A Better Man(61)

"Yeah?" Ethan gave him a crooked grin. "Well, you're getting your shiny shoes muddy out here. So what's with the tux?"

Jordan started to walk again and Ethan was right there beside him. "I did something really shitty fifteen years ago to a girl who didn't deserve it and I was trying to make it up to her."

"You didn't succeed?"

"Maybe. But-­"

"There's more to the story?"

"I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Sounds serious."

"Life has definitely taken some twists and turns in the past couple of weeks."

"I hear that." Ethan reached down and picked up a piece of vine cut during last year's harvest. "If you're worried about Nicki, I had a chat with her."

"At least she'll talk to you. All she does is yell at me."

"She's pretty damn good at that."

"Yeah." Jordan gave a harsh laugh. "She makes it no secret that she hates my guts."

"She doesn't hate you, but she's definitely pissed about something. I think you're just in her line of fire."

"Did she give you any insight as to what's going on?" Jordan asked as they came to the end of the row and headed toward the guest cabins. "I already asked Ryan, Dec, and Parker, but they had no clue."

Ethan shook his head. "It's like she talks in code. The only thing she said was that the rest of us had no idea what it was like to be her. And that the only possibility of a resolution was gone."

"Cryptic."

"Yeah." Ethan made a cynical sound. "I'm pretty sure that young or old, I'll never figure out women."



       
         
       
        

"They're definitely one of the great mysteries of life."

"Amen to that. So . . . this girl you were trying to apologize to . . . you've got feelings for her?"

"She's pretty special."

"But?"

"She's been through a lot." Without giving away details he said, "She needs someone to give her what she needs. What she deserves."

"And you're not that guy?"

As much as he wanted to be that guy, he wasn't sure he could be. "She deserves someone better than me. Someone who has their life all figured out. Not someone who has too many balls juggling in the air to be sure of anything."

Jordan never expected to have such strong feelings for her at all, let alone in such a short time. His instincts were to protect her. To show her that loving someone didn't have to be painful. That making love was supposed to be warm and fulfilling for both parties. He'd meant it when he'd told her he was interested in her. He meant it when he said she deserved to be treated well and that she mattered to him. And as much as he wanted to be that guy, he didn't really know what he was capable of. This was his first trip to the rodeo.

"The look on your face says you want to be that guy, regardless of the juggling."

"Yeah, but too many things are piling up," Jordan said. "And I'm probably not the guy who can make it all better."

"Such as?"

"I can't bring our parents back, or find the missing money, or fix Nicki's troubles in the blink of an eye. I've got the coach and my agent sending me text threats that I need to get my ass back to work ASAFP. And I can't focus on anything except that I've skated on my duties to this family for years. It's my turn to give."

"Yep." Ethan shook his head. "That's a load of shit all right. You ever think about letting go of stuff you have no control over?"

"No. I'm programmed to take care of business."

"Too bad real life isn't as easy as slamming some guy into the boards, right?"

"That's about the only thing I'm good at."

"Bullshit. Stop being so fucking hard on yourself. You're right. As much as I'd like you to be able to, you can't bring Mom and Dad back. Let that go. Mourn them. Miss them. Hold your memories close. It's okay to live your own life and still be respectful of the loss. As far as the missing money goes . . . Ryan and Dec will get it figured out. It might take a while, but they'll find out what happened and then we'll get this place updated so it starts making money again. When it comes to Nicki, the rest of us will help out wherever we're needed. We've just taken a step back because you seem so determined to do right by her. We don't want to take that away from you." He grimaced. "Plus she's scary as hell." 

Jordan chuckled because it was the truth.

"So that leaves you only two things to focus on-­your lady friend and your career." Ethan clapped his hand over Jordan's shoulder. "One you should be able to sweet talk, the other you can fast talk. Get it done and quit your bitching."