Carter flinched back, expression shuttering. Jeremy wasn't sure if it was because he'd caught himself or because Jeremy hadn't exactly come out to Carter in so many words before, and there wasn't another way to take what he'd just said.
Carter opened his mouth to say something, no doubt to tell Jeremy to fuck himself- which he richly deserved- but Sarah's voice floated up the stairs. "Carter, your mom is calling."
Carter scowled and mumbled something like, "Two swift kicks in the nuts at once." And he was gone with heavy footsteps on the stairs and a not-quite-but-almost slam of the door.
Jeremy felt like a dick. A huge one. Part of him was still mortified over what Carter had seen years ago. Another part of him wanted to fuck Carter over his dad's desk. Then the last part of him, the self-preservation part, said that nothing with Carter could ever be just sex, if he was being honest with himself. He was giving himself whiplash over this guy, so he couldn't imagine how Carter might be feeling.
He grabbed his phone from the charging dock on the counter of his kitchenette. He typed out and sent the message before he could think on it too much.
Then he'd had enough of this day. He stripped and went the fuck to bed.
5
Carter was glad to see his embarrassing display either hadn't been as obvious as he'd thought or that Jeremy had chosen to overlook it. He was pretty sure Jeremy had been teasing with that whole flirting thing, because that seemed to be Jeremy's natural state. It'd definitely been a way to cover that the moment had obviously gotten too heavy. Though, he really wished they had cleared up that "straight boy" nonsense.
He'd meant what he said to Jeremy. He thought what Jeremy was doing was awesome. Their band was solid and Jeremy was a wonderful musician. He'd been mortified at how Jeremy's parents reacted to his question. He didn't understand them at all. He did get that Jeremy had been a pain in the ass with his rich boy angst as a teen, but wow. It still seemed extreme.
When he'd seen Jeremy's text when he got off the phone with his mother, he'd been glad he'd made the leap and tried to rekindle their friendship. Thank you. That was all it had said. No matter how bad Carter wanted Jeremy, he'd missed their once upon a time friendliness-even if they hadn't been the best of friends because he'd just been Jeremy's baby sister's friend.
He felt like that night had been a turning point, though. Sarah had been bitching about their dad being a dick early the next morning as she and Carter fed horses and checked salt licks-he'd been serious about earning his keep-when Jeremy came in with a tired smile, passed them each a coffee and started pitching in. Sarah had given Carter a surprised but delighted looked behind Jeremy's back that still made Carter smile.
That afternoon, Jeremy had stopped by to say a quick hello and spot Carter while he worked out in the gym before Carter went to his bag and Jeremy to his pool. And Jeremy had come again this morning, teasing a little more.
Carter didn't see Jeremy during his workout at all that night. He tried not to be disappointed, because that'd be silly as hell. But he liked having Jeremy's attention again. Even if it was platonic.
It should stay platonic.
He would keep telling himself that until he believed it.
He continued taking his frustration out on the punching bag and the treadmill and whatever machine he could find. He would be back in New York eventually, and he would be officially out, so he could get rid of a lot of the bullshit tension in his veins then.
He chalked most of his wanting to sit on Jeremy's face up to the fact that he really probably needed to sit on anybody's face. Twenty-two years was longer than most every guy he knew had gone without more than a hand or a mouth with a fellow closet case.
Carter's shoulder muscles were a little too tense that night for the bag, so he thought he might get in the whirlpool for a while. When he got out, he had to walk through the pool room. That was where he found Jeremy, whose cock was thankfully covered by a towel, but that was about it.
Jeremy turned his head slowly toward Carter as Carter exited the whirlpool room. "Yo," Jeremy said lazily.
Then he took a drag off the pungent joint he was holding. He smiled as he blew out a puff of smoke and scratched his flat belly while he reclined in one of the folding chairs that were set out all around the pool. He held out the joint to Carter, who shook his head, declining. He'd smoked pot once or twice, but he always giggled too much and then passed out wherever he was, and he would like to maintain a little dignity in front of Jeremy.
Jeremy must have mistaken Carter's scowl for disapproval because he started explaining, "Oh, if it bothers you, I can put it out. I don't really think grass is like...a thing, though. If you're thinking about drugs and all."
Carter laughed at the very stoned way Jeremy said that. "Uh, no. I don't have a problem with pot." He really didn't. He hadn't even thought of that. "I am just really lame when I smoke. I'll fall asleep."
"Cool." Jeremy leaned back in his chair again. "There's beer in the fridge. I don't know why. I'm the only one ever out here."
"You've said that before."
Jeremy huffed a laugh and the relaxed, peaceful expression on his face was fucking adorable. And Carter really shouldn't stay for that beer.
"Come on," Jeremy goaded, hooking his foot under the chair close to him and pulling it nearer. "Take a load off."
Fuck it. The dude was high. Carter didn't figure he could possibly embarrass himself in front of someone who was stoned.
He went to the fridge in the corner of the room, and boy, had Jeremy been right. Aside from cases of water, the fridge held a few different kinds of beer. Tons of it. He grabbed a can of a brand he liked okay and when a whole six pack came with it, he shrugged and took them all. Sarah was gone to her school for the night, so it was just him and Jeremy. Why not kick back and enjoy? Just the two of them, just tonight.
Carter sat in the chair Jeremy had pulled over. They sort of faced each other, so Carter allowed himself to enjoy the view of Jeremy's long, bare torso with its shaved bare skin covered in several tattoos. He wanted to ask about them, but didn't know if that was a thing.
They sat silently for a moment, Jeremy toking a couple more times, Carter finishing a beer. The sounds of the water lapping in the pool from the jets and the humming of the heating unit was all that could be heard. It was a companionable, comfortable silence. Carter couldn't remember feeling quite as relaxed in such a long time.
"So what's new?" Jeremy asked after Carter had opened his second beer. He was a lightweight because he didn't drink often, so his head had a pleasant lightness.
"Well. Same old, same old." Carter waved a hand, indicating the gym.
Jeremy snorted as he licked his thumb and forefinger and used them to put his half-finished joint out, declaring that was enough. "No, I meant life. I know it's probably not something you want to talk about, but my parents are so fucking awkward avoiding topics. I figure I may as well just say I saw the shit with your folks."
Carter sighed. "That's a shit show if there ever was one." Carter sipped on his beer again.
"That why you came to stay here?"
"Yeah, I just..." Carter sighed. "I watch my ass so close." Jeremy snorted and Carter rolled his eyes.
"Sorry, sorry. Go on."
"No. It's dumb. I just … when they told me ‘keep it in your pants' and ‘don't do anything you wouldn't want everyone to know,' I took that shit serious, you know?" Jeremy looked perplexed. "I was fucking paranoid. From the moment we got to D.C., it was drilled in my head how much people were watching. What happens when you mix someone with social anxiety and threats of public embarrassment? You get a hermit."
"But you did the whole Army thing, and you've boxed and shit," Jeremy pointed out.
"Dude. It's been drilled in my brain. I can't help it. And I'm a spaz. Yes, I'm more confident in general, but the paranoia doesn't just go away." Carter didn't know why his mouth was on autopilot.
As he finished his last beer, it slowly dawned on him in the way things do with someone who was buzzed that the beer was making his mouth run on autopilot.
"Er. Sorry. Anyway. Why'd you take time off from the band?"
Jeremy sat up, smiling and shaking his head. "No way. You're blushing. What's this?"
"It's nothing."