ACE:Las Vegas Bad Boys(91)

“Claire.” Tess’s mouth hangs open. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” My mouth is set in a straight line and I know I must look like a matronly bitch with a stick up my ass. I feel like one, too.

Emmy has tears in the corners of her eyes.

“I know it’s fast,” Emmy says, reaching across the table and taking my hand, withholding the judgment I deserve. “But after everything with Janie, I just ... Claire, life is short. And precious. I don’t want to miss something good. Something beautiful, because of what-ifs.”

I can’t tell her that what-ifs are the very things that break us, that the what-ifs should be considered—because when you don’t consider them, you end up in a life you never wanted. In your mom’s condo in Vegas without a college degree, without a savings account, without anything besides your own bootstraps.

I can’t say that. I can’t really say that to anyone, can I? How can I say that I love Sophia with all that I am and all that I will be, that I will fight to make her life-story a fairy tale and a dream come true, but that I still wish I’d given myself space for a few more chapters of my own? How can I say that being a mom isn’t enough ... that I want more?

I can’t say that because it makes me sound like a monster, a shitty mom, a mom as bad as Sophia’s father. I don’t want to be that woman. I want to give Sophia everything.

And, looking at Emmy now, I know she wouldn’t be able to understand my words without knowing so much more.

Maybe if the night had started out differently I’d be able to tell them the truth ... but now the mood has already changed.

“You’re right,” I say, forcing a smile. “You’ll be an amazing mom, and Ace will be a badass dad, and you have money and opportunities and will be a gorgeous family. Sorry for being a cynic.”

“Well,” Emmy says, smiling. “It could be awhile. You never know. Some people try for years.”

And some people try one time. One singular time. And their lives change forever.

“Ohmigosh, you would be so hot pregnant,” Tess says. “Although, if you have a baby before Claire and I even find men, I might get a little jealous of your life.”

“You’re already jealous,” I say, laughing, elbowing her. The waiter comes back and we all order the special. When he leaves, Tess picks up where we left off.

“True.” Tess groans. “Your wedding was amazing … but, seriously, not enough single men. Right Claire?”

I feel my cheeks redden at this, and I take another sip-chug of the Prosecco. The waiter appears once again and refills my glass.

“You didn’t meet anyone either?” Emmy asks.

“Meet? No.” I bite my lip, knowing that it’s technically the truth, but wondering if maybe I owe them the actual truth.

“Bummer. I know Ace invited some single guys.”

“Well,” Tess smiles, “you and Landon sure looked cute dancing together.”

“Ha. Right. Cute.” I swallow. I need to be real with them about something, and I’m not ready to talk about Sophia ... but I can mention Landon.

“You did, though.” Tess shrugs. “Dancing so prim and proper.”

“Well, okay, I’ll give you some gossip of my own,” I tell them.

“We’re all ears,” Emmy says leaning in.

“Okay, so after the wedding—” I start, ready to tell them everything.

Tess looks down at her phone. “Ohmigosh, I hate to interrupt, Claire, but you guys, I just got a text that Gwen Stefani is here. At the hotel.”

“Gwen Stefani?” Emmy’s mouth drops open. “Let me call Ace and see if he can … you know, like, introduce us.” She immediately grabs her phone and begins texting Ace.

I get it. Gwen Stefani being here is a big deal, and I know Tess loves this sort of thing. She Instagrammed the hell out of being at the wedding with the Ashley Fast. Even I know a potential Gwen Stefani sighting tops that.

I smile, lean back, and then take another sip of Prosecco, unsure if I just dodged a bullet or created a bigger divide.

A divide I’ll never be able to cross.





5





LANDON


Ace used to be all intense about anyone coming t0 his penthouse, but apparently getting wifed up changed all that.

I’m in the elevator headed to the top floor of the Spades Royalle for our monthly poker game when my phone buzzes. Checking it, I see Geoffrey texting.

Great, earlier it was my father, and now him.

Geoffrey: Dad said he called. You coming home, for reals?

Me: Checking my schedule.

Okay, that isn’t true. One, I have no fucking schedule; I’m my own man. And two, no way in hell am I coming home to watch Geoffrey be crowned king of the Diamond empire.