The Outcast Dead(45)

Dead? Bob looks accusingly at Nelson. Dead? How? I dont understand.

Its looks as if she killed herself, says Nelson. Im sorry, Mr Donaldson.

Bobs reaction is depressing but not, to Nelson, unexpected.

You see, he says. She was guilty all along.



Judy, Darren and Michael are on the way to Southwold. There has been so much press interest in the case that Nelson has advised them to get away for a few days. Darrens parents, delirious with relief and also desperate to help, were only too happy to invite them to stay. Humans, thinks Judy, are remarkable creatures. She and Darren have just been through the worst experience of their lives. She feels as if she has plumbed the very depths of the human soul but here she is, sitting in the family car listening to Radio 2 with Michael in the back, almost as if nothing has happened. Michael seems quite content, holding his toy giraffe and humming to himself, just as if he hasnt spent three days being kept prisoner by a mad woman. Will he remember it? Judy wonders. Will the experience leave him scarred for life? Will it leave him with a terror of swings and a hatred of Chanel Number 5? She remembers how it had felt last night, smelling Danis perfume on her baby. When they got back to the house, the first thing she had done was to give Michael a bath. Then she had thrown the clothes he was wearing into the bin and dressed him in his well-worn blue pyjamas. Then she, Darren and Cathbad had watched their baby sleep.

I was surprised that Cathbad said he was leaving, Darren says as they drive along the seafront. What do you think hell do now?

I dont know, says Judy. Hes a free spirit, Cathbad.

Has he still got a place in Norfolk?

Hes got a caravan in Blakeney, says Judy, but I dont think hell go there.

Hes been a real support over the last few days.

Yes, he has.

Maybe hell catch up with that daughter of his?

Maybe.

Things like this, says Darren, they make you appreciate your family more.

Judy agrees that this is true and they drive in silence past the lighthouse and the pier and the multi-coloured bathing huts.



Cathbad and Ruth are also by the sea. Simon has taken the boys to see the seals at Blakeney and Ruth was alone when Cathbad appeared at her door just after nine. You look exhausted, she said. Why dont you have a few hours sleep? The spare beds made up.

I can sleep on the beach, said Cathbad. Right now I need fresh air.

So they had taken the path through the marshes to the sea. And now Cathbad lies stretched out on a blanket watching Kate build an elaborate sand monolith.

Its positively Neolithic, he says.

Its a tower, says Kate. Like in Rapunzel.

I used to have long hair like Rapunzel, says Cathbad.

Silly, says Kate, not looking up. Youre a boy.

Ruth looks out to the sea where a single wind-surfer is tacking across the horizon. She wants to ask Cathbad whether hes going back to Lancashire and what is happening with Judy. So far they have only talked about Michael, about how he appears to have emerged from the ordeal unscathed, albeit with two new words, Kate and Daddy. Ruth wants to ask which Daddy Judy will choose but she doesnt want to spoil the peace of the morning. Luckily, Cathbads sixth sense is still in working order.

Its up to Judy, he says now, shutting his eyes. Shes not happy with Darren but she feels guilty about him.

But  …  Ruth struggles to find the words. Do you want her to leave Darren? Do you want to  …  to set up home together? She cant imagine Cathbad in a nuclear family: Druid, mother and child. But Cathbad sits up and turns to her, his face touching in its intensity.

Its all I want. I want us to live together as a family. Me, Judy and Michael.

And Thing.

And Thing, of course. They have left Thing behind in the cottage as people on the beach tend to get twitchy about dogs, particularly bull terriers.

Cathbad flops back down on the blanket. Talk to me Ruth. Take my mind off it. Tell me a story.

So Ruth tells him about Mother Hook, about how she was convicted of killing the children in her care. She tells him that Frank thinks she was innocent and the tension on set between Corinnas black and midnight hag and Danis wronged childminder. Cathbad listens intently, propped up on one elbow, his eyes on her face. Kate, recognising Ruths story-telling voice, stops building and comes to sit on her lap.

Ruth tells Cathbad about the medallion, at present residing on her bedside table. She tells him about the diaries and The Book of Dead Babies. When she gets to the bit about Rowan will stand guard, he says, The rowan. The witchbane. The whispering tree. Its said to guard against vampires.
 
 

 

Thats all very well, says Ruth, But which rowan? There must be rowan trees everywhere.

