A Boy I Used to Love(70)

"Thanks for inviting me," she said. "I like this. I mean, this part of your life. The town. St. Skin. Everyone who works there."

"I guess you could say it's my family," I said.

"You're a lucky man, River."

I looked down at her and kissed her. "Now I'm a lucky man. Being next to you. Kissing you. Loving you."

"It can't all be about me," she said.

I touched her chin. "Lacey. Yes it can. Everything is about you."

"I love you, River."

I leaned back to my elbows and pulled Lacey down to me. "Look up at the stars, darling. Tell me what you see."

"Can I tell you the truth?"

"That's all I ever want from you, Lacey."

"I haven't seen a night this clear in a while."

"That's what you wanted to tell me?"

"No. The last time I saw a night this clear … was when Kyle died."

"Oh," I said. "Car accident, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm really sorry that happened."

"So am I," she said.

I kissed the top of her head. "Tell me about it all, Lacey."

"I left everything behind, River. I was a mess. I was lost. Kyle was just … there. It's funny, I think I was the perfect girlfriend for him. I never talked about being serious. I never questioned where he was or what he was doing. I was just there, like he was. We weren't close, but we weren't distant. You know?"

"Trust me, Lacey, I know. I did it for years."

"I never felt totally right with him," she said. "I had planned on telling him the truth. But I just got stuck in this rut, River. Working all day with people who were barely hanging on. And when they would pass, it hurt so much. I couldn't stand to go home to an empty apartment. So, it was comfort. I think it was that way for both of us. And then one night, he went out with some friends and never came home. The craziest part was that his mother called me to tell me. I walked outside and looked up to the stars. It was clear, just like this. I was crying,. Yeah, I was definitely crying. I felt bad for Kyle and his whole family. I felt bad that I lost someone I cared for. But I felt bad for Kyle. Because in that moment … I started to feel free. Oh my gosh, River, that sounds so evil."

"No it doesn't," I said, stroking her hair. "You're being honest with yourself."

"I told myself right then that next year, I would go to our spot and see what would happen. I just wish it didn't happen that way. I wish I could have told Kyle the truth. Maybe he wouldn't have gone out that night … "

"Oh, Lacey, you can't do that. You didn't chase him out that night. He had plans. Whether it was with you or someone else. That's just how life-"



       
         
       
        

"I get it, River," she said. She looked up at me. "I've seen a lot of death in my time of not having you in my life. Maybe my heart's a little worried."

"Well let me un-worry you," I said.

"I don't think that's a real word."

"I just made it a real word."

"Can we go home now?"

"Of course," I whispered. I kissed her.

She grabbed her socks and shoes. Instead of letting her put them back on, I just lifted her up, cradling her as I walked her toward the house.

I carried her to my truck.

Then I stood there and looked up the stars again.

I never once believed in dreams or fate or understanding what it meant to have things work out the right way.

Right then, I fucking got it.

I had everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever needed.

"What are you doing?" Lacey asked me.

"Never forgetting this moment," I said.

And I never would forget it.

Because we were just days away from being ripped apart again.



I held her perfect body tight to mine. She was panting, short on air, her lips kissing against my neck. Each time she exhaled, she groaned. My fingertips trailed down to her perfect ass. She jumped and groaned. I was still inside her, ready to have her again. My hands kept going. I stopped at the back of her legs and pulled, bringing her knees forward. My hands then moved up to her hips and I held her tight.

"I fucking love your body, darling," I said. "I can't get enough of you."

"I can feel that," Lacey whispered. She gently rocked her hips forward and back.

I was instantly brought back to life.

"Oh, River," Lacey said, biting her lip.

Her hands moved from the bed to my chest. I felt her nails dig into my skin.

"It's okay," I whispered. "Nice and easy."