"But you had it," River said.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing," River said. "Nothing. Keep going."
We were approaching the cabin. I picked at the edge of the seat of his truck. There was so much to tell. The truth wasn't just one layer. This went deep. Really deep. I had been proposed to once. I had taken off. I had sort of fallen for another guy. And that guy had died.
I looked at River. My bottom lip started to quiver.
"It was just hard for me, okay?" I whispered. "Everything was hard for me. I spent so much time stuck between a dream and a reality. The dream was you, River. Forever you. Hoping you'd pop out of nowhere to surprise me." I hurried to reach for his hand. He made the right turn into the stone driveway, and his truck faced the cabin. "I don't blame you though. Please know that. We were young and crazy when we started making promises."
River pulled his hand from mine. He then forced our hands to face one another, our fingers slowly interlocking.
"Yet here we are, crazy promises and all," he said. "What was your reality then, Lacey?"
"Exactly what I just told you. Someone else. The house. The life. The convenience."
River swallowed hard. "You should have taken it all. You deserve it all, Lacey. I hope you know that."
"What if I'm right where I'm supposed to be?"
The cabin of the truck suddenly shot up about a hundred degrees. My breathing started to feel a little funky, too. Staring into River's eyes brought back all those hopeless butterfly feelings wrestling in my stomach. Those same feelings I used to get when he'd take me to the abandoned house. Right before we'd start to touch …
River reached out and touched my hair. He slid some behind my ear. His fingers eased to the back of my head. I already planned on kissing him, but I wanted to feel him pull me. I wanted to feel what it was like to truly be wanted. Needed. Demanded.
I craved that sense of attention, and River's eyes and innuendos were flooding me with all of that.
River started to lean in on me. Then he paused. "And what was the reality for you, Lacey?"
I slowly shook my head. "That's the thing. There was no reality. It was just this life in front of me that I didn't want. I got to a point where I couldn't take it, River. I felt like I was drowning, and everyone around me knew how to swim. I knew the risk of talking about how I felt … and then it all caught up to me at once. I left. I went to go find a new reality."
"Did you find it?"
"Not the way I had hoped."
River moved in even closer. I'd never felt such anticipation with a man before. It was like River knew what another kiss between us would do, and he was giving me the chance to break apart.
Our lips got even closer. Just a few centimeters apart.
Then came the sound of a boom.
Like a boulder had dropped onto the hood of the car.
I didn't mean to scream like I did. It was just instinct. I looked forward as River did.
There was a man standing at the front of his truck. He was all unkempt, almost homeless-looking.
"Do you know that guy?" I asked.
"That's Richie," River said with his lip curled. "He's the guy that owns everything up here."
I exhaled and touched my chest. I didn't know what had my heart racing more-the guy hitting the hood of the truck or being so close to kissing River.
Richie put his hands to the hood and started to play some kind of drumbeat.
River then gave the horn a beep, and Richie jumped back.
He then walked along the side of the truck to River's window.
River put the window down to greet him.
"Did I interrupt something?" Richie asked with a smile.
"Never knew you to be a joking man," River said.
"Jack of all trades," Richie said. "Hey, you're all set in there, River. You're on your own with the firewood, though. I'll stock the cabinets and fridge, but I'm not carrying firewood for you. Brought enough down for a little while though. You might want to get that inside. Heard there's a nasty storm coming. Keep your eyes open for fallen trees."
"Thanks, Richie,"
I took in the conversation.
Did River have Richie get food and supplies? For us? Was that a romantic gesture or just a gesture of survival?
"You owe me," Richie said.
"Put it on my tab," River said. "And if I'm not mistaken, don't you owe me for building this thing?"
"Now, to be fair, River," Richie said with a bearded smile, "you were the one on the 'trespassing' list for how many years up here? If I charged by the hour even, oh, I would be a rich man." Then Richie looked at me. "He spent a lot of time waiting for you, sweetheart. Hope it's all worth it."