A Broken Forever(100)

Stefan Harrison: I would never play a game like this with you, Grey.

Me: You said you would be okay as my friend. Just as my friend.

I couldn't just sit in my car, but it would have been worse if I went inside to Richard and sat there texting Stefan. After I had my answers, I was powering down my phone and giving my fiancé the attention he deserved. When the sound of a new text went off my bones jumped. My nerves hadn't been this on edge for years and now I had no control over the endless pressure.

Stefan Harrison: I did. And I am. But I can't help certain feelings that arise whenever you're near. I'll try to keep it under control if it bothers you so much. As long as you understand it'll be going against nature to not be able to touch you.

Another came in before I had a chance to even process the words.

Stefan Harrison: I'll be good. I promise to keep my instincts under control. Just don't tell me I need to stay away again.

Of all the reactions I expected to have, a school girl type of smile wasn't one of them. The logical part of my brain stood firm that in no way was this okay. Friends did not get as close as we had today. And if they did, they most definitely weren't engaged.

Me: I'm not going to tell you to stay away. I like having you around. I just don't want our friendship to cross any lines.



       
         
       
        

Stefan Harrison: Deal! =]

Before I let myself hold an entire text conversation in my car, I powered off my phone and went inside. As soon as Richard was in reach I wrapped my arms around him and sealed a passionate kiss over his mouth. The surprise he felt faded away as we quickly moved our greeting into the bedroom. Something felt off the entire time, but I let the pleasure overpower all thought. It worked until we no longer were driven by the need for release.

Richard cleaned up, kissed me hard, and returned to the dinner preparation I had interrupted. Opting for a shower before joining him was almost a necessity. The hot water beat against my oversensitive skin while my mind ran wild. Something didn't feel right during our love making, and it went much deeper than physical sensation. The wondering drove me to near insanity. The only conclusion I sufficiently acquired was that the bit of skin Stefan had traced an invisible square on was more sensitive than the place that just reached orgasm.



The next morning Richard reminded me of his 30-hour shift that began that afternoon. We laid in bed an extra twenty minutes longer than was normal for either of us. Just cuddling together. Richard filled me in on the latest patients he dealt with, and other work drama. I listened intently, engaged in the stories he told, and just enjoyed the little time we had together. When he began to hint with his kisses that he was in the mood for a repeat of the night before, I stopped him. Something in my head was creating a mental block from giving my body to him right now. As much as I wanted to satisfy him and let our passions take control, it wasn't right.

It wouldn't be fair to him if I spent our rare moments of ecstasy wondering what made me feel the way I did. There were subtle hints of disappointment when he gave up and prepared for the long day ahead. It made me feel even worse to turn him down but I never wanted to give him only a piece of me. The man deserved all of me, always. Anything less, and it just wasn't alright.

With a kiss goodbye, I made my way out to my car for another day. My phone had been fully charged during the night, but I resisted turning it on until I was out of the house. Waiting for the screen to load completely was excruciating. My leg bobbed obnoxiously but once the wait was over, I was rewarded with a message from the person I had been most anxious to hear from.

Stefan Harrison: Morning Pretty Girl. We had a few break-ins to a couple different customer homes last name. It's crazy here, as it usually is if this happens. Anyway, won't be able to stop by today. Just didn't want you to wait to have lunch with me this time. Talk soon xox.

Stefan Harrison: Oh, and I had a little something delivered to the salon to make up for the lack of me today. ; )

My entire demeanor crumbled exponentially. First, I was a flaky fiancée and couldn't give my love what he needed. Second, the visitor that had been making my days excessively better wasn't able to drop in. When I finally arrived at the salon the others buzzed about the delivery a local coffee shop made. Courtesy of Stefan. Fresh coffee, scones, muffins, and an array of other little tasty treats spread across our break room table. It was all fantastic, but wasn't enough to sweeten my sour mood. 

The day progressed-barely. It felt that every time I checked the clock I was sure an hour had passed and it had been only minutes. I half thought of just telling the others I was sick so I could go home to sleep off whatever was weighing down my mood. Eventually I decided that would only be worse. It wasn't as if Richard would be home later that night, at least giving me something to look forward to. Instead it would be nothing but an evening of sulking and that seemed far from enjoyable.