And then he kissed her again.
Chapter Fourteen
An hour later, Lydia curled up with Holt in bed and yawned. After what they’d just done, she’d be limping for a few days, to say the least. But she’d be limping with a huge smile on her face. And maybe a sore butt cheek…
But again. Totally worth it.
She stared at her phone, nibbling on her lower lip. She’d finally come to a decision…mostly. She wasn’t going to take the job in Delaware. Yes, it was a wonderful opportunity. One she was lucky to have. But she didn’t want to live in Delaware.
Didn’t want to leave her family.
Steven had been overseas fighting for the past five years, and she’d barely seen him during that time, had never known if he was alive or dead…or worse, captured. Now he was back, and he wasn’t going anywhere. So why would she want to move away and miss out on being with him? He was the only family she had left. She didn’t want to leave him, no matter how great the opportunity might be.
Plus, even though she and Holt were just starting out, she did like him. She wouldn’t stay for him, but staying here would let her get to know him better.
Holt was simply the icing on the cake.
“You all right?” Holt asked, kissing the top of her head. “You’re being quiet. That’s an anomaly all by itself, but you’re also sighing.”
“I’m fine. Just…thinking.”
He tugged on a piece of her hair. “About…?”
“Us. Life. Choices.” She rested her chin on his chest and studied him, her concentration turning to his scars. “All sorts of things, really.”
He followed her line of vision, a frown coming over his face. “Like my scars.”
“Well, yeah.” She blew her hair out of her face. “It’s something I think about. I’m not going to lie. Not the scars, per se, but the things that caused them…and the ones I can’t see.”
He stiffened. “They’re just marks from war. Nothing else.”
“I know.” She bit down on her lower lip. “But they are more. I can see the shadows that haunt you. I’m not blind, you know.”
“Yeah, and they’re going to stay where they belong—behind me. Buried and hidden and mine. Just mine.” He shifted away from her, both mentally and physically. “They come with the nightmares, and the headaches, and the episodes.”
She knelt beside him, refusing to back down. “I know. And it’s all a part of you.”
“Yeah, the bad parts,” he muttered. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you want to fix me.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I can’t be fixed with a tender conversation and a kiss. This is me. This is what you get. The good and the bad.”
“I know that,” she said, pressing her mouth into a tight line. “I wasn’t implying I could fix you. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think you need to be fixed at all.”
He snorted. “Yeah, you do. That’s a lie.”
“I think you should tell people about your migraines, but that’s about it.”
He glowered at her. “So I can get fired for being unable to do my job properly? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.”
“You might not get fired, though.” She curled her hands in her lap, forcing herself to remain still, because he kept pulling away from her when she pushed too hard. “Maybe, just maybe, your boss would understand, and give you time off when you needed it. If you rested when the episodes started up, instead of working through them, I bet they’d be more manageable. And you just might be more useful to him in the long run.”
“I’m sure they would be very manageable,” he said sarcastically. “Because I’d be out of a job half the month. Something tells me that Cooper, no matter how understanding he might be, wouldn’t be okay with that. Just…just leave it, Lyd.”
She held her hands up. “Fine. But you act like your condition is something to be ashamed of. Like your injuries are this awful thing you have to hide.”
“Because they are.” He stood up and grabbed his pants, stepping into them angrily. “You have no idea what I went through. What I did.”
“You’re right. I don’t, because you’ve told me in no uncertain terms that you’ll never talk to me about it. And that’s fine. I would never force you to talk about something if you didn’t want to.” She crossed her arms, watching him dress. “But you can’t throw it in my face how I don’t understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”