Chris put me where the table had been.
I stood there in complete shock.
The entire restaurant stared at me.
Chris stood before me. He touched my face with both hands. His hands were so soft. Milky soft hands. The thing was … I didn't feel anything when he touched my face. They weren't rough like River's were.
Chris reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and dropped to one knee.
I covered my mouth.
I heard a collective gasp throughout the restaurant.
This was really happening.
Chris took my hand. "Lacey, we met in a cafe … "
He started to ramble about our memories together.
I loved him. Yes, I did love him. It wasn't the same love as River. But Chris was here. He was in front of me. He wanted to take care of me. I would have a good and happy life. At least on the outside. I could finish medical school and find a job and just have this simple life. All the bad stuff on the outside of my bubble would remain there.
To so many around me, I was free. Marrying Chris was a smart decision.
"Lacey, will you do me the honor and be my wife?"
I glanced over at my parents. My father smiled proudly, an arm around my mother, gripping her shoulder tight. My mother blinked fast, her eyes glistening with tears.
The restaurant waited for my answer.
So, I nodded.
I nodded … and I kept nodding.
Next thing I knew, Chris shoved the massive diamond ring on my finger and stood up to kiss me. We kissed. The restaurant burst into applause. My father announced he would be paying for everyone's dessert.
And it became a night of celebration and everyone wanting to congratulate me. They were all strangers to me.
But the biggest stranger of all?
Myself.
It was almost one in the morning.
Chris was sleeping. The apartment was super quiet. I couldn't sleep. I crept out of the bed and downstairs. I wandered through the kitchen in the dark. Biting my lip, I opened the bottom cabinet where I kept expensive glassware that would never be used. There was a secret corner, and that's where I kept a pack of cigarettes. It was a stress thing and I only smoked when I was stressed about school. Sometimes I'd have to pull all-nighters and write papers so I would smoke, write, smoke, write. Then I'd have to hurry and air the place out to keep Chris from finding out. He made it very clear to me that smoking was a total deal-breaker.
I opened the backdoor and went out to our small deck to sit on the top step.
We were on the outside of the city. If you listened hard enough you could barely hear the hustle and bustle of it, even at this late hour.
I took out a cigarette and lit it, sucking a deep drag, and coughing hard. I buried my face into the crook of my arm to keep from making too much noise. As I coughed, I stared at the diamond ring on my finger.
It was really big. It was heavy. It was … obnoxious. It was not what I wanted. I wasn't that kind of woman. I held my left hand out as my right hand held the cigarette. I didn't blink as I smoked and stared at the diamond.
What was I thinking?
I could be honest with Chris about the ring. And maybe even more than that. This went way beyond an engagement ring. Maybe I could go find River and just … see. Settle my aching heart once and for all. Prove to myself that he wasn't waiting around for me, either.
I nodded.
That made sense.
I could tell Chris I had to go on a trip. Hell, I took a trip on the day me and River were supposed to meet up every year. I couldn't face that day, wondering if he would actually follow through and show up looking for me.
Plus, it had been five years since I'd last seen River. Those were five years that he could have tried to find me. Shocked me. Surprised me. Stolen me.
But he didn't do that.
I finished the cigarette and had to clean up and hide all the evidence. That included scrubbing my hands to the point of them hurting. I brushed my teeth for about ten minutes and chugged mouthwash.
Back in bed next to Chris, I stared at him. He wasn't that bad of a guy. He was … worth settling for.
But I would need to check on River first. I would need to know if anything remained.
That night I went to bed a little more at ease.
But looking for River would be useless.
He was in prison and would stay there for a little while.
And me …
I was in my own version of prison, too.
River
PRESENT DAY
The woman sat on the edge of my chair and dabbed the corners of her eyes. She rolled her eyes up into the back of her head and let out a sigh.
"I don't want my makeup to run," she said.
"I don't think that really matters," I said. "I don't judge by makeup."
Her name was Tess.
She looked at me. "Thank you, River. You really did it. You'll never know what these roses mean to me."