Trust(40)

Outside, a cold breeze blew. An autumn wind.

"Thanks again for the flowers," I said, trying not to fidget.

"Sure."

"And for coming over."

A questioning look. "You didn't say, this morning. If you wanted to be serious."

"I don't want you to have to do this because of my mom and her new commandant status."

"Been thinking about that." He exhaled, leaning against the side of his car, watching me. All of the black paint and chrome shone in the moonlight. 

Across the road, someone slammed a door, cutting off a raised voice. Otherwise, it was quiet.

"And?" I asked.

"I figure we would have wound up there anyway." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Being a couple."

The way he said the word, as if he didn't entirely trust it. No wonder I wasn't convinced. I said nothing.

With a quick frown, he pushed off from the car, cradling my face in his hands. His lips met mine and just like that, everything was better. Mouths open, tongues stroking, my arms sliding around his waist. Kissing John was everything. Well, not everything everything. I wouldn't die without him. But all of me wanted him, my heart and my head and all of the rest. Without a doubt, he made life better.

"Please don't tell me I'm going to have to get my fucking forehead tattooed before you believe me," he murmured, teeth nipping my ear.

I burst out laughing. "But it would look so pretty."

"No." His body shook with silent laughter. "Not on my forehead, anyway."

"Fine." Tears welled, but I would not cry. I wouldn't. "I lo . . . umm . . ."

"Hey?"

Holy hell, what had I been about to say? No way could I just blurt out that I loved him even if I possibly did. Shit.

He nuzzled my neck, making my head swim and my body wake right the hell up. This time I ached in the right place.

Just for a moment, I was no longer the remnants of the hostage from the Drop Stop, jumping at shadows and flipping the bird to the future. It was just me and him, together. And that feeling swamped everything else.

"That's enough!" Mom hollered from the front door. Not humiliating at all.

John kissed me quick, keys freed from his pocket and jangling in one hand. "'Bye."

And all of a sudden I hated that word with a passion. Least favorite word ever. "Say ‘hi' to Anders for me. See you tomorrow."

The beast's engine revved and he gave me a parting grin, driving off at an extremely safe mom-proof speed. Smart of him, really. Best not to give her anything else to criticize.

"Did you arrange that, him turning up tonight?" she asked, arms crossed yet again. "Because in the future I'd prefer to have some advance warning."

"No, I didn't have a clue."

Eyes narrowed, she studied my face.

I just waited her out.

"Okay." The aggression faded from her face, the line of her mouth relaxing. "You know I just want you safe, right?"

"Yes, but John isn't a threat. And anyway, you can't protect me from the whole world."

She harrumphed.

I turned back to the street, though his car lights were long gone. My boyfriend. Crazy.

"Be smart, honey," she said. "You're young; there's going to be others."

"He came and he said he'd do anything you wanted," I said, staring her straight in the eye. "Mom, you have to give him a chance."

She held her hands up. "I'm giving him a chance. I invited him in for dinner, didn't I?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms tightly around me. I hugged her back.

"Next time, though, could we possibly have less cold war across the table?" I asked.

She sighed. "Fine."





Boxes of condoms started appearing the very next day. Mom was nothing if not efficient. And she sure as hell couldn't be described as subtle. In my bathroom, my bedside table, my schoolbag-they were pretty much everywhere. By Friday, I'd prepared myself to stage an intervention regarding her prophylactic habit. I'd even get Matt involved if necessary, since he'd proven to be silently supportive of me and John.



       
         
       
        

When we studied at my place Wednesday night, Matt stayed in Mom's room, working on his laptop. Apart from the bedroom door left open, we'd been given privacy. He didn't even come looking for me for at least half an hour after I walked my boyfriend out.

Just as well.

John had me backed up against his car with his mouth on mine. My hands had been all over him, because touching him just about topped my list of favorite things to do. Luckily the shrubbery blocked the neighbor's view of our soft-porn session.

