Somebody Else's Sky (Something in the Way #2)(42)

And still, she made me so fucking mad, demanding answers, pushing me places I didn't want to go, wearing an outfit that'd rouse a dead man. If just being in her presence was enough for me to feel the blood rushing through my veins, having anything more with her would be too explosive. I couldn't do explosive. Not with my history. I'd destroy everything good about her . . .

I looked up at a noise in the doorway. In a terrycloth robe, Tiffany held a glass of water and a Domino's box. "It's half pepperoni, half Meatlovers. I wasn't sure what you like."

I swallowed thickly. That small gesture brought me back to where I should be-to this bedroom, to Tiffany. It'd been so long since anyone had taken care of me. Had made me a monster sandwich or explained the constellations to me or put a roof over my head. Over the years, those I thought I'd taken care of had actually been taking care of me. "Thanks, babe," I said and meant it. "It's perfect."

She smiled a little and came into the room. "You look hot."

"A little."

She set the stuff down and flipped a switch for the overhead fan. On her way back to me, she pulled a bottle from her robe pocket. "I took this from the house for you. It's the bourbon my dad drinks, so it must be good."

I looked longingly at the liquor. I could count on one hand the sips of alcohol I'd gotten behind bars, and I fucking missed it. "Wish I could, but I have that meeting with the parole officer at three. What time is it?"

"Noon."

"Fuck. Normally by this time, I'd have already had breakfast, lunch, and worked half a day."

She played with the bedsheet. "You were so tired. I didn't want to wake you."

I kept my half-smoked cigarette in hand and chugged the water in one go.

"We're not supposed to smoke in here," she said.

I shook my head. "Have to be able to smoke if I'm gonna stay here, Tiff. I can't not do it."

She sighed. "All right. We might have to disable the fire alarm."

"Yeah." I sighed at my cigarette. I didn't want to set off the alarm and have to get up just yet. I dropped it in the remains of the water. "Didn't think of that."

She took a paper plate from the top of the pizza box and lifted the lid. "How's pepperoni sound?"

"After sex, a good night's sleep, and a cigarette, exactly what I need."

She gave me a slice. "Good," she said flatly.

"Was it too much last night?" I asked, worried I'd scared her. "You have to tell me if it's too much."

She smiled. "It was great. It's just that we, like, didn't kiss very much."

I set the paper plate on the nightstand. "C'mere."

She leaned in. I took her by the back of her neck and pecked her mouth a few times. It wasn't enough to thank her for what she'd already given me, but I had to ease into any kind of intimacy. Tiffany and Lake were worlds apart in my eyes, but I couldn't ignore their physical similarities, and I didn't want to imagine Lake during this part. Not even for a second. After I locked Lake into another part of my brain, I kissed Tiffany for real, as a boyfriend would his girlfriend.

When she pulled back, I focused on things that were unique to Tiffany, the way her nose turned up a little at the end, or the unusual, icy shade of her eyes. She had freckles, dark little ones around her chest and face, including a faint one that could've been a beauty mark.



       
         
       
        

"This is nice," she said softly. "I like to see you."

She didn't deserve to feel like I didn't care. I'd have to make more of an effort to show her that. "Thanks for all you did. Coming to the arraignment when you didn't have to. Dealing with my landlord, the truck, my furniture. I won't forget it." She'd gone above and beyond for me. I'd told Grimes to give her my things, but I'd pretty much expected her to turn them down. Instead, she'd stepped up to the plate. "And you can kiss me, you know. You don't have to wait for me to do it."

"I . . ." She looked into my eyes. "I love you."

"I know." Unfortunately for her, I wasn't really capable of returning it. I had lost Maddy, my entire family even, at an age when I was learning what love was. Maybe one day, with the right person, I would've figured out how to move past that, but not after what I'd seen inside. I was pretty sure I'd never let myself get too deep with anyone now. People were fucked. Life was fucked. If I loved someone, they could be taken away from me at any time.

It was a lesson I'd had to learn twice, and no way in hell would there be a third.