Theres a Saint Rowan too, says Cathbad, who is always well informed about the saints. Its an anglicised version of the Gaelic name Ruadhan. It means little red haired one. I wonder if Joshua was red haired.

I dont know, says Ruth. Jemima doesnt say. Actually she may have meant the saint because she mentions Saint Michael too.

A fellow close to my own heart, says Cathbad. Is there a place where the saints could be watching over Joshua?

And Ruth thinks of the church at Saxlingham Thorpe and the stone saints, their faces worn away by the years.



When Forensics release Lizs letter, Nelson takes it to his office to read. Its a quiet day at the station. Judy is still on compassionate leave and Nelson has given Clough the day off. Theres only Tanya, sulkily writing up case notes, and Whitcliffe, wafting around on a high from so many press conferences. Tim, slightly put out at missing last nights action, has been on TV and radio all morning.

Nelson sits down at his desk and unfolds the single sheet of paper.

To whom it may concern (he reads),

I killed David. I couldnt bear life without Bob. I wanted him to come back to me. I thought that if David died Bob would come back because he felt sorry for me. So I put David down in his cot and I held a pillow over his face. It was all over so quickly and he looked so peaceful afterwards. But Bob didnt come back and now I know that Ill go straight to hell. Ill never see my babies again because theyll be in heaven. I didnt kill Samuel and Isaac. They were tragedies and everyone feels sorry for you when youve had a tragedy. I wanted Bob to feel sorry for me. I put the message on his facebook because I wanted it to be true. I wanted us to be together. I guessed his password because it was her name. I cant expect forgiveness but Im sorry. For everything.

Liz Donaldson (Mrs)

Liz Donaldson (Mrs). When it came down to it, that was all Liz had wanted to be: Mrs Liz Donaldson. It was all about the husband after all. Like Tim before him, Nelson cant see what there is in the colourless computer programmer to incite so many women to passion, even, it seems, to murder. But there must be something, because Liz Donaldson killed her child in a desperate attempt to regain her husbands love. Justine was prepared to denounce her former lover, maybe motivated by thwarted passion, and even Maddie, a young and beautiful school-girl, had succumbed to the unlikely lure of Bob Donaldson. He wonders what Liz meant by her name: Aliona or Justine or Maddie? And there was something odd about Lizs choice of Maddie as the person to discover her body, because that was surely what the early morning tryst was all about. Was this a way of punishing Maddie for her affair with Bob or simply because Liz had fond memories of the family for whom she used to babysit? Well, theyll never know now. Nelson sighs. Theyll have to drop charges against Bob and Nirupa Khan will probably threaten to sue. Theyd better release a statement today while everyone is still euphoric over Michael.

Nelson looks back at the letter. He was right about Liz Donaldson. There was a side to her that enjoyed her role as victim, as the blameless recipient of sympathy. He was also right about religion. Its there in every line of the letter, in the references to heaven and hell and forgiveness. He thinks of David, the little boy who was just learning to crawl. Never has being right given him less satisfaction.



Judy and Darren are on Southwold pier. Michael is at home with his doting grandparents. All around them, families are enjoying the old-fashioned delights of the penny arcade and the water clock. Its like a day trip to the Fifties, a homage to family fun. But Judy has brought Darren here to break up their family. He seems to know that something is wrong because he doesnt suggest a cream tea or a go on the coconut shy, he just shuffles along with his head down.

Darren, Judy grabs his arm. Ive got to talk to you.

Fancy some candyfloss? he says desperately.

Darren. Im sorry. Im in love with someone else.

They have reached the end of the pier and they stand in silence, watching fathers and sons fishing for crabs.

Who is it? Darren asks at last.

Cathbad.

Cathbad, Darren repeats incredulously. Are you sure?

Judy almost laughs. Of course Im sure.

Cathbad. I knew it was someone but I never thought  …

Judy stares at her husband. What do you mean, you knew it was someone?

I knew there was someone else, says Darren. Even before we got married, I sensed it. I knew you didnt feel the same about me anymore. I just hoped that it would fizzle out. And then, when you got pregnant, I thought it was a second chance for us. Then, when I saw little Michael  …

You knew he wasnt yours?

Darren winces. I wasnt sure. But he doesnt look like me, does he? He makes a gallant attempt at a joke. Hes much better looking than me. And hes not ginger.

I dont know about Michael, says Judy. I cant be sure  …

Ill always love him, says Darren. You know that, dont you?

I know.