River peeled out to the road, the back tires of his truck screaming.
"Shit," River said. "I can't believe she's gone."
"Neither can I," I said. "He and his sister don't seem to see eye-to-eye on things."
"Yeah, I picked up on that a few times," River said.
"He's really angry and hurt," I said. "I wish I would have been there … "
"You did your job," River said.
"It's just … everything around me, River. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. Unless I'm with you."
"Then be with me."
"I can't be with you all the time," I said. "I'd love to. I feel like … death is always near me."
"What?"
"Look what happened to Kyle," I said. I saw River grit his teeth. "And then my job. And then the house."
"The house?"
"In the storm," I said. "The moment we touched, the house we first had each other in burns down."
"Oh, Lacey, you can't think of life like that," River said.
"I don't know what to think."
I felt my body shaking. I wanted to burst into tears.
But first … we had to find Axel.
River opened the door to Little Mikey's.
There were two people sitting in the corner of the bar, drinking and talking. Waving their hands, almost arguing over something to do with their jobs. But straight across at the opposite side of the bar sat Axel. His head was down, his hands wrapped around a beer bottle and a shot of whiskey.
River went racing toward him. I hung behind a little.
"Hey, River!" the guy behind the bar said. "You coming to join your buddy? Little early for drinking, huh?"
"Not now, Pecker," River said.
Axel looked up. His face looked rough. Ever hear the words ugly cry? Axel looked like he was holding all that shit in and it did not look healthy or safe.
"Brother," River said. "I am so sorry … "
Axel looked beyond River and right at me. "You. It was you."
"Look at me, Axel," River said.
"No," he said and stood up. He threw the shot of whiskey back. He tossed the glass to the bar. "She did this to me." He pointed right at me.
"Who did what?" River asked. "Lacey?"
"She wasn't there," Axel said. He was still looking at me. "Where the fuck were you? Huh? Taking off on a plane for a little while. Spending all your time in River's bed? Where were you? You were supposed to take care of her."
"Hey, easy, man," River said.
He put a hand to Axel's chest but he slapped it off and shoved him out of the way.
There was nothing protecting me from Axel and his wrath. He made it two steps, with fire in his eyes, when River came charging at him, shoulder tackling him to the bar. Barstools scratched the floor as they flew out of the way.
"Hey!" Pecker yelled from behind the bar.
"Don't talk to her like that," River growled.
He and Axel tangled up for a few seconds and then broke apart.
Axel looked like he was ready to swing, but just held his fist up.
"Axel, I did all I could," I said. "I cared for her. I made her comfortable. You got to spend all that time with her. That's what counts."
"Fuck you," Axel spat. His voice boomed through the bar. "Why didn't you save her?"
"There was no … Axel … you knew … "
"That's enough," River said. "Lacey, you don't have to explain yourself. You did nothing wrong. Axel, you need to man the fuck up here."
Axel spun around from the bar and went almost nose-to-nose with River.
"No," I said. I knew it was crazy, but I stepped in between them. "You cannot do this. Axel, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there. I'm sorry if I let you down at all. You can be angry at me. You can blame me."
"No, he can't," River said.
"Go fuck yourself, River," Axel said.
"Stop this," I said. I turned and faced River. I looked up at him. "Please," I whispered. "His mother just died. Please."
River stepped back and nodded. He showed his hands in defeat.
I turned and Axel was back at the bar, grabbing for his beer.
I felt like the room had calmed a little.
I was wrong.
Things were about to get worse.
Axel drank the beer in one big gulp and asked for another, plus another shot of whiskey.
"Don't," River said. "Pecker, don't serve him right now."
"Pecker, give me a fucking drink," Axel said.