A Boy I Used to Love(57)

I grabbed Axel's shoulder and squeezed it. "Hey, it's okay. That means she loves you. And whatever you go through, she loves you. I know you want this quiet, but if there's anything I can do to help, you let me know."

"Thanks, brother. Hey, what's going on with your past love?"

"It's in the past," I said. "Probably where it belongs."

"Fuck. Don't say that."

"There's ten years between us, Axel. I know that's a long time but it seems like a lot more when we're together."

"Is she worth it?"

"Yeah, she is. I'll tell you something you can't tell anyone. I would do anything for her. Even if that includes staying away and letting the past fade into the dark."

I squeezed Axel's shoulder again and went back inside the shop.

I walked to the front and saw Tate standing at the window.

"Boss, can I ask you something?" I asked.

Tate looked over at me. "Don't even call me boss, River."

"Tate."

"What do you want?"

"A drink."

Tate grinned. "I knew I hired you for a reason."



I was four shots and four beers deep and the emotions were swelling inside me like a volcano ready to go. Tate was one of the few who could sit with me and drink in silence. Two men in their own thoughts sharing a little time and booze.

Her memory couldn't be chased away with whiskey, beer, or even women. I hadn't even bothered with trying to pick up a woman, either. Replacing Lacey wasn't in the cards this time. And right about now was when I'd usually find someone new to start a relationship with. The next person to get sucked into my world and then get hurt in about a year.

I looked over at Tate and raised my glass.

He raised his.

Another shot went down.

Then he slapped my back and stood up.

"You're sitting here, drinking yourself stupid. You're not saying a word but you're speaking lots. I'm not an idiot, River. Figure your shit out. Whatever it is."

"Where are you going?"

"I've had my fill. Part two of the night is to either fuck or fight. There's plenty here to do either with. Have a good night, River."

Tate took out a hundred-dollar bill and threw down on the bar.

It was way more than what we had to drink.

Which meant he wanted me to keep going.

So, I ordered another shot and another beer.

I thought about the abandoned house on fire. The smoke, ashes, and the charred wood. The house where Lacey realized she could be a woman. The house where I kept my sanity and kept myself out of trouble.

I missed her.

Just being with her for one part of a day was enough to remind me that I was capable of feeling love again. That deep, penetrating, change-your-life kind of love.

She found the ring in my pocket. She saw the rings I had buried. And she knew I had someone check on her …  and that I knew she had been engaged. It hurt that she gave that promise to another man. But she didn't keep it, right? She wasn't married. At least I hoped not.

I lowered my head and stared down into the shot glass.



       
         
       
        

Someone was going to have to give my ass a ride home.

I grabbed the glass and threw it back.

Then I spotted someone across the bar looking at me.

She smiled.

I winked.

I dare you …  because I'm going to break your heart if you try. Because my heart's broken. And only one person in the world can fix it. One fucking person. One beautiful woman. My …





Lacey





PRESENT DAY





"Lacey."

Andrea gave a wave as I shut my car door. "That's me."

"Pleasure to finally meet you," she said.

We shook hands and she led the way into the house.

Sitting around was not in my cards anymore, so I took a new job. A part-time job. I needed the distraction. I needed to get away from anything that resembled reality. Maybe even fantasy, too.

"You're going to meet Bethany," Andrea said.

"I read her file," I said. "I have plenty of experience."

"Sure, right. Sorry. I've been helping her for the last little bit. But we're going to be rotating shifts. I'm getting married next week and will be away on a honeymoon."

"Well, congrats," I said. "Wow. That's great."

I smiled but on the inside I was crying. I felt like the petty, jealous friend now. I had been engaged once but that wasn't right. I could've been engaged again …

My mind flashed the image of all those rings. The rain pounding against the ground. The thunder booming around. River pointing to the ground and showing me all those rings. A ring for each time he showed up and waited for me. And each time he was burying one of those rings I was on a vacation somewhere, trying to bury my guilt for not meeting up with him.