"I know, I know," she said softly before thinking to herself again. When she exhaled a breath, I knew she was only moving on because it was obvious I didn't want to talk about that anymore. "So, explain to me how you're just now realizing you have a whole baby inside you and you're two months in?"
I took a breath, feeling her judgment through the phone. "As long as you've known me, my periods have been irregular. So, it was easy to miss," I explained. "I didn't have a reason to be suspicious."
"Okay, true," she replied, probably recalling the many times I'd been back and forth to the doctor in an attempt to regulate my cycle.
"And I put on a few extra pounds, too, but … " I paused to shrug and looked down at my full legs, " … it wasn't exactly noticeable, considering," I added with a laugh.
She breathed deep on the other end as my explanation settled in. "I suppose your story checks out," she teased. "But what are you gonna do about St. Ann's, though? About your job? You know they don't play that."
I frowned, wondering what any of this had to do with the school where I taught, the school where she herself had also been employed before the move. "I don't follow."
"I know you started a few years after me, but didn't they have you sign the morality clause, too? Unless they got rid of that before you came, but I know I had to sign it and I was not happy. Such an invasion of privacy," she added.
I thought back and vaguely remembered something like that, but the details were murky, which was why it hadn't come to mind before now.
Plus, I was so ecstatic to land that job, I probably didn't read it all that carefully. Now Mona had me worried.
"Anyway, if you signed it," she started, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, sweetheart … your job may be in jeopardy when they find out."
At first we were both quiet as the possible reality Mona just revealed weighed heavy on me, but then a nervous laugh slipped out. "This isn't the 1920's, Mona. Folks can't fire you just because you get pregnant without having a husband."
That's absurd.
I mean … isn't it?
"Actually, if you're not married, parochial schools are one of the few institutions that can," she corrected. I listened harder. "If they asked you to sign a morality clause before you got hired in, they have legal right to terminate you for breeching your contract."
I sat up straighter, worried now about my position being secure, as if I didn't already have enough on my plate. "So, just because I'm expecting, they can let me go?"
"Girl, it's archaic I know, but if you signed it, legally speaking, St. Ann's is covered and well within their rights to do so."
I fell silent. Since finding out I was pregnant, I'd been in a fog, hence the reason this thought hadn't occurred to me on my own. There were enough other things to be concerned about.
"Dammit."
"But don't sweat it," Mona cut in. "Like I said, they might not have even had you sign one. Just go to HR and ask for a copy of your contract. Worst case, you'll just have to apply elsewhere, but you'll get hired on within a public district quickly," she assured me. "You're a great teacher."
Her words of encouragement went right out the window as I acknowledged that I had much more at stake than I initially realized.
"But moving on," she said dismissively, trying to make light of the situation. "Stop worrying about that for now. What are you gonna do about Naseem? You two were just starting to figure things out, weren't you? Are you gonna tell him?" she asked, firing off one question after the other.
At the mention of Naseem's name, I felt my heart sink. He'd be here in roughly ten minutes and I didn't even know what I was going to say.
"I'm telling him tonight," I admitted.
"Tonight? Are you okay?"
I shrugged. "As okay as I can be, I guess, considering what I have to do." She was quiet and so was I, imagining how the conversation was about to go. "It is what it is at this point, but you're making me even more nervous than I already was," I breathed. "I'll deal," was all there was left to say. There was no going back now.
"All right, all right," she said defensively. "But I'd be a terrible friend if I didn't ask if you at least got yourself checked out and everything when you went to see the doctor? Made sure this guy didn't give you any cooties or anything, right?"
I smiled a little. "Yes, Mona, I did. All the tests came back clean. Got the HIV results today, as a matter of fact. Everything's all good."
Thank God. This could've been so much worse. I didn't know this man, what he'd been into, who he'd been with. At the thought of it, I rubbed my forehead. This, hooking up with strange men, wasn't something I was in the habit of doing, but this had definitely set me straight. From now on, drinking would be limited to casual get-togethers with friends and family, or while I was alone in the comfort of my own home.
Well, after I brought this baby into the world safely, that is.
Having kids wasn't something I really dwelled on, wasn't a part of life I was aching to experience, but here I was. I placed a hand on my stomach through my robe and I imagined what the coming months would bring. This was about to be an experience unlike any I'd ever had.
Mona got off the phone when Cedric came into the room. She knew she wouldn't be able to talk in code without giving away my secret, so she just promised to call tomorrow. I sat there on the couch, alone, staring at my shaky hands when a set of headlights shined through the sheer curtains covering my front window.
I damn-near fainted.
He's here. Time to face the music.
Slowly, I stood from my seat and adjusted my robe before opening the door. I watched Naseem make his way up my sidewalk, smiling, clueless. We hadn't seen one another in two solid weeks because of his visit to Jordan. He'd gone home to check on his father who'd recently fallen ill. A few weeks before leaving, he let his facial hair grow in a bit thicker than usual because his parents preferred it that way. Now, a full beard complimented the loose, jet-black curls that touched his shoulders. His face was warm when it pressed against mine. Naseem engulfed me in an embrace so tight it told me everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling without him having to open his mouth.
"I've missed you," he freely admitted, and my eyes fell closed at the sound of his words-his Jordanian accent coming through stronger after having been home with his family for a while. I should have said it back, wanted to say it back because I did miss him, too, but I couldn't bring myself to utter those words. Not considering the news I had to deliver in a moment. Being sweet to him seemed cruel.
A car or two passed on the street as we held one another in the threshold. I tried to distract myself by watching them until they disappeared, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to keep my mind off the fact that I was about to end something that could've been very special. Naseem was a good friend and I knew for a fact that he was a good man, too. This news would change everything between us, though.
I knew it.
I could feel it.
How was I supposed to explain the timing of it all? What would he think of me when I confessed to only knowing Marco for hours before this happened? It was all just so unlike me. Naseem knew the careful Brynn who mostly stayed to herself. Bar-hopping, drunk-sex Brynn? He didn't even know she existed. Hell, she didn't exist. She just showed up for that one night in my twenty-five years of life to mess things up and then she was gone again, leaving the real me to pick up the pieces.
When we separated, I closed the door behind Naseem once he was inside.
The air in the room felt thin as I drew in a deep breath. Naseem took a seat on the couch and I wrung my hands together. I hadn't even told him we needed to talk. Tonight was just supposed to be a ‘Let's catch up on everything we missed' kind of visit, but I'd soon throw a wrench in that with my news.
I couldn't bring myself to sit beside him, so I leaned against the wall near the fireplace instead, striking up casual conversation until I was ready to discuss the heavy stuff.
"So, how was your dad when you left?" I asked.
Dark eyes scanned me before he gave an answer, likely wondering why I kept my distance. "Better. The doctors think he'll recover fully. They believe the virus only hit him so hard because of his age."
I nodded. My parents had adopted me late in life, so I had similar concerns before they passed away. Panic would strike whenever they'd come down with even a simple cold.
"I'm glad to hear he's doing well," I replied.
Naseem smiled at a memory before sharing it aloud. "I think my mother was about this close to asking me to stay longer," he said, demonstrating with his fingers. "I really do have to do better about getting home more often. It's just so hard to get away with my work schedule. I'm planning to go again this summer, so that gives me a good six months to rearrange things."