John had talked with Matt about his pool table and a possible game sometime. He complimented Matt on my skills. I'd kind of forgotten how much I liked this one of Mom's boyfriends. Despite the associated drama, it was nice to have him around again.

But back to school. Thursday lunchtime, my week was going well.

"More rubbers?" asked John quietly, sitting beside me.

Not my choice that he knew about them. A box had fallen out of my bag while I was swapping books at my locker the day before. Having already found one box hidden in a pocket of my denim jacket that day, I'd thought I'd been safe. How very wrong.

Happily, John seemed mostly amused.

"Yeah." I closed my bag before anyone else could see. "I forgot to do my morning search while I was still in the car. Insanity. She's the one who needs to have a good, long talk with the therapist."

Around us, the usual noise and chaos of the cafeteria carried on. Thank God. Sophia and Carrie were absent today, off at a school newspaper meeting or something.

"It would take us years to use all of these," I said.

"Not years."

I bumped my knee into his underneath the table. Everything we did stayed out of sight and that suited me fine. Not a problem. "No?"

"No."

"It's nearly Saturday." I took a sip of my water, keeping my eyes on him.

"It is." He watched me right back, one of those almost smiles on his lips. "Party out on Old Cemetery Road, if you want to go?"

"You didn't want to go somewhere quieter?"

The way his jaw shifted, his gaze heating, gave me goose bumps.

"Just a thought. I mean, any party will only be starting by the time my curfew kicks in."

"We could go to a movie? You know I'm good for whatever you want to do," he whispered, moving in a little closer. "Not going to pressure you about sex, Edie. I think one of Anders's friends is having a party too, if you don't want to go to the field. Might get going a bit earlier. We've got options."

"Huh? What?" Anders's head shot up from where he'd been huddled with Hang, whispering God knows what in her ear. Given her wide eyes and the way she was biting her lip, I didn't want to know. Seemed to me, they were friends in the same way John and I had been. Friends on the verge of something. Hang denied it, but all the signs were there. 

"Throw some hoops?" asked Anders.

"Not yet."

"We're going to run out of time. Again. That's already happened twice this week." Turning to me, Anders scowled, heavy lines on his brow. "Just give him permission to go play already."

I scratched my cheek with my middle finger.

"It's like you have his dick on a leash or something. It's disgusting," Anders ranted, way louder than required. Though to be fair, I doubt he actually had another vocal setting.

"Shh!" I hissed.

John threw his empty soda can at him. "Shut it."

Anders caught the can with ease. "If this is what having a girlfriend is like, then I take it back, Hang. No relationship. Sorry, boo. We'll just have to keep using each other for sex and leave it at that."

"Are you joking?" I asked. When Anders didn't answer, I turned to Hang and asked again, "Is he joking?"

Staying right out of it, Hang bit into an apple.

"And anyway, it's not like that," I began. "John and I are just-"

"Oh, puh-lease," said Anders. "He's my best friend and you're . . . you. Don't lie to me."

Hang winced. "It is pretty obvious that you're together now."

"If Edie doesn't want people up in her business, that's the way it is." John checked his watch and then stood, picking his bag up off the floor. "Time for class."

Anders swore and stomped off after smacking a surprise kiss on Hang's cheek. The girl barely even bothered to look irritated about his open interest anymore.

"You think I don't want people knowing?" I asked.

John just shrugged. "Not a big deal."

Huh.

"History like mine, can't really blame you," he said, heading for the door.

"What?"

"Have a think about Saturday night and let me know what you're up for."

"John-"

He kept walking. "We're getting the grade on the paper today, right?"

"Yeah, I think so." I wandered along after him, Hang following close behind. Right on time, the bell rang out, getting everyone moving.

"Is John mad about something?" asked Hang.

"I don't know."

"It's just, he's usually next to you, you know," she said.

I watched his back disappear among the sudden crowd in the hall. "He thinks I don't want us public because of his history."