much-oh well. One way or another, it would be eaten.

I parked in the front spot again, and this time wasn't shooed away by the guard. This time he waved at me and made polite conversation as I made my way inside. I filed into the elevator with a few other people, and felt my stomach swirl around as the memories from the last time I was here rushed back. It took more energy than I anticipated, but I somehow managed to push the nerves and butterflies away. After the last person stepped out I pushed the button for Stefan's floor and almost instantly felt the tracks pull the box up.

I waved at the receptionists, making sure to beam even brighter at Amanda's aggravated expression. Before I reached the handle on the office door it swung wide open. Stefan watched me with a growing smirk on his face.

"Are you bringing me groceries?"

I ignoring his teasing and walked past him through the door. "If you tease me, I won't share. Then you'll have to just sit and watch me eat tacos in front of you."

"You brought tacos??" His interest piqued. Suddenly he was at my side, grabbing the bag from my hands. Just as I had originally envisioned we set lunch up right at his desk, as if we had done it a thousand times before.

My relief that the relationship between us hadn't change because of what happened was indescribable. It scared me to imagine letting him go again, but knowing that things were okay made me feel entirely relieved.

Stefan's noisy symphony of pleased moans as he chewed his first bite, brought me from any worried thoughts.

"Did I do okay?" I asked, even though my answer was already heard-loud and clear.

Stefan nodded extravagantly. "Damn good. Where the hell did you get these?" I peeked at the take-out bag and realized there was no logo from the restaurant; and the receipt had been safely stowed away.

"I'm not telling you, because then you'd be able to get them whenever you want. This will only be as good if you are only able to eat it every now and again, if I pick it up."

Taking another monstrous bite his eyes rolled back into his head. "Fine, but if you come by I'm not approving your elevator request if you don't have one of these bad boys with you as payment."

A fit of giggles erupted from my chest, as I joined him in eating my first. We ate in near silence with only air-light topics the ones we brought up. It was clear that I wasn't the only one trying to keep things as informal between us as possible. Eventually we reached the point that even thinking of a taco made us sick. We have always had overeating tendencies where we knew we were full, but just couldn't put it down. This had to be one of the most filling instances thus far. I couldn't shake the feeling our need to eat until we burst was due to the conversation that awaited us when we were done.



       
         
       
        

We wanted to be cautious and we wanted to make it work. But neither of us knew the way to do it.

"Thank you, Grey. Those were the best tacos I've ever had. I'm happy I got to see you for a bit too." His typically attentive nature slid away, as his eyes darted from one thing to the other. Letting our eyes only linger together for a brief moment. This was what we had to have, but it just felt so wrong.

"Stef, I want things to be normal with us again. Without the … " I let the sentence trail off. Stefan nodded in his understanding, and that was all I needed. "I will be devastated if we become forced, or robotic. That has never been us."

He sighed, meeting my focus. "No, it hasn't. I don't want that either Grey, but I want to show that I'm respecting you. From the first day we met I've been able to touch you, hold you, and put my arm around you. All as I saw fit. We could joke around one entire day but that night we could still feel that fire between us. It doesn't matter that six years passed that we were last together. Those natural tendencies are still there. And I just want to find the balance between lovers and friends."