A Boy I Used to Love(28)

I curled my lip as I gassed up the truck even more. The car started to move again and pulled forward, right out of the ditch and back onto the road. I put the truck between two trees the best I could and didn't let up until I knew the car was safely on the road. Then I pulled the emergency brake on my truck and got out so I could take Lacey's car out of neutral.

When I got back to my truck, I crept it forward to release the tension and then parked it for good.

I looked at Lacey and nodded. "We're good."

I got out and was back on my hands and knees, taking the hook off her front axle. I checked the damn thing, too, to make sure there was no damage.

Once again, when I got out from under the car, Lacey was right behind, hovering over me.

I stood and turned to face her.

"Did you ever love anyone else?" she asked me.

"What?"

"Ten years, River. You can't tell me you didn't fall for someone else."

"I'm not with anyone else, Lacey. I waited for you."

"You waited for me. For ten years."

"Yeah."

"Did you love anyone else?"

"Did you?" I asked. "Why does it matter?"

She blinked fast. Damn, this was all really getting to her.

"Hey," I said. I reached for her arms and she broke away.

"No," she said. "I feel …  no."

She hurried around me and walked to the edge of the road.

I stood and watched and wasn't sure what my next move should be. I wasn't going to leave her standing there, whether she wanted that or not. All this time between us, I wasn't going to let some raw emotion push her away even more.

When I got next to her, I just stared forward.

"I know how this feels," I said.

"No, you don't. I haven't had a normal day since I left. I hope you get that, River."

"Darlin', I get that. I get shit all the time for this."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," I said.

Fuck.

I didn't want her to know about my obsession of coming up here. Or the rings in the dirt. Or the ring in my pocket.

"It hasn't been normal for me," I said. "I was really lost after you left. I lost my job at the garage. I took up more fighting. I wanted to get hurt, Lacey. I think in some ways …  I wanted out. And then I … "

"You could have come across the country to me," she said. "You could have found a way. Every time I heard a noise I hoped it was you. Throwing rocks at my window. Tapping at the door. Doing anything to sneak over and see me."

I hung my head. I wasn't going to argue with her. I wasn't going to force her feelings to the bottom of the pile. Lacey was the most important person in my life. Even in her absence she was still the most important person.

"You're right," I said.

"I'm right?" she asked. "That's all I get. Ten years and I get 'you're right'?"

I looked at her.

I grabbed for my pocket.

My own aggravation was starting to kick up.

My lip started to curl as I gritted my teeth.

Lacy barely even looked at me.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked. "I'm here right now, Lacey. That's what we agreed on."

"And you suddenly started following the rules," she said.

She turned and took a step.



       
         
       
        

I saw her foot slide and I grabbed for her. It was too late, though. She was going to go down.

Her arms flew out as she let out a little cry.

The dirt road was safe but the sides were deceiving as hell. The ground seemed to be forever soft and all it took was one wrong step to be eating dirt and worms.

I managed to wrap my arms around Lacey and turn both of us.

Now we were both falling, but it was me who would take the brunt of the fall.

My back hit the ground, Lacey on top of me. I slid a little but I dug my heels into the ground and stopped the slide. Thankfully nobody was around to see what had happened.

"What the hell was that?" Lacey asked.

"That was you falling and me catching you," I said.

"Are you okay?"

"Just dirty," I said.

Lacey had her hands on my shoulders. She took a deep breath.

"I said you're right because I have no other excuse," I said. My hands interlocked at the small of her back. "I hope you get that, Lacey. You don't know the darkness that swept over my life when you left. My saving grace was you finding everything you wanted. And if you didn't, then I'll never be able to forgive myself. And I'll do anything to make it up to you. Because I've been searching for ten years, darling, and it's gotten me back to the same place where it all started."