It was a little frightening to be carried off by someone she didn’t know, but she managed to push down the panic. Paul always said good things about New Species. He had told her dozens of times that they were way better than regular people, that there was no crime amongst New Species, and that they were honorable. Her brother’s words rang through her mind as she took slow, steady breaths. Mourn probably didn’t realize it wasn’t appropriate to carry her off into the night.
“Where are we going?” She turned her head and stared as the dim lights from Paul’s back patio grew more distant. He lived right next to a park. She hadn’t explored it so wasn’t sure how large it was.
“You’re safe with me,” Mourn whispered. “I’m just taking you far enough away for privacy without the officers finding us.”
Dana lowered her voice. “Okay. Are they searching for you?”
He uttered a low growl. She took the frustrated sound as a yes.
The wind blew harder in the open area without the house to block some of it. Her robe was silky and paper thin. It was also short, reaching just to mid-thigh. A lot of her bare legs were exposed, but she wasn’t worried that Mourn would leer at them. He’d lost the woman he loved and grieved her loss. He wasn’t some creep. He was in mourning.
He stopped and turned, carrying her toward the dark shape of a low-hanging tree. When they reached it, he bent and gently placed her on the lowest branch, just a few feet from the grass. She released his neck and adjusted her robe. He crouched in front of her so they were face level.
“Does it get better? I feel so much pain.”
The anguished tone of his voice killed the last of her fears. “Yes. When did you lose her?”
“She was ill for a long time and lingered. She died months ago.” He paused, keeping his face in the shadows so she couldn’t see his expression. “The pain doesn’t ease, and I’m angry.”
“At her,” she guessed. “She left you. It’s normal.”
“No.” He snarled. “The humans made her sick. They tested drugs on her that destroyed her internal organs. She couldn’t recover, even on the healing drugs. They just kept her alive longer. She fought hard to live, or she would have died sooner. She was brave.”
Dana guessed it had something to do with Mercile Industries. She’d read enough about the pharmaceutical company to know they’d done horrible things to New Species, and had used them as test subjects for their experimental drugs. That’s why they’d created them. “Were the ones who did that to her arrested?”
“They were caught.” He lowered his tone. “It didn’t help. I’m still enraged.”
“I don’t blame you. That’s normal too.” She wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged her middle. The chilly breeze seemed to blow right through her robe. “So is the guilt that I’m guessing you feel because she suffered. My husband clung to life, regardless of the pain he was in. He didn’t want to leave me. I think he fought so hard to keep breathing every day just because he knew I’d be devastated when he died. He had cancer and it spread to his liver, kidneys and lungs.”
Mourn kept silent.
“I feel guilty,” she offered. “It would have been so much easier if he’d just accepted the pain medication near the end and stopped submitting to every treatment they wanted to try. We both knew it wouldn’t work, but neither of us wanted to face that. It was too heartbreaking. How can you give up when you know you’re about to lose the person you love most in the world? That’s what we were both thinking.”“She asked me to end her suffering many times, but I couldn’t do it,” he rasped. “I kept hoping she’d get better. We were engineered to be stronger than humans, and we heal fast. She wasn’t weak, but they’d hurt her too much for her to recover.”
“I’m so sorry, Mourn. Sometimes a body can only take so much. We are all mortal. You didn’t want to give up hope. That’s a part of loving someone. You just have to remember how much she loved you, and that even the strongest will to survive can’t always defy death. It sucks ass, I won’t lie, but the pain will fade over time. It will always be there, but it won’t be the stabbing sensation it is now, like someone is shoving a knife through your heart and twisting it. That’s how I felt right after Tommy died.”
“You’re cold.” He grasped the bottom of his shirt, pulled it over his head and handed it to her. He wore nothing under it. The moonlight revealed his upper body. He had a wide chest and massive biceps. The white bandage on his arm was stark against his tan. “Wear this. It will fit over what you have on.”
She hesitated. “You’ll be cold.”
“I’m fine. Wear it.”
She only hesitated for a second because she wasn’t as hardy. The material was thicker than her robe and warm still from his body when she pulled it over her head and tugged it down. He was right, it was large enough to go over her pajamas and the robe. “Thank you. Tell me if you get cold, and I’ll give it back.”
“I feel that knife,” he admitted.
“It does get better. You have to release some of the anger and guilt. I kept hold of it as though it were a shield against the world. I needed it. People never looked at me the same way after Tommy died. I hated the pity and the whispers. I went from being Dana to becoming that poor soul who lost her husband.”
He accepted that with a nod. “The others pity me.”
“It makes it worse. I know. I don’t pity you. You survived her death. That makes you strong. Some people just call it quits. They hole up inside their homes and never leave. They stop living altogether. I don’t agree with how you interact with other people though, if you’re initiating fistfights with big guys who are mean enough that you to think they could hurt you. It might be a good idea to rethink that plan, and start talking instead.”
He shrugged. “The fighting helps me with the anger.”
“You came to see me. That’s a step in the right direction. As I said earlier, I’d be the last person to pick a fight with, because I won’t hit back.”
“It would kill you.”
She smiled, not afraid in the least. His race was made up of strong, big guys. “Probably. Have you tried to talk to other New Species who have lost their mates? It might help.”
“They don’t discuss it. Few had mates. Most of them who did lost them when we were still in captivity. It’s too painful for them to speak about the past.”
“There’s grief counseling available. It helped me when I was ready to face my loss head on. I’m sure the NSO could bring someone in for private sessions.”
“I don’t want to speak to a head shrink. I hate them.”
His tone revealed his anger. The experience must have been a bad one. She understood. “You could go to group sessions somewhere close by. There would be a therapist on hand if needed, but mostly it’s just people talking to each other, sharing their pain and how they are dealing with everything.”
“Humans,” he rasped. “No.”
“I’m not a pork chop,” she gently reminded him. “You’re talking to me. Those support groups are for all the people who have lost loved ones. Their race doesn’t matter. We’re all the same inside. We hurt.”
“You’re Paul’s sister. He’s Species to us.”
She liked being included, in a roundabout way. It also touched her that her brother was considered family by the people he had decided to live with. “I could extend my visit if you want to keep talking to me.” She might lose her job, but she didn’t love it anyway. It was just something to get her out of the house every day so she didn’t sink back into hiding from the world. Her mother would have a fit, but she didn’t really care about that either. “I’d be happy to stay for as long as you want.”
“You could do that?”
“Yes. I’m lucky enough to have some savings. My husband wanted to make sure I was taken care of. I’m not dependent on a paycheck to make my bills.”
“I could see if the NSO will pay you for being here.”
“It’s not needed.” She studied Mourn. He was a large, intimidating guy, but he had a good heart. “But thank you. I’ll extend my stay if you will talk to me.” A blast of wind hit her, and she shivered. “Perhaps indoors next time though, when I’m not dressed for bed.”
“You’re tired?”
“No. I don’t sleep so well. That brings the dreams.”
“I don’t like sleep either.”
“What do you usually do at night?”
“I run or work out. It helps to push my body to the limit until I’m exhausted. I don’t dream then.”
That accounted for how muscular he was. “Why did you get into a fight today? I got the impression it’s something you do on a regular basis.”
“I’m hoping they will kill me.”
She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of the best thing to say.
“I’ll be deemed unstable and a danger to others. It’s possible that the NSO will put me down.”
It horrified her. “I’m sure they wouldn’t.”