A Boy I Used to Love(75)

"So you ruined ten years of my life? I knew what I wanted, and I had it. For the record, I never finished medical school. I struggled to survive. And, yes, I found River. For the first time in ten years, I'm happy. I have a place in this world. And guess what? Money has nothing to do with it."

My father nodded. He pushed at the arms of the chair and stood up. He rubbed his chin again.

"I can never take back what was done." 

I glanced at the urn. That's all that was left of my mother. Ashes. A shiver climbed up and down my spine. It was eerie and painful. My stomach flipped and tightened. I didn't want to break down in front of my father, though. I had to stand strong.

"I thought I was doing what was best," he said. "Your mother too. When you left … we thought you'd be back. The world is a cruel place to live. We wanted to shelter you and give you a happy life."

"You know nothing about being happy," I said.

"That's true. I wasn't happy …  even after buying this place. I only became happy when your mother and I started working on our new venture. Now she's gone. Now I'm alone. Lacey, I want to find a way to make it all up to you."

"Make it up to me?" I asked.

"Yes."

"What do you want to make up to me? What you did to me ten years ago? Or maybe right now … not calling me about my mother? Not giving me a chance to say goodbye."

"Lacey," my father said. "Please listen to me. It happened so fast. I didn't know what to do. I was grieving. I was greedy."

"Big shock there," I said.

"We have nobody else," my father said. "I …  have nobody else."

"What do you mean?"

"We don't have anyone we consider friends," he said. "If I had a service for her, it would have been …  it would have been people who owe me a favor. People who know nothing of me and her. Just this event. I didn't want that for her. So, I took care of her and put her here. Now I'll forever miss her and regret all that happened."

I put a hand to my mouth. Tears filled my eyes.

"She loved you, Lacey," my father said. "There were plenty times she would bring you up and want to find you. The same for me. But you left. Somewhere inside of me, I wanted you to find happiness. I suppose you did. Even if it is in the arms of that guy … "

"That guy?" I asked. "That guy is taking care of me."

"That's good," my father said. "And now …  let me make it better for you."

He reached into his pocket and took out a piece of paper. He walked it toward me. It was the closest I had been to my father in five years. He actually looked at me, too. I could feel his grief and regret. But that didn't mean everything was just going to wash away.

He handed me a check.

A small check with a large number written on it.

"What is this for?" I asked.

"An offering," he said. "To new beginnings."

"Money. It all comes down to money."

"I want you to take this. I want you to finish medical school, Lacey. I can make a phone call to any school you'd like. And this will pay for medical school …  and for the rest of your life."

The amount on the check would be more than enough to live on for the rest of my life. I held the piece of paper but had no attachment to it.

"I just want you to do what's right," my father said.

"Meaning what?"

He swallowed hard. "I want you to take care of yourself. I feel like the engagement was forced upon you and I regret that. But running back into the arms of something you think is comfort … "

"River? This is about River?"

"What can he offer you?"

I stepped back. "How about love?"

"You can love anyone you desire," my father said. "That check will allow you start over on your own. Take care of yourself and let stuff happen as it should. So you don't have to chase down old memories."



       
         
       
        

"Is this a joke?"

"He had no family," my father said. "He fixed cars for a living. I heard he was involved in illegal fighting. I know he did jail time. He's a criminal, Lacey. And what does he do now? He tattoos people? What kind of life is that?"

"An honest one," I said. "Something you'll never have." My entire body started to shake. "I don't want your money."

I stood there and ripped the check in half. Then I ripped it again and I threw it into the fireplace. It was a lot of money. Life-changing money. But I wasn't going to be controlled by my parents. Never again. I glanced up to the urn and reached for it. My fingertips grazed it.