How did we let things get so fucked up? When he blurted out that he had someone check on me, it crushed my heart. He should have just come himself to save me.
"You okay?"
I shook my head. "Sorry. Yeah. Just preparing. The last time I did this … well … "
"I know," Andrea said. "It's the worst part of it. We spend time with them. We comfort them. We know they're going to go, but when they actually do … "
I nodded.
We went into the little house.
I went to the back bedroom and met a beautiful elderly woman. She was sitting up in her bed. She had white hair that was done up very nicely. The age and wisdom that radiated off of her was instantly addicting to me. I pulled a chair right up to the bed and sat down.
"Mary," she said to me. She reached for me.
I looked at Andrea and gave a nod.
I took Bethany's hand. "I'm Lacey. But I'm sure I look just like Mary, don't I?"
Bethany grinned. "Oh, heavens. Look at me. I'm sorry. You do look like Mary, though."
"Who is Mary?"
"Oh, she was my best friend. We were such good friends together."
"That's wonderful, Bethany. I'm here to check on you. Is that okay?"
"Oh, sure. Sure. The house is fine. Andrew came and took care of the toilet. It was running."
I smiled. "Good. I'm glad that's fixed. I'm going to just check on a few things in here, okay?"
"Are you here to fix the toilet?" Bethany asked.
I could feel the sting in my heart. You could see her eyes glaze over a little as her mind eased away from reality.
"No, the toilet is fixed," I said.
"Well, I hope Andrew did it. I can't afford a plumber."
"I'm sure he did," I said.
I adjusted the bed and slowly got Bethany into a more relaxed position.
She started to look around the room like she had no idea where she was.
"Hey, Bethany," I said. "Want me to call Andrew and ask him?"
Bethany smiled and reached for my hand. "Mary. I've been waiting for you to get back to me."
I nodded. "Okay. I'll be right back."
I patted Bethany's hand and left the room.
Andrea waited in the hall. She had a somber look on her face.
"It's rough," she whispered. "Hospital doesn't even want to deal with her anymore. Not to sound mean. But slowly it's all just shutting down. You did good, though. You definitely have experience. It's a hard thing to shut your heart off a little, you know?"
"Oh, I know," I said.
I wasn't referring to Bethany, either.
In the kitchen, we chatted for a few minutes before I told Andrea she was safe to leave. I had everything under control. I was going to take the morning until Bethany's son came. Then another hospice nurse would come by. Bethany's daughter - Ava - was on her way from Virginia to spend whatever time was left.
The house was finally quiet and as I sat alone, I burst into tears.
I always got emotional when meeting someone for the first time. Just knowing their fate and knowing I could do nothing to save them was a horrible feeling. But this time it went beyond that. Eventually … well … time was going to put all of us in that position. Some may pass too soon and some may live for a long time. Some may need care. But we were all going to say goodbye to the world someday.
It made me think of River. We'd already lost ten years. How much more …
I heard a weak yell from the bedroom. I sprang to my feet and rushed through the house to the bedroom.
I found Bethany on her side, trying to wrestle the covers off her body.
"Let me help you," I said.
"This is too tight, Mary. I told you I'm fine. Just a little cold."
"But you need the rest," I said. I played along as I eased the blanket off her body. I saw how thin and weak she was and it broke my heart. "Come on, I'll put something on TV. It's not even that nice out. You're missing nothing."
"The laundry is piled up. If Harry comes home and the laundry isn't done … oh, boy, that's not good."
I saw fear spread across her face.
I crouched down. "Tell you what, Bethany. I'll do the laundry. Okay?"
"You're a good friend."
"So are you."
She looked out the window. She was very quiet for a few seconds. Then she said, "I hope Andrew fixes that toilet."
"I'm sure he will," I said.
Outside the bedroom, I heard the sound of a door slamming.
"There's your son now," I said.
"Andrew. Good. Very good."
I left the room and had no idea what to expect.