I went to Lacey again, still pissed off that Prick said what he said.
"Sorry."
"Do you have a girlfriend?" Lacey asked.
"No, darlin', I don't. I promise you. I wouldn't do that to you or anyone else."
"Okay," Lacey said, unconvinced.
"Hey, I swear to you," I said. "I'm an open book, Lacey. I have nothing to hide from you. I've waited so long … I'm torn."
"Torn?"
"Between taking it slow and loving you … or just throwing you to a bed and showing you what you've been missing for a decade."
Lacey's eyes went wide.
I planted a kiss on her cheek.
I opened the door to St. Skin.
We walked out and I looked back at the tattoo shop.
The place had been my home while I was lost.
But holding Lacey-I was found.
Lacey
PRESENT DAY
I sat next to River in his truck. He begged me not to take my car up the mountain again. I had my bags in the back, and he was in control of the road. Inside myself, I was a twisted mess. It was amazing how so many roads could turn, end, and circle around, yet you never felt like you were actually getting somewhere.
But the second I saw River standing at that big-ass rock, I felt like my destination was in sight. And nobody understood that. Nobody but River.
I looked over at him and watched the way he gripped the wheel. It was stupid, but there was something about his grip, seeing veins in his hand, up his arm to where his tattoos started. The way the sleeve of his t-shirt fit so snug around his big arms.
"Did you really build that cabin?" I asked.
River looked at me, then back ahead quickly. "It's not that easy of an answer."
"Why? Are you afraid of what I'll say back?"
"No. The truth is, yeah, I built the cabin. Most of it, at least. Took a long time to do."
"Wow."
"But it wasn't for you," he said with a grin.
"Oh?"
"The guy that owns all that land. He asked me to build it. I got to know him from going up there. He had a rough patch in life and sold everything he had and bought a shit-ton of land. He was a really successful realtor. Probably a millionaire. I ran into him a few times and he said he wanted to build something closer to the road. Hell, I thought he was going to knock down the old house. Well, I think he was planning on that."
River glanced at me for a brief second.
"That's still standing?"
"Yeah," River said. "Don't know how. But it is."
I made a small o with my lips and exhaled. The memories in that old house. The things I learned about River. A man's body. The things I learned about my own body.
I had to look out the window for a second.
"So he put me up to the job," River said. "I mean, I don't know much about construction. He had other guys there. But he just knew that the area meant something to me. And it was, uh, nice to have something to do. I was getting settled into town and with St. Skin. It was a hectic time for me. Wouldn't have taken much for me to fall off the rails a little."
"What rails, River?" I asked.
"The ones that keep me from getting into trouble, Lacey."
"I heard a rumor that you were in jail for a little while."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," River said. "This is going to be a give-and-take conversation, darling. I just gave you something about my past. Now I'm taking some of yours. How'd you end up on Karen's couch, across the country?"
I laughed, but it was a sad laugh. "I just kind of gave up on things, River. Got tired of it all."
"Tired of what?"
River made a right turn, taking us off the road and onto the dirt path that led to the cabin, the rock, the old abandoned house.
"Everything," I whispered. "My life was on display, and I was just pushed and told where to go. Somedays I could deal with it. I would convince myself to imagine the bigger picture. Being a doctor. Being respected. Making my parents happy. You know, the normal stuff. The house, dog, kids, driveway."
"Driveway?" River asked.
"Just something I pictured. A house with a nice driveway. I don't know."
I saw the way his hands gripped the wheel tighter. I was describing everything I had before to him, only he couldn't give it to me then. But that was okay. It didn't bother me-then or now. I wasn't that kind of person.
"I saw the way my parents were, too. They constantly had to reassure themselves that they belonged together. That's not marriage or love. That's convenience. They knew everything about each other, and it made sense to be together. I didn't want that."