I mean it when I say ‘Ti Amo Con Tutto Il Mio Cuore.' I really do love you with all my heart. Every beat seems to echo your name. I am so broken and I miss you so much it is a physical ache in the pit of my stomach. I want to be your always, so if and when you are ready to let me show you these things instead of just saying the words, then you bring that teddy back to me. Until then, keep him safe and know that I am waiting.
Love you,
Grey xxxx
I couldn't help the tears that fell and blurred the words a little in some places. I sat clutching the teddy and the letter to my chest as heaving sobs took me over.
My tears dried and turned into anger. Anger that Grey could send me this letter and teddy and expect me to feel something, when all the while he had Maggie at home. She would be so hurt if she found out any of the things that had gone on. There are some things you can call me, but ‘home wrecker' isn't one of them. I made a vow to myself there and then to ignore Grey for however long he was at home. I wouldn't serve his table if he came to the restaurant. I would ignore any texts, calls, emails, and letters-anything he did to try and contact me.
I got up and decided to spring clean the house-again. I needed a distraction from his beautiful words and the way they chipped away at my resolve. My head was saying one thing, meanwhile, my heart was melting.
I found my rubber gloves and cleaning supplies, shoved the teddy to the back of my wardrobe, and put the letter in the bottom drawer. I put my iPod in the dock and selected shuffle so that I could get on with the chores to music-I found it always helped.
As I cleaned the house from top to bottom, no nook or cranny missed, one of my favorite songs came on-Aerosmith's ‘I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.' This song had been one of a few that Grey had decided was ‘our song' over the years. We'd been to see Armageddon together and when this song played, Grey had whispered in my ear that the song was a perfect way of describing how he felt about me. A few stray tears made their way down my cheeks so I wiped them away with the back of my hand.
A shout from downstairs got my attention.
"CARLY!" came Jodie's voice. I turned the music off and went down to greet her.
"Hey," I said as I walked into the hallway. I saw the look on her face was one of pure joy. This was either good news, gossip, or both.
"Hey yourself. Hope you don't mind me letting myself in, I tried knocking and ringing the doorbell but you obviously couldn't hear me over your music."
"It's why I gave you a key, girl. So spill, what's got you smiling from ear to ear?" I said with a smile.
"It's about Matt and me. Can we grab a coffee?" The smile on her face gave me an inkling as to what was going on, they'd got to be an official ‘item.'
"Sure, I'll put a fresh pot on," I said as we moved into the kitchen.
"So … Matt and me … it's been more than five dates … " she said with a breath between each part of the sentence.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry, I'd completely forgotten about your five date rule. So … spill!" I squealed. I needed some happiness in my life and if I had to live vicariously through Jodie, well, what else were best friends for?
"We've been dating a few weeks now and he said he didn't mind waiting until I was ready, which was SO sweet. But then last night we finally spent the night together." She finally took a breath and I took that as my cue to probe further.
"You did? That's great! Are you two officially an item?"
"Yes, I might be crazy, Carly, but I think I'm falling in love with him. He's not only gorgeous on the outside, but the inside, too. We have a lot in common and a lot of the same tastes in things. We gel together really well. He's like the yin to my yang."
I felt a pang in my chest as she spoke the words she didn't know Grey had written about us. But one look at her face and I was smiling again. Jodie had been with so many idiots in the past but Matt seemed perfect for her.
"That's great, Jodie. I'm really pleased for you. You deserve the best," I said as I hugged my best friend, feeling a little jealous that I wanted what she had. Not Matt obviously, but I wanted the same happiness between Grey and I.
I moved to the coffee pot and poured us both a mug, then shook some cinnamon on the top.
"So how are things with you?" she asked.
"Oh not bad, you know. I'm keeping busy-deadlines to meet and tables to bus, tips to work hard for."
"What about Grey?" she asked quietly.
"We aren't together, I'm not going to ruin what he has with Maggie. We slept together, it was a mistake-one I won't be repeating any time soon. Can we leave it at that, I really don't want to talk about him. Let's talk about you."
We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about her and Matt, work, and a bunch of other safe topics. Evening fell and Jodie had to get to work. Thankfully, I had the night off.
I did some more house work before going to the den to chill out with a DVD and a takeaway. I picked He's Just Not That Into You and rang for Chinese to be delivered. I made some coffee and sat waiting for the doorbell to ring. When my food came, I put the film on and lost myself in a world of other people's problems rather than my own.
The next morning, I took a long hot shower and got ready for the morning shift.
As I arrived at work, Jodie greeted me with a smile. We sat and ate breakfast before my shift started. It was something we did regularly when we both had the time.
I worked hard bussing tables all morning until the lunchtime shift took over and I handed my tables over to Khelsey. She was new to the job and I had to stick around a while in case she ran into any problems. I hadn't any articles to write, so I had the time to spare.
The radio was on and Michael Bublé's "Haven't Met You Yet" was playing. Without realizing, I started quietly singing along. My boss caught onto my singing and asked if I could sing at a talent competition going on locally. I said I sounded like a strangled cat but he wasn't having any of it, so he asked me to meet him at the town hall after helping Khelsey.
It turned out Jim was helping scout talent for the show that was on over Christmas. He wanted me to sing along to one of my favorite Christmas songs-"All I Want for Christmas Is You."
"I never knew you could sing so beautifully, Carly." Jim beamed his big smile in my direction. I felt the blush creep cross my cheeks.
"Thanks, Jim," I said with a smile of my own. "I'm not going to be in the talent show if I have to dress in anything silly, though."
"Don't worry, you can just wear something Christmassy, no costumes as such are planned-unless people want to dress up."
I stayed and chatted with him for a while before heading home. I didn't feel like doing much today, so I changed into my Betty Boop onesie and lounged around in the den, listening to some Christmas tunes on my iPod and reading a book.
Chapter Five
Over the next few weeks, I worked hard and made time for the preparations for Christmas-it's my favorite time of year. We played Christmas tunes at work and everybody was getting into the festive spirit. I also rehearsed for the talent show. I'd found an outfit-it wasn't Christmassy per se, but it was pretty. I'd been shopping with Jodie and bought a red top, skirt, tights and some gorgeous ankle boots-I teamed it with a black jacket with white trim. Jim had made arrangements for me to sit in a large round metal frame with a big bow on the top so that it looked like a bauble. Cheesy? Maybe, but it was Christmas, after all.
Jodie had been roped into performing in the show too, so she spent time at my house rehearsing. Her act was ventriloquism-she had a dummy called Samuel. She was getting pretty good, too-having done it a few years ago when she worked as a nanny, she only had to brush up her skills.
As the weeks passed, I had more things delivered to the house thanks to Grey. There were more flowers, a hamper with spa things to pamper myself, there was even a photo album full of old photos of us. The day that arrived, I couldn't help the tears that flowed. I lost myself in the memories and went through a whole box of tissues. I wanted so badly to go back to how we used to be. If I knew then what I know now, I probably would have gone with Grey-but there was no use thinking ‘buts' and ‘what ifs'-what was done was done and couldn't be undone. Life had taken us on separate paths, but now it seemed that something wanted us back together.
My head and heart warred over my love for Grey. There was so much history between us. We might have only had a relationship for three years but we had been best friends first. I missed his friendship as much as I did his love, but I couldn't be the person he wanted me to be-I refused to break up him and Maggie. Of course he hadn't told me he wanted me to break them up, but it was implied, or so I thought.