Shaking her head, she forced herself not to laugh. This was the most untraditional grovel ever, but it was perfect, because it was so very Holt. She almost didn’t want to say anything, because then he would stop. And he was saying the best things. “Holt…”
“Life is filled with choices that lead us down roads. And you know what sucks? The roads you don’t take never get explored. The choice I made the other day led me down a road I didn’t want to take.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t want to leave the road that we would have lived on untouched. I don’t want to be the other me, the one who let you leave. I want to be the me that keeps you by my side forever.”
Tears blurred her vision, and she bit down on her lip, letting him say his piece.
“And I know. I know I fucked up big. I chose the wrong fucking road.” He tapped his fingers restlessly. “I knew the second I sent you away that I was going to regret it, but I didn’t realize how much, and how fast.”
“Then why did you do it?” she asked, gripping the door tight.
“I already told you that. I thought I was being noble.” He lifted his hands, then let them fall. “I swear to never do that shit again. I’m not kidding. I’m not noble at all—I need you.”
Her lips twitched. “You do?”
“Yes.” He dragged a hand through his hair, and shoved his glasses back into place, his attention focused on something over her shoulder. “And you know what? For the life of me, I don’t know how the hell you can like that moment when Rose and the Doctor are separated forever by a fucking wall.”
She blinked. “It’s emotional, and heartbreaking, and—”
“Yeah, no shit. I learned that.” He kicked at a piece of crumpled paper in the hallway. He hadn’t stood still for more than two seconds at a time this whole speech. “Because when you wouldn’t open the car door, and all I could do was stare at you through the fucking window, I got to feel what he felt a little bit. Actually, I’m feeling it now, too.” He placed a hand on the door and glowered at it. “We’re still separated, and it fucking sucks. I’m sorry, Lyd. So sorry. But please, let me in.”
She tightened her grip on the door. Obviously, she was going to let him in. She’d missed him, and she wanted everything he wanted.
But she was scared, too, so she didn’t move right away.
He dropped his head on the door. “I will not give up, damn it. You can lock me out. You can refuse to answer my calls. You can burn the teddy bears and flowers I send you in a barrel.”
“I wouldn’t burn—”
“But nothing, I repeat, nothing, will stop me from showing you that I…I…” He paled and lifted his head, locking gazes with her. “I love you, Lydia. I know it’s fucking crazy, and it’s only been a few days, really, but I saw my life with you and without you, and I want you back. Please give me another chance to make it right. To love you right. You said if I knocked, you’d always let me in. I’m knocking.”
She blinked back tears and opened the door, not saying a word. She didn’t need to, really, but she opened her mouth and tried anyway. “I—”
Eyes blazing with determination, he took one step forward before she started speaking, then another when she did. By the third, she was in his arms and his mouth was on hers, taking away all ability to speak. His mouth melded to hers, and he closed his arms around her, holding her tightly against his chest.
And she’d never felt so safe, so cherished, before.
He backed her out of the way, and kicked the door shut behind them. As soon as it latched, he picked her up and set her against it, stepping between her legs. Groaning, she wrapped them around him and swirled her tongue around his. As they kissed, he arched his hips, pressing against the spot she needed him most.
Breaking off the kiss with a moan, he dropped his forehead on hers. “I didn’t come here just for this. I came here because I don’t want to live without you. Because I need you to be happy.”
“I know.” She cupped his cheeks, smiling up at him. Slowly, she removed his glasses and set them on the table by the door. “I don’t want to live without you, either.”
He swallowed hard. “You don’t?”
“No. Because…” She leaned in and kissed him gently, pulling back before she got too distracted by the feel of his lips on hers. “I love you, too. Have since probably day one, but I didn’t want to admit it. I thought you’d never feel that way about me, so I shut it down. Ignored it all.”
His eyes turned bluer than the ocean on a sunny, summer day. And the smile he gave her was as warm as the shining sun. “Seriously?”