A Boy I Used to Love(38)

"You had an engagement ring with you," I said. "I didn't think you would really be there, River. But you were there. You were amazing. You were sexy. You kissed me so good. Better than anyone ever has kissed me. And you brought an engagement ring."

River looked away and sighed. "I can't deny any of that. Especially the sexy and good kissing part."

He winked at me.

I smiled.

Fuck, he had a way of cutting into me.

"Lacey, I brought that ring … somewhere in my heart, yeah, I pictured dropping to one knee the day you came back to me. And only because I wanted you to know how much you mean to me. That nothing or nobody could replace that. Ever. And time couldn't take that away either. Fuck, ten years? Twenty years. Fifty years. Whatever. I could be ninety and blind, but if I felt your hand touch my face … "

My throat felt like it was going to close.

A few seconds of speech from River was more romance than I'd experienced in the whole ten years we were apart.

"I didn't give you that ring for no reason," he said. "I didn't want to scare you, Lacey. I had been going up there for so long …  I … "

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Shit," River said. He turned and moved from the counter. "Nothing, Lacey. Look. I just wanted to see you for a second. Karen worked hard to track me down last night. She said you wanted to see me. I just wanted to prove to you that I'm right here. I'd love to know about the past ten years." 

Oh, hell no.

I put the coffee mug down. "River. Look at me right now."

He turned again to face me. He was too close to the door for comfort.

"How many years have you gone up there?"

"I told you, I know the guy who owns all that land," he said.

"No. That's not an answer. I want to know how many times you went up there and waited for me."

River ran a hand through his hair. He was older. Bigger. Stronger. But he was still the badass twenty-year-old I first met. The man who swept me off my feet and stole all my innocence.

He looked right at me. "Years, Lacey. Years. Okay?"

"Years," I whispered. "Why?"

"I was drunk that night," River said. "You know that. We talked about that. I couldn't really remember. I remembered saying five years. Ten years. So I didn't know. But I went there as much as I could, just in case. I thought that if something ever happened to you in your life and you were at your lowest, you'd be there. You'd go there for comfort and for hope. I wanted to be that for you, Lacey. Your comfort and your hope. I wanted to stand there as you arrived, and I wanted you to realize who I was. Who I am. No matter what the years did to us."

River then walked to the door and started to open it.

Was I really going to let him leave?

"No," I said. "No, no, no."

River stopped. "No?"

I moved through the kitchen at lightning speed. Next thing I knew, I was grabbing River by his shirt. I swung my left foot and kicked the door shut. There I was, so much smaller than River, but I had him pinned against the wall.

"No," I said.

"No what?" he asked.

"It's not fair."

"What's not fair, Lacey?"

"That we lost each other. For no good reason. I never became a doctor. I lost my way completely. I hid for years, fearing you were gone and doing something else."

River then touched my face. His hand stroked my cheek.

"Oh, darlin', I know. Maybe we should have never let it happen. But it did. We have right now. Our future. If you want a future."

"For the record, the ring was perfect," I said. "And I'm sorry it freaked me out. I shouldn't have seen the ring and I shouldn't have left. I didn't want it to become a one-day thing and then it's gone."

"It can become anything you want," River whispered. "Everything is for you, Lacey. It's why I'm standing here right now."

Oh, fuck. He was killing me.

"So what do we do, River?" I asked.

"I have to get to work. But when I'm done, I want you, Lacey. At the cabin. Right where we belong. I want to shed the last ten years. Can we at least do that?"

I nodded. "River, I've been through a lot. I don't want to mislead you into anything."

"You never would," he said. "I came because Karen said you were asking for me. If you need to be alone or need to be away, I'll respect that."

"I want to be with you, River," I said. "But I don't know … "

River came down and kissed me. His lips brushed mine. I felt gross. Messy hair, morning breath, my skin probably stinking of the booze from last night.

"Stop by the shop a little later," he said. "Then we'll take off from there."