The Hazards of Sex on the Beach(35)

Oh my god. Had Chase seriously told her what happened? "Oh. I didn't think you'd heard about that."

"Len was the one who mentioned that detail. Don't worry, it didn't  change my opinion of you." She seemed to be reading my mind. Or maybe  she just understood that it's the last piece of information a girl wants  her boyfriend's mom to know.

"It was out of character for me. I wasn't sure what I was doing."

"But it all worked out in the end."

"It did." I smiled, thinking about how well it had worked out.

"Have you decided whether you'll be joining us at the lake in May? Chase said you'd be out of class and exams in time."

What? The lake? "Oh. We haven't discussed it yet."

"Really?" Carol looked surprised. "I told him to invite you over a month  ago. We have a place up on Lake George. We usually go for a few weeks  every summer. Chase loves it there. He practically grew up best friends  with the kids next door. Especially Ariana. Those two were inseparable."  Then she must have realized what she'd just said. "But that was ages  ago."

Ariana? The ex-girlfriend? My stomach dropped, and I could feel the  tears stinging. Here we go. The beginning of the end. But why bother  talking about me to his mom if he didn't want me to spend time with his  family? Maybe it was just to pacify her. She'd been on his back about  dating. "I guess it slipped his mind."

"That doesn't sound like Chase, but he has been busy lately."

Our salads were delivered, and I picked at mine. I had absolutely no  appetite, and all I wanted to do was get away from that table. Things  had gone from somewhat awkward to overboard with the revelation that  he'd "forgotten" to invite me.

As soon as the waiter approached, I took out a credit card, cursing myself for not having cash on me so I could leave faster.

"I have this." Carol handed her card to the waiter.

"No, we can split it."

Carol smiled. "My treat."

"Thanks so much for lunch, Mrs. Denton. It was nice meeting you." I stood up and grabbed my purse.

"Oh. Call me Carol. And it was a pleasure meeting you. I look forward to seeing you again soon."

"Same here." I forced one last smile before taking off down the sidewalk. Seriously? Had that just happened?

I walked two blocks before whipping out my phone to send Rachel a quick text. I hate you.

Yeah, it was probably immature, but I was angry for being put in that  situation. But then again, wasn't it good to know at least? With Aaron, I  wasted over a year of my life. Did I really want to do the same thing  again? I texted again. Hate was a strong word, and it wasn't her fault  that she had to leave. Still I wished she'd never called me over. I take  it back, I'm just not happy with you at the moment.

She didn't reply right away, so I continued my walk home.

The house was mostly empty, so I went right up to my room. Juliet was at her desk.

"Hey, how'd the venue shopping go? Find anything that worked?"

"Oh, yeah. We're all set." I'd completely forgotten about the reason I was away from campus to begin with.

She spun her chair around to look at me. "Are you okay?"

I sighed and took a seat on my bed. "I will be."

"Uh oh. What's up?"

"I met Chase's mom."

"Uh, what?"

"She was having lunch with Rachel and I ended up joining them."

"Was she awful?" Juliet sat down beside me.

"No, it's more what I learned."

"And what's that?"

"Chase was supposed to invite me to this family vacation thing in May."

"Isn't that good?" She pushed some of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear.

"It would have been if he'd actually asked. It turns out he was supposed  to ask weeks ago, and she assumed I was the one who wasn't giving a  response."

"Oh." Juliet pursed her lips. "What did Chase have to say about it?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing meaning he denied it, or nothing meaning you haven't talk to him?"

"The second one."

"Cara." She put a gentle hand on my arm. "You have to ask him. What if he had a good reason?"

"I don't want to deal with it right now. I have so much work to do it's  not funny." I also didn't mention the ex-girlfriend. She'd just tell me I  was uber sensitive to the topic.         

     



 

"Well, between eighteen credits, tutoring, and the radio show, I can't imagine why you're falling behind. Overextended much?"

I leaned back on my bed and groaned. "I know. I did this to myself."

"It's not that being busy is bad, I just don't want you overdoing it."

"You sound like my mom."

"Well, I'd want you worried about me if I overextended myself."

"You've worked part time since freshman year."

She lay down next to me. "Yeah, but my boss lets me get my school work done while on the clock."

"Considering you're sleeping with your boss, that works."

Juliet laughed. "And speaking of people you're sleeping with, call him.  Get his side of the story. Assuming things has never helped anyone."

"Yeah, yeah."

My phone dinged notifying me of a text. Juliet got up and grabbed my phone. It's him.

I took the phone from her. Hey, heard you lunched with my mom. Did she share embarrassing stories? ;)

I set the phone down.

"What? You're not going to reply to him?"

"I already told you. I can't handle it right now. I have to get my essay done for creative writing."

"Putting it off isn't going to help." Juliet walked over to her desk  again. "Besides, how can you even concentrate? You'll be more productive  if you call first."

"That's only true if the call goes well. If it doesn't, I'll be less productive."

"You're already assuming the worst. How would talking to him possibly mess you up more?"

"Thinking something is true is different than knowing it for certain."

Juliet packed up a few books. "I'm leaving so you can call with privacy. Call me if you want to talk afterward."

"I'm not calling."

"Yes, you are." She patted me on the shoulder. "And good luck with the essay."

"Thanks." I sat down at my desk and opened the top to my laptop. No  matter what Juliet said, I wasn't calling him. I'd much rather stay in  my little bubble and avoid the confrontation.

My phone dinged again. I tilted the screen to face me. You there, babe? I miss you.

I hadn't even set the phone aside before I got another text. This one  was from Rachel. Come on, Carol isn't that bad. It's good you got to  talk to her. I'm sorry for running out on you though.

I wasn't willing to ask Chase about it, but Rachel might be the right one to approach. Why wouldn't Chase invite me to the lake?

Because you have school?

I'm out in time. He knew that. He told his mom that.

Oh. I'll ask Riley.

No. Don't.

You sure?

Yes. I'll figure it out.

Just call him. I'm sure he has his reasons. Guys are weird like that.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Don't make a bigger deal out of this than it has to be. Chase is crazy about you.

Thanks.

Chase's next text came through at that moment. Did my mom scare you off? Did she start showing baby pictures or something?

I sighed and tossed my phone into my desk drawer. I needed some space  from everyone. I packed up my laptop and tossed in my wallet before  heading downstairs. The one place I wouldn't run into someone was the  library, so that's exactly where I went.

There was something freeing about being without my phone. It's like  somehow I was leaving the stress behind. Maybe there was something to be  said about the idea of unplugging. For the first time in years, no one  would have been able to get a hold of me.

I stopped to get a coffee before setting up at a table deep in the  stacks. I was feeling ridiculously anti-social, and I knew the only way I  was going to get the essay done was to be by myself. We were supposed  to be writing about identity, and after some thought, I knew exactly  what to write.

Identity. No one tells you how important this word is. They lecture you  about studying, and being nice, and giving back-but no one tells you  that you can't truly accomplish any of those things until you can define  yourself.

We all have one. Sometimes our perception of ourselves is so completely  distorted from reality, other times it's spot on. My problem with  identity is that in our world it's become more about what you do rather  than who you are. This makes it ever changing, and impossible to hold  onto.

I stopped typing. I'd have to rework the opening line, but it was a  start. It was more words than I'd had five minutes before. The prompt  had hit home with me more than any of the others. I felt like the entire  semester had been a constant struggle to figure out who I was. But the  reality was, it was all going to keep changing.         

     



 

Struck by ideas, I dove back into the essay. I'd been tentative about  taking a creative writing class focused on non-fiction, but in the end,  it was the right fit.

Two and a half hours later, I closed my laptop. I had a decent first  draft that I'd hopefully be able to whip into shape before Tuesday  night. I packed up my stuff and headed out. I tossed my half-full coffee  into the trash. I must have been really out of it to throw out  perfectly good coffee.