Sirens in Bliss(44)

“Yeah, they think that’s worse than being gay, which is the other thing they call me.” He took her hands in his. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to fight about the gas rights. Baby, the company that’s offering is known for being sloppy and, honestly, I don’t want to take the chance that we could make a quick million but lose the land in the end. Ranching is our future.”

“But all this time I thought I was going to cost us the land.”

“Baby, the mayor might enjoy screwing Karen, but he’s not about to let her make decisions like that. He didn’t marry her for her brain. He married her because she’s thirty years younger than him. She was always a mean bitch. She probably heard what he was planning and decided to make herself look like she had some power. How long has this been going on?”

“That bitch.” She felt so stupid. “Months, Aidan.”

“Months? Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” She threw back at him.

“Because you’re both impossibly stubborn and obnoxious.” Lucas sat the plate in front of her. “And you’re both going to change or we’re going to fall apart. Lexi, what was your plan to save the ranch and how did it involve being on the phone twenty-four seven?”

He knew her really well. “I was going to up my writing so we would have the money to fight this or I could buy us new land.”

Aidan shook his head. “Baby, do you know how much new land would cost? I know you make a lot of money, but you don’t make millions and that’s what it would take. Lexi, I don’t know what you were thinking.”

“I was thinking I didn’t want you to know how stupid I was. I was thinking I would try to save us. But you and Lucas had already done it and not even bothered to tell me something was wrong.”

“That sounds a whole lot like the pot calling the kettle black,” Aidan shot back. “You’ve kept us at arm’s length for months because you weren’t willing to talk about what had happened. I might not have been totally truthful with you, but I didn’t push you away.”

“Really?” Lucas asked, passing the plate to her. “Eat, Lexi. If you don’t, I’ll pull you over my knee. I haven’t topped you in almost a year. Between the pregnancy and this episode, I haven’t gotten what I needed in a very long time, so I wouldn’t test me now.”

Her heart ached a little. She’d known that Lucas was hurting and she’d still held him away. She took the sandwich he’d made her and had a bite.

“As to you, Aidan, you can’t say you haven’t held yourself apart from me. How long did it take you to ask me for advice? How many weeks went by?”

Lexi looked back at Aidan. “You didn’t talk to Lucas?”

They always talked. She couldn’t stand the thought of Aidan feeling so alone—the way she’d felt for months.

“I thought I could handle it.” Aidan took a long breath.

The same way she had thought she could handle it.

“I’m tired of both of you,” Lucas said. “I’m tired of being ignored. When I have a problem, I come to you. I’ve asked your opinion on everything from what car to buy to how to handle the human resources problems at the Dallas office. I didn’t do that because I thought the two of you knew everything. I did it because I trust you and love you and I need you to know what’s happening in my life. Neither one of you feels the same about me.”

“Or we’re just very stupid,” Lexi tried.

Lucas shrugged a little. “Either way, it has to change. I’m not saying I’ll leave. I can’t. We have two children who depend on me. But I will change my expectations of what our relationship means. I’ll hold myself apart. I don’t want that. I want what was promised to me. I want my family. Make your decisions. I’m going to go and think for a while.”

“Lucas,” Aidan called out as he turned to go.

Lucas didn’t turn around. “No. If you want me, you’ll know where to find me. Don’t come looking if you can’t be my Master.”

He walked out the door, his boots ringing against the hardwood floors.

“He doesn’t mean that.” She couldn’t let Aidan get mad at Lucas.

Aidan sat back against the bed. “Yes, he does. He has every right to be mad, Lexi. We failed him.”

The “we” gave her a little hope. Something had settled deep in her chest. Something that had been tight and nasty had loosened up. “I didn’t fuck everything up?”

Aidan chuckled a little. “Oh, I think we fucked up plenty. Lexi, why didn’t you talk to me?”

He pulled her back into his arms. Those big biceps surrounded her, and just for a moment, she felt safe. He’d heard the truth and he wasn’t pushing her away. “She has power over us. She can make life difficult for us and I still got pissed off.”

“You should have clocked the bitch,” Aidan replied.

She shook her head. “I can’t get us kicked out.”

Oh, god. She’d never really thought about it that way. She’d had her daughter and then she’d done something that could have cost them the ranch and her whole childhood had played out in some weird place in the back of her brain.

She’d always felt it. She’d felt the fact that she was the reason her mother had lost her home. She’d been the reason they had struggled and her mother had to fight for their existence. She’d been the reason her mother had married a man she liked but didn’t love.

She couldn’t be the reason her daughter got kicked out. She couldn’t be the reason her son lost his home.

“Oh god, Aidan. What was I thinking?”

His arms tightened. “Baby, baby, I know what’s going on in that head of yours, but it’s wrong.”

“I can’t be the reason we fail.” Tears pierced through her.

“Baby, we’re not failing.”

“I can’t lose our home. I can’t get us kicked out. I can’t do it again.”

Aidan sighed, pulling her so close she could barely breathe. “Lexi, that’s not going to happen. Baby, we’re going to be fine. No one can throw us off our land. I won’t allow it. Your momma was all alone. She didn’t have anyone to help her. You can’t think it was your fault.”

“She got kicked out because of me. What if I do the same thing to Chelsea? To baby Jack?”

Aidan forced her to turn around. “How do you feel about your mother, Lexi? Are you angry with her?”

Lexi shook her head. “Of course not. She’s the strongest woman I know.”

“Why? Why is she so strong? And don’t bullshit me, because I can get her over here in a heartbeat.”

Lexi let her tears flow. “She’s strong because she loved me.”

Her mother hadn’t faltered. She’d been seventeen years old, barely out of high school, and pregnant and alone. She’d managed to pull herself up and put herself through school. She’d taken care of them both. She’d educated herself.

Because she’d loved Lexi.

“I can’t be as strong as my momma.”

“You don’t have to be.” Aidan kissed her brow. “Baby, she doesn’t have to be anymore and I bet your mother would say she’s thrilled about that. You and I have been giving into our childhoods. You’re trying to be your momma and I’m trying to make up for everything my father didn’t give me. Lucas is the only one who’s fighting it.”

Because Lucas had been ignored. He’d been marginalized and he was standing up to the people he loved because he wouldn’t be that way again. He wouldn’t walk away because that man would never leave his children, but he would stand up for himself.

“I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to hide things from you. I was stupid, Aidan.”

“No. Like I said, you should have clocked her. I have plans for her. Maybe it’s time to really unleash Lucas’s inner bastard and let him take that bitch down. Let Lucas be the man he wants to be.”

She smiled a little. “But he wants to be Jack.”

Her stepfather was known for being a man no one wanted to cross.

“Exactly. I’m not as smart as Lucas. I tend to fight my way through life when he can finesse it, and sometimes revenge requires finesse. I love you, Lexi. You’re not capable of finesse. You’re capable of tossing a bowl of punch over someone’s head. I’m capable of punching someone. Lucas is capable of taking apart someone’s life in such a way that no one even knows he did it.”

That summed up her dad. “I love you all so much. I don’t want to fail you.”

“Lexi, baby, you can’t fail us. We’re your family. The only way you fail is by walking away. Don’t walk away.” Her Master had tears in his eyes. He stared down at her like she was precious and she was. When he looked at her like that, she knew she was loved. Only a few humans in the world ever looked at her like that. Her husbands. Her mother. Her children.

Her family.

She couldn’t fail them. Like her mother couldn’t fail her. She’d been righteously strong, and she’d gained that strength from loving her child. Even though she didn’t need to be strong now, her love for Jack and Sam made her that